The Robin Hood Project

INTRODUCTION:For as long as I can remember, I've loved Robin Hood. I first read his tales in a book at my grandmother's house. An old book, presumably read by my uncles when they were my age. It was pretty standard stuff, straight up versions of all the classic stories. I loved it. There's a reason those stories are classic to the point of clich├ęd. As I got older and saw more versions of the story, (Brooks, Disney, Costner, etc.) I became very interested in the way the characters were portrayed. I noticed that there's very few constants there. Robin is the Leader. Little John is the Big Guy and was the Lancer in the old tales, but these days someone else is just as likely to take that job. And Friar Tuck is a priest friend of theirs, sometimes devout, sometimes a party animal. And there are others. Will Scarlet (Or Scathlocke, or Stutley) is a likely Lancer, sometimes a fancy-lad, sometimes an angry maniac. There's Much the Miller's Son, who I've seen as the Butt Monkey, the Woobie, the Ditz, the Deadpan Snarker, or any number of other character types. Sometimes he's a girl. Sometimes he's named Midge. Sometimes Midge is a boy. Marian is almost always there, but may be a Distressed Damsel, an Action Girl, a Faux Action Girl or occasionally a Sweet Polly Oliver. The evil Sheriff of Nottingham can be the Big Bad or a mere flunky to Prince John or Sir Guy of Gisbourne. Guy himself usually plays The Dragon to one of those two, but can also take the lead. He can be a landed knight, a landless knight, a high-ranking guard, or a mere bounty hunter. Any of those bad guys can run the gamut of effectiveness from pure mastermind to total idiot.

And that's just their ROLES. You should see their origin stories.

And you will. 'Cause I feel like writing about them.

So here we go. Hope it's funny.



  1. AmberAdeline said...
    It doesn't matter how many times I read it, I pee myself laughing substantially harder than I did the previous time. You have a way with words, images, and women. The latter is beside the point. All the same, I throughly enjoy your "Under the Hood" blogs and thank you for having them no where near that of a vehicle's engine. Although a blog on car engines could deem appealing to some...the movies that encompass the childhood hero, Robin Hood, are worth mentioning...or mocking. Although Fast and Furious is fun to mock...I'm glad you aren't writing about it, and the gentleman who had the previously mentioned, update lacking, "underthehood.blogspot.com" taken...is being bypassed by that of a greater caliber..."robinhoodmovies.blogspot.com" by BRIAN LYNCH. What I suggest is to keep your classy layouts and pictures and start imagining the man, who stole a classy website title for lame car engines, as someone needing a prostate exam...because lets face it, anyone getting an unexpected thumb massage is not living comfortably. "Robinhoodmovies.blogspot.com" GLoRioUS and ClaSSy...no where near the prostate. Read it everyday.
    Rob Pivarnik said...
    "(I imagine this is an inconvenience to her for a few days a month, but going into further detail would require me to look up how they dealt with that in the middle ages in the first place.)"

    Let's just say it led to the etymological origin of the phrase "on the rag" and leave it at that...
    Anonymous said...
    Dear sir,
    May I just compliment you on the hilarity contained inside of this "web-blog."

    The day was ever so dreary and then I goggled "best and or funniest thing ever on the internet, robin hood, bukkake farm girls" and yours was the 337th entry to appear.I was incredibly satisfied carnally with entries 1 through 336, and in the afterglow decided to peruse your offering, and while my loins remained still, my sides split and mind expanded, good show sir!

    I do however feel the need to point out the lack of bukkake.
    Justin said...
    Hilarity ensues as per the usual, thank you for creating an oasis of snark, geekdom, and legitimate culture on the internet.
    I wish the screens, both big and small, to be graced with the visage of Robin-hood and his merry men with ever increasing frequency, simply so you can continue to lampoon them.

    However, I also must comment on the lack of bukkake.
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