tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5154942363339882252024-03-13T21:31:57.293-07:00Under The HoodOnce a time, I got three Robin Hood movies from Netflix. And I felt like writing about them. I dunno, I guess I missed being in college. So I did. And then I kept doing it. And then I decided to let everyone read it. Whoop.Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-515494236333988225.post-82100694597155824792014-02-05T12:34:00.001-08:002014-02-06T13:30:39.696-08:00Under the Hood: Part 16 - Robin Hood (2010)Oh, my. Been a while, hasn't it? While I've largely moved on to different, more animated films, I recently rewatched this movie and had some thoughts about it. So... Hey, let's do this.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look out! Russell Crowe is going to shoot you!</td></tr>
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<b>PLOT</b> - Tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1199. We open up at the tail end of the Crusades, and Richard the Lion Ass is wondering what people think of him, so he wanders out among his men to find one that will tell him the truth. He finds an honest man in Robin Longstride, a simple archer. The King asks Robin how people see his war, and Robin, who’s grown weary of fightin’ ’round the world, demonstrates why he’s an archer and not a king-talker-to by telling him the truth, and is pilloried for his trouble. But then the king gets shot in the neck, ah, we all have problems. Robin and his friends make a run for it, and come across a group of knights that were ambushed. Stealing their armor under the sensible assumption that knights have an easier time getting onto boats than soldiers, they make for England, planning on retiring to the country.<br />
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Whoopsie! Turns out the guy whose armor Robin stole is Robert Locksley, the king‘s BFF, and he has to return the royal crown to London to avoid suspicion, then go to Locksley’s absurdly named farm, Pepper Harrow, to settle his affairs. There, Locksley’s wife Marian actually manages to work out that her husband was killed. It’s the little things, like how Robert spoke with an English accent instead of an Australian/Irish garble, and how he wasn’t Russell Crowe. But the farm’s in trouble, and she thinks he’ll be useful to have around, so she lets him stay. Her most pressing concern is the grain. See, the Sheriff of Nottingham has seized nearly all of Pepper Harrow’s seed corn, and the church refuses to release any from its stores. With the aid of his men and the local priest, Robin steals the church’s grain, and plants it to hide his crime. And… yeah, that’s pretty much it for the Robin Hood part. I hope you like hearing about King John’s dick, because there’s about 2 hours of that sprinkled in there.<br />
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<b>THE GOOD</b> - Man, this movie is pretty. Seriously baller cinematography here. I don’t think I realized until now that I don’t often see really good looking movies on this blog. The cast is immensely talented. Russell Crowe, Cate Blanchett, and Max von Sydow do the heavy lifting, and do it incredibly well. The supporting cast is full of great character actors like Mark Strong, Mark Addy, Matthew MacFayden, Danny Houston, William Hurt, and Eileen Atkins. The MVPs, however, have to be the Merry Men. Scott Grimes as Will Scarlet, Kevin Durand as Little John, and Alan Doyle as Alan a’Dayle (yes, they changed the spelling of the name, I presume as a joke), with Addy’s Tuck joining them later. These guys just ooze camaraderie and friendship, and add much-needed levity to the film whenever they appear. Doyle in particular is great. He’s a folk musician with little acting experience, and was hired based purely on Russell Crowe liking his band. Which means I finally get an Alan who sings, and sure enough, he busts out the lute for a rowdy folk song four or five times over the course of the movie. The scene where Robin and the men (including Tuck, who befriended the three others by introducing them to mead) pull of the grain heist is excellent, and a real moment of Robin Hood amongst a sea of… well, here’s the thing:<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hey, spoilers.</td></tr>
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<b>THE BAD</b> - Well, the movie is very long, and nothing happens in it. Well, it’s not insanely long. About 2 and a half hours. But the parts that could justifiably be called a Robin Hood story are only about 50 minutes or so. The rest is taken up with a plot that makes very little sense. See, the King of France wants pretense to invade England, so he has a loyal French knight, Godfrey, incite unrest against John by smashing up the place and collecting harsh taxes, all in John’s name. How is he able to do this with impunity? John told him to. Convenient. Then, by the time the French do invade, Robin has rallied all the barons to defend England, but they invade anyway, attacking the cliffs of Dover, which has to be the worst fucking military strategy in history. The whole French invasion subplot is useless at best, there’s a whole big deal about John divorcing his frigid English wife and marrying the French king’s sister, but she doesn’t seem to have anything to do with either of the evil plans, and then William Hurt is there, and there’s a whole thing about Locksley’s blind dad… None of it matters, and the royal subplot is so dense and complex that I had almost no idea what was going on in it. Anyway, at the end, the French surrender to Robin instead of John, so he gets his royal pants in a twist and declares Robin to be an OUUUUUUTLAAAAWWWW, so I guess it was all buildup for that?<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The shocking story of an outlawed dressage team.</td></tr>
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<b>THE OTHERWISE WORTHY OF MENTION </b>- I’d really like to judge this film on its own merits and not for the movie it could have been. I’d like to, but I can’t. Because it’s impossible to mention this film without mentioning “Nottingham”. Nottingham was one of the hottest spec scripts in Hollywood, winning heaps of awards, and inspiring a fierce bidding war. The hero of the story was the Sheriff of Nottingham, who was torn between his duty to collect taxes for a greedy and uncaring government, and also to uphold the law and care for the people. This is not helped by the arrival of Robin Hood, an opportunistic and charismatic thief who targets the unpopular sheriff. Robin becomes a hero of the people not because of any ingrained moral compass, but because it’s the best way to get away with stealing stuff, and with romancing Marian, whom the sheriff also has eyes for. When it appears that Robin has stepped up his game from robbery to serial murder, the sheriff smells something off, and realizes that Robin is not the killer, but is being framed, and works with his hated enemy against a greater evil.<br />
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Sounds great, right? I’d love to see that movie. And the screenplay was hot. Every studio wanted a crack at it, and Universal and Imagine were the victors. Russell Crowe was cast as the Sheriff, with Colin Farrell heavily favored for Robin Hood. Then Ridley Scott got brought on, and little by little, all the creative stuff was leached away, replaced with Ridley Scott Epic Movie Stuff. I won’t put this under “THE BAD”, since it would be unfair to do that for something that isn’t part of the movie, and since Ridley Scott is quite talented at making Ridley Scott Epic Movie Stuff, but I do wish I’d had a chance to see Nottingham. Maybe some day.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nice hair, man. I liked it when you guys were doing Gladiator, too.</td></tr>
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<b>ROBIN </b>- Boy, I tell ya, Robin Longstride may not be the dumbest name we’ve had for our guy (that‘s still Robert Hode), but it’s up there. Russell Crowe is an excellent actor, but he’s also the kind of actor who’s hard to fully accept in any role. He’s known so well on his own that he never completely disappears into the role, never stops looking like Russell Crowe in a hood and starts looking like Robin Skywalker. Sorry, Longstride. But that’s not really his fault, and he plays the complex emotions of Robin well. He’s world-weary, but then he finds himself in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife, and he asks himself “Well, how did I get here?“ and he may ask himself “How do I work this?“… Whoa, sorry. Just Byrned out for a second. But still, those are hard emotions to play, and Crowe really works them. His flirting with Blanchett and the moments when he lets himself relax around his friends are really lovely. Another interesting touch is that caring for the common man was made a family trait, with Robin’s late father being the author of a precursor to the Carta de Foresta, which means it’s thanks to him we can… [reads Carta de Foresta online] make a marl-pit on our own land, as long as it’s outside and doesn’t hurt anyone. And these are things we hold dear.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kevin Durand is not what you'd call "gifted of face".</td></tr>
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<b>LITTLE JOHN -</b> Speaking of the Talking Heads, John’s portrayal is the same as it ever was, same as it ever was. Actually, that’s not totally true, while he’s not drawn much deeper than a big, punchy drunk, he’s actually quite clever this time around. Of all the Merry Men, he’s the only one that wasn’t an archer in the war, but an engineer, moving and operating the siege engines, and he shows a gift for strategy. In fact, the conflict that leads to him and Robin’s friendship isn’t crossing a bridge, but rather him catching Robin cheating at a shell game. Or rather, catching him not cheating. But hey, still a good reason for a punch-up. Best moment is when he spots a large woman and loudly informs Tuck of his intentions. “Oi! She’s aboot my size! I’m gonna… make her smile.”<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If he was a baker, he'd be a ginger bread man. Thank you, thank you.</td></tr>
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<b>WILL SCARLET </b>- Will also gets little in the way of characterization, but I like him anyway. His red hair and thick accent mark him as Welsh, which is fun for the novelty, if nothing else. He’s also fairly tiny, and takes a more homey approach than the rest, as their cook and quartermaster. He also steals stuff from bad guys’ bodies one or two times, which is fun, but sadly, they don’t make a running gag of it. I’d love it if he was just a kleptomaniac, constantly picking up anything someone left lying around. Actually, that’s more or less the BBC Alan, isn’t it? Okay, then.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">YABBA DABBA DOO</td></tr>
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<b>TUCK </b>- “I’m not a ‘churchy’ friar. Never was.” How true. Despite his fame as the blustering, boisterous king Robert Baratheon on Game of Thrones, Mark Addy specializes in playing Regular Guys. The kind of folks you could relax and have a good time with. And that’s what this Tuck is all over. Far more interested in his bees and brewing than the finer points of religion, Robin spots a rebellious streak in him and pulls on it, finding that Tuck takes far more satisfaction in directly saving people than worrying about their souls. A bit soft and friendly, but willing to kick ass when required. Actually, he reminds me a lot of the Robin of Sherwood version of Tuck, who I always liked.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Robin's a Gandalf fan.</td></tr>
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<b>MUCH</b> - There’s no Much, but in the sense that I tend to consider any little tagalong kids as a sort of pseudo-Much, there’s like 50 of them. The one with the most valid claim is Jimmy, a kid in Richard’s army that Robin was looking after, who may as well have been wearing a red jerkin, as he died on the way back to England. Then in Nottingham, the villages are being menaced by a roving band of orphaned children wearing scary masks. This is the stupidest of all the subplots, and I keep forgetting it exists. There’s a rather nice scene where Robin shows caring and compassion to the boys, and they help him out at the end, but just like all the France stuff, this could have been cut at no cost to the rest of the film. At the end, Robin begins training them all in the forest, thus setting up a sequel where most of the Merry Men are, in fact, Merry Boys in Scerry Masks.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">She threatens to castrate someone in her second scene, and that's all I want from a Marian.</td></tr>
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<b>MARIAN </b>- Another excellent performance, and well-written role. Marian is married to Sir Robert Locksley, but he went a’crusadin’ before the ink was dry on their banns (those have ink, right?), so she barely knew him, and was left to care for their land on her own. This has made her very cautious and closed off, and seeing her gradually come to care for Robin is touching and believable. She’s also totally badass. You don’t care for a farm without knowing how to kick a little ass when the situation calls for it. Or, you know, stab a dude in the back of the head and then kick him backwards to the force of his fall drives it the rest of the way in. That was pretty awesome.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">[Price is Right sad trombone noise]</td></tr>
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<b>SHERIFF </b>- The sheriff naturally gets short shrift in the revised screenplay, as he wasn’t a part of it at all once the drafts changed the main character to Robin. But what little they do with him is done well here. He’s largely incompetent and buffoonish, but enough of a strident bully that he’s effective in his job. He pursues Marian romantically until her ‘husband’ returns and shows him up, after which he just sort of wanders around moping like a sad sack until Robin is outlawed at the end. If this movie had done well enough to warrant a sequel, I’d have loved to see him taking his petty revenge. As a cowardly lout who enjoys throwing his weight around against people too weak to fight back, he reminded me mostly of Disney’s sheriff, and that’s not a bad thing.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigjLe0z0NUhAjaiyPTilpyYtVkQik9619xa4TS23LdHz-GPU8R7sBtbZ7aH-Mz6dZ2a-y3iMcuFuGlm_Xp-dzGN0x4WlYb1vF6aiVKd3PfU7dDi4Nn4xClg_nmnw38T1Faf31XQ8rnnIdv/s1600/mark-strong-robin-hood.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigjLe0z0NUhAjaiyPTilpyYtVkQik9619xa4TS23LdHz-GPU8R7sBtbZ7aH-Mz6dZ2a-y3iMcuFuGlm_Xp-dzGN0x4WlYb1vF6aiVKd3PfU7dDi4Nn4xClg_nmnw38T1Faf31XQ8rnnIdv/s1600/mark-strong-robin-hood.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Of course you can trust me. Do I look like someone you couldn't trust?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<b>SIR GUY</b> - Godfrey, rather. Not really sure why he’s Godfrey, though. I mean, a traitorous, self-interested knight with a French name and a chip on his shoulder? We’e already got that. Gisbourne was the killer in the original “Nottingham” script (spoilers, I guess), with his victims being supporters of Richard. In this, Godfrey is part of the overly complex “French invasion” plot, which I mentioned before, so I guess his name is just to throw a bit more fuel onto the conflagration of convolution that is that subplot. But he’s played very well by Mark Strong, who was playing villains in pretty much every major Hollywood release at the time. He really got to cut loose with the crazy this time, as a sneering psycho with a creepy little Joker scar from an arrow, and he was fun enough to watch that it kept my mind off how dumb the subplot was.<br />
<b><br /></b>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKg1tClIBv5AEODMYiW4u_L9mTHIvr8Puk_sz0fMcvCu2aC6nF4VVjg0gD7XkPED2daxDLn5VsBHvxw4yKNSI5n3KvErqplugKfTwROtk9A2F8AAQjZfmY_26K8SjpaKkDfqNMUm1btEID/s1600/may16-10_oscarisaac.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKg1tClIBv5AEODMYiW4u_L9mTHIvr8Puk_sz0fMcvCu2aC6nF4VVjg0gD7XkPED2daxDLn5VsBHvxw4yKNSI5n3KvErqplugKfTwROtk9A2F8AAQjZfmY_26K8SjpaKkDfqNMUm1btEID/s1600/may16-10_oscarisaac.jpg" height="260" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Godfrey, are people laughing at my hat?" "They're just jealous, sire."</td></tr>
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<b><br /></b>
<b>THE MAN </b>- Richard and Eleanor both feature in this one. Eleanor is fun, and as sassy as ever, even if she kind of just kind of fades out of the movie in the second half. I like that they play her as more or less causing John’s emotional issues by favoring his bloodthirsty idiot brother over him. Speaking of which, Richard is portrayed more accurately than normal here, as a needy, insecure jerk who doesn’t care that he’s bankrupted his country fighting pointless wars. His hair, however, is fabulous. And he’s killed by a cook who grabbed a crossbow, a fun in-joke on the real Richard being killed by someone who used a frying pan as a shield. The bulk of the royal work goes to Oscar Isaac as King John. John is depicted as smart, ruthless, vain, insecure, and short-tempered, which all adds up to - and if you’re sick of hearing this, I’m sick of saying this - a personality that could easily have replaced the entire France subplot. Rather than Godfrey marauding under John’s orders for the vague benefit of France, he could have just been marauding under John’s orders… and that’s it. And then rather than the final battle between France and England, it could have been the Northern barons under Robin’s command against John’s army. And… that’s it. Robin is defeated, gets outlawed. Easy peasy. Geez, I hate the France supblot. John is also played by the only non-white guy in the movie, which I guess is a little weird? But I got used to it pretty quick and got more distracted by how much he looked like B.J. Novak.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrBTqC-68VM5OlKVLC5igw4U4L3bIEzRxDKRi6WW9Z3xgpWYomi2nIG4IYuhrjhzI_nLcMTb7GErvAGfASSuPARC4CXM0QUacRUyfTEYnlzsYOWjqJK0R1Q43o8c4UWIkSRzKv1W3pm97w/s1600/adayle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrBTqC-68VM5OlKVLC5igw4U4L3bIEzRxDKRi6WW9Z3xgpWYomi2nIG4IYuhrjhzI_nLcMTb7GErvAGfASSuPARC4CXM0QUacRUyfTEYnlzsYOWjqJK0R1Q43o8c4UWIkSRzKv1W3pm97w/s1600/adayle.jpg" height="400" width="350" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I shall pluck ye a merry tune on me beard."</td></tr>
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<b><br /></b>
<b>OTHER MERRY MEN </b>- <b>Alan a’Dayle</b> is the big one, of course, but I largely coered him earlier. He was an archer in the war, along with Robin and Will, and while his acting is fine and his singing is impressive, his accent is… Well, he seems to be from the same area as Robin. There’s also <b>Sir Walter Locksley</b>, the father of Sir Robert, who is blind as a bat, but still possessed by a lively energy, which he confirms by letting the breakfast table know that he “awoke with a tumescent glow”. When I saw this in the theater, I laughed really hard at that, but nobody else did, so all I have to say is read as much as you can to enhance your vocabulary, and you too can understand when your period piece action movies are making boner jokes. Anyway, Sir Walter is the one who comes up with the plan to have Robin fake being Robert, at first just to save the farm, but eventually he comes to love Robin as a son. And he’s played by Max von Sydow, so it works REALLY WELL. Right in the feelings.<br />
<br />
Oh, <b>William Hurt</b> is in it, too. This is the third time I’ve mentioned his name in this review, and each time I’ve finished writing the section and then said, “Oh, right, also William Hurt”, which I think says all you need to know about that. He’s some noble guy who knew Robin’s dad. Yay.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0V1N8xkaEnjC-ABIFt3SmV2_e18fT83wvzVMbs6x7AulIzeDOmL-lGB6IcSG5keGKlYkspCmSL5vnnmWhOw-Jpxi8-T_IJRHXOjG6klS9XdOpXaKXUF46OF6rTb59N4WjOris8RRUC_TN/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-02-04-12h50m35s53.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0V1N8xkaEnjC-ABIFt3SmV2_e18fT83wvzVMbs6x7AulIzeDOmL-lGB6IcSG5keGKlYkspCmSL5vnnmWhOw-Jpxi8-T_IJRHXOjG6klS9XdOpXaKXUF46OF6rTb59N4WjOris8RRUC_TN/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-02-04-12h50m35s53.png" height="167" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thanks, subtitles. Helpful.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<b>OTHER VILLAINS </b>- None, really, apart from Godfrey’s band of marauders, which include a few recurring faces that probably have names attached. They really are just cartoonishly evil. Not even sure how he hired them. Did he just put an ad in the French papers? “Recherché: <b>dingues sociopathes</b> qui sont prêts à vivre dans les bois et manger de la terre pour une période indéterminée jusqu'à ce que mon patron me dit de tuer des gens, ce que nous ferons, mais je suppose pas dans la façon dont il veut que nous? Hé, êtes-vous allé à Google Translate pour savoir que cela signifie? J'espère que ça ne s'est pas trop mutilé. Dieu sait que je ne vais pas vérifier.”<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk0cHeHdnFz5OhC_auklwZkEjHzpphju5wZK5IOBlwww8RJG16cmAUpjmwU8lb9ZV50wo9qIVpYcUZAMdk0LFbn2Zm92geMLJqVe1t1dFy64EBC2_MXDMBNE6byBaI-BdpNZKpiuMN_Y2y/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-02-04-16h07m48s58.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk0cHeHdnFz5OhC_auklwZkEjHzpphju5wZK5IOBlwww8RJG16cmAUpjmwU8lb9ZV50wo9qIVpYcUZAMdk0LFbn2Zm92geMLJqVe1t1dFy64EBC2_MXDMBNE6byBaI-BdpNZKpiuMN_Y2y/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-02-04-16h07m48s58.png" height="167" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A fun reference joke here - Robin Hood was from Barnsdale in the oldest legends, and enjoyed grunting.</td></tr>
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<br />
<b>BEST LINE - </b><br />
Eleanor : “Taxes? Milk a dry udder, and the only thing you’ll get is kicked off the stool.”<br />
<br />
John : “Spare me your farmyard memories, mother, you don’t have any and I don’t understand them.”<br />
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<b>SECOND BEST LINE - </b><br />
Marian : “I was an old maid when Robert courted me. Daughter of a wealthy widow with a thimbleful of noble blood. We were wed, and then a week later, he joined ship for the crusades.”<br />
<br />
Robin : “A good knight.” “<br />
<br />
Marian : Short, but sweet.”<br />
<br />
Robin : “No, ah, I mean, he… he was a good…”<br />
<br />
Marian : “Oh, yes, um… yes, he - my knight in arms… And I in his.”<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>WORST LINE</b> - Honestly, none come to mind. The screenplay was very well done. I guess if I were to pick one, it would be Robin’s dad’s message to him, “Rise and rise again, until lambs become lions.” Just because it’s such a Spider-Man ripoff.<br />
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<b>COMING UP AT SOME POINT IN THE FUTURE, I PROMISE - </b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHo0gliqaEzsXfhVUiLqlTZo-drh-uq6Jpc5C5S4X1fUZKUyLRrXYlWNoL-jdFuVkXZrs9QW5mU3lEuwREPK8ztmH9N8VayOe3ESQqUOk0fKP9mVpAmUIUYQ_QAb3JcytdoUW7w977G4GK/s1600/tumblr_inline_mrz7kdpYj11qz4rgp.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHo0gliqaEzsXfhVUiLqlTZo-drh-uq6Jpc5C5S4X1fUZKUyLRrXYlWNoL-jdFuVkXZrs9QW5mU3lEuwREPK8ztmH9N8VayOe3ESQqUOk0fKP9mVpAmUIUYQ_QAb3JcytdoUW7w977G4GK/s1600/tumblr_inline_mrz7kdpYj11qz4rgp.gif" height="265" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes, I made this. But it reflects my feelings.</td></tr>
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<b><br /></b>Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-515494236333988225.post-68819605778181127742011-04-18T19:59:00.000-07:002011-09-13T22:07:21.093-07:00Under the Hood:: Part 15 - Hooded Robin and His Mario Men<div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikqxdtjo04pkn0HwKNY_es5us6Fc6AVPT3Ga9Y3SfEYxj4zI5PVRfo2wln5byIO8MRqplNnY9tgrwEkfleDACCB9NPGgnl8xA-zXJriIErn-FAWPkC8AAReJzIHqOWVj840EyqMnlPNEvl/s1600/0.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 243px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikqxdtjo04pkn0HwKNY_es5us6Fc6AVPT3Ga9Y3SfEYxj4zI5PVRfo2wln5byIO8MRqplNnY9tgrwEkfleDACCB9NPGgnl8xA-zXJriIErn-FAWPkC8AAReJzIHqOWVj840EyqMnlPNEvl/s320/0.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5602710088341005490" /></a></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>Hey, Pisanos! It's been far too long. I promise that these will be coming more frequently for the next few months, and my other blogs should follow suit. Thanks for checking back daily, as I'm sure you did. I'll get to that non-German one I mentioned last time, but first, something near and dear to me. IT'S THE SUPER MARIO BROTHERS SUPER SHOW! Let's look... under the hood.</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWuP_Qm1fO1BawyJ-RbagAmfqC6On0BaUIL9ePXnHOC8n_u4WRVOQDMDlmE1uypNgAEwJLaK95CNPC9TURykkzzYbkdCCITw33Kw8lC3_VSfOgQgwDVtM2BBWF9SogPWsfHc5nUfPe6klY/s1600/1.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 244px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWuP_Qm1fO1BawyJ-RbagAmfqC6On0BaUIL9ePXnHOC8n_u4WRVOQDMDlmE1uypNgAEwJLaK95CNPC9TURykkzzYbkdCCITw33Kw8lC3_VSfOgQgwDVtM2BBWF9SogPWsfHc5nUfPe6klY/s320/1.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5602710085166023474" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(What is that root attached to? And how can that be supporting their weight? I QUESTION THIS SHOW'S SCIENCE.)</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>BIG PLOT </b>-This show basically consists of Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Toadstool wandering around randomly from place to place. When they arrive someplace, they learn that Koopa arrived before them and has established a criminal empire and a fun nickname, i.e. Count Koopula, Baron von Koopenstein, Al Koopone, Koopzilla, Koopadile Dundee, Dr. Koopiarity, Ernst Stavro Koopfeld, etcetera. And yes, I made some of those up, but not as many as you might think. Anyway, judging by how Koopa was the major criminal power anywhere they went, he’s gotta be at LEAST two months ahead of them. What the hell do they do in the meantime? And why doesn’t Koopa change his route if they keep catching up with him?</div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWuP_Qm1fO1BawyJ-RbagAmfqC6On0BaUIL9ePXnHOC8n_u4WRVOQDMDlmE1uypNgAEwJLaK95CNPC9TURykkzzYbkdCCITw33Kw8lC3_VSfOgQgwDVtM2BBWF9SogPWsfHc5nUfPe6klY/s1600/1.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN7Trmc7pVYHo2dQ3VzXG95Idt3hJ71xlHMSBgVRKDfD-sJcq7rFPI3MjF6AVRFTPNBgdgs-iBANP1QNulRjrQFj7SFu4liBIIoW9DDaHNAeotHPdM_MmzgrdYvBf2ZTx-Uz5yg5dYn_qO/s1600/2.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 242px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN7Trmc7pVYHo2dQ3VzXG95Idt3hJ71xlHMSBgVRKDfD-sJcq7rFPI3MjF6AVRFTPNBgdgs-iBANP1QNulRjrQFj7SFu4liBIIoW9DDaHNAeotHPdM_MmzgrdYvBf2ZTx-Uz5yg5dYn_qO/s320/2.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5602710086663586386" /></a><br /><br /></div><div><i>(Those trees are obviously just painted flats. And this is a </i>CARTOON<i>.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><b>LITTLE PLOT - </b>The gang is on their way to Sharewood Village, which is a pun that barely works in text, and not at all in speech. On their way through Sharewood Forest, they are accosted by the Sheriff of Koopingham's (see?) guards, who accuse them of being "Hooded Robin". That the guards think they're cunning enough to see through a disguise yet fail to recognize the people who constantly follow them around and foil their plans is not remarked upon, probably because none of the writers thought of it. They are saved by Hooded Robin, a name so unimaginative it makes "Sharewood Forest" look like a 10-page Feghoot. They go with him to the castle and return the taxed coins to the citizens by melting them, running the molten gold through pipes to the town water pump, which then somehow pumps out gold coins. I could make fun of the plot holes, the animation errors, the general sloppiness, or the fact that one time Koopa talks with Toad's voice, but I'm just impressed at how they solved the problem with plumbing. That's more than the games ever did. </div><div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTrqzg0FwJK6PkSwfEQ0siablUANvRPbyBtTs05tYVHOZxHe57Yr8phFVA04i0q3XF0n0KxZz3uChyphenhyphenIUWfXhWNAeH-csEC9QKrQYQ7-CGJBvhDx_ThpJbelCSNQIq8mFwP9arrJERfApGi/s1600/4.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 238px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTrqzg0FwJK6PkSwfEQ0siablUANvRPbyBtTs05tYVHOZxHe57Yr8phFVA04i0q3XF0n0KxZz3uChyphenhyphenIUWfXhWNAeH-csEC9QKrQYQ7-CGJBvhDx_ThpJbelCSNQIq8mFwP9arrJERfApGi/s320/4.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5602710079753937074" /></a><br /><br /></div><div><i>(More like Hooded <a href="http://www.mariowiki.com/Albatoss">Albatoss</a>.)</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><b>ROBIN - </b>In every episode, there's someone local to the area who helps them out, usually with an extremely lazy name, like Indiana Joe or Herlock Soames or Hooded Robin. H.R. is just a huge pile of wasted ideas. He starts off by perfectly impersonating the Sheriff. This ability never comes up again. He acts cocky once, leading Toad to call him a show-off, and at the end, thanks them. The thanking is treated like some big epiphany of humility, but since he only acted non-humble once, it doesn't register as such. The writers of this show seemed to have a dim idea of what good ideas were like, but no ability to actually have them or develop them. I think that's where the Mad Max episode came from. </div><div><br /></div><div>(No seriously, they had one. It was called "Toad Warrior", used pasta sauce instead of gasoline, and Koopa was sadly not called "Koopmungus".)</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJWfIozgYncV5UjClB5BVf6IUO-iPCc4LYQS5AAaFpSirWVu52swinvKmSkwK5iJVYonodRtuttqksRJOhnsN9G_iVMpe_HwHGmv0eggUhsV-Ih3fo17dvdwP003vpO9H7-wJ6wXlKits4/s1600/5.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 243px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJWfIozgYncV5UjClB5BVf6IUO-iPCc4LYQS5AAaFpSirWVu52swinvKmSkwK5iJVYonodRtuttqksRJOhnsN9G_iVMpe_HwHGmv0eggUhsV-Ih3fo17dvdwP003vpO9H7-wJ6wXlKits4/s320/5.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5602709739515901474" /></a><div><br /></div><div><i>(The castle is on the ground and has a drawbridge and a moat next time we see it. Continuity is for lesser shows.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>LITTLE JOHN - </b>That would be Luigi, since he's tallest. I always had a fondness for Luigi. Maybe it's because he can jump better, or because I had a book as a kid where they identified him as left-handed. Maybe it's because my uncle called him "Loogie". But I've always played better as Luigi than as Mario. My fondness of him extends into the live-action segments on this show, as well. Mario and Luigi are played by the same actors that do the voices, but while Captain Lou Albano is authentically a short, fat, goggle-eyed Italian, Danny Wells is taller, older, and more dignified-looking. He gives it 100%, of course, but I confess I like to imagine that he's a classically trained British actor. He does his lines and mugs with the guest star and sticks carrots in his ears, but when the director says cut, he just sits in his dressing room that he shares with Captain Lou and wonders how his life took this turn. He thinks about calling his old roommate, Anthony Hopkins, but it's been so long, and what would he say? Danny, the call comes, we need you on set for the Inspector Gadget bit. A tear rises, but he fights it down and thrusts the green cap on his head. He's a professional, dammit. And he'll do what he was hired to do. So he goes out and waves a slinky around Maurice LaMarche's head, and he's brilliant. He always is. He's Danny Fucking Wells.</div></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJWfIozgYncV5UjClB5BVf6IUO-iPCc4LYQS5AAaFpSirWVu52swinvKmSkwK5iJVYonodRtuttqksRJOhnsN9G_iVMpe_HwHGmv0eggUhsV-Ih3fo17dvdwP003vpO9H7-wJ6wXlKits4/s1600/5.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJWfIozgYncV5UjClB5BVf6IUO-iPCc4LYQS5AAaFpSirWVu52swinvKmSkwK5iJVYonodRtuttqksRJOhnsN9G_iVMpe_HwHGmv0eggUhsV-Ih3fo17dvdwP003vpO9H7-wJ6wXlKits4/s1600/5.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"></a><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSLBtlK6-M0rJnkJs89fgyLqurunx6aQB91IRZCEKRbYnTIlXJO5l06YgkiuGqIMXo2FtSMYMBWREYGMFZCESnDhly6zIKY7FtVsla41jYV2rdICfFxAwmkszU6GnNr54pSYqWd_I1Ay51/s320/5.5.jpg" style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 183px; height: 320px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5602709855978592386" /></div><div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQDSTfgqO7mimrLyHMmZ_-FqT3NvP9af9U_VmWyH-ROo7Oc-3Y7-KDLo5FD87vakxod_IBLjucV0IJcFEliI0By6HAM3eF3JNXsS0PPqrxvm4cIOV7Fd8iO4r9hNwRptjHKjPt7xx0FKrz/s1600/6.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 242px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQDSTfgqO7mimrLyHMmZ_-FqT3NvP9af9U_VmWyH-ROo7Oc-3Y7-KDLo5FD87vakxod_IBLjucV0IJcFEliI0By6HAM3eF3JNXsS0PPqrxvm4cIOV7Fd8iO4r9hNwRptjHKjPt7xx0FKrz/s320/6.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5602709735242293666" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(They both seem to be looking at each other's foreheads. This is either a power negotiating technique or bad animation.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>WILL SCARLET - </b>Will Scarlet is Mario, on account of wearing red. He is played, as mentioned earlier, by pro wrestler, rubber band enthusiast, and inventor of music Captain Lou Albano. I fear I may have given Mario short shrift with my fulsome praise of Luigi and TV's Danny Wells, but you know what? I just can't get it up for this guy. Sure, he's an effective enough hero, I do fine on his solo adventures, and I acquit myself well with him in Smash Bros, but he's so bland. Any time you can choose someone else, Mario's defining trait is that he's okay at everything. Average go-karter, average tennis player, average extreme gardener (that was the plot of Mario 2, right?) I suppose this show made the best possible choices with him. They cast a charismatic pro wrestler and concocted a number of problems that could only be solved with plumbing.</div></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQDSTfgqO7mimrLyHMmZ_-FqT3NvP9af9U_VmWyH-ROo7Oc-3Y7-KDLo5FD87vakxod_IBLjucV0IJcFEliI0By6HAM3eF3JNXsS0PPqrxvm4cIOV7Fd8iO4r9hNwRptjHKjPt7xx0FKrz/s1600/6.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7wjZa_mTrUqx6I47ZDsTaKiQyLyGAYJdLh78m0jNJafoQECnkdwxmKWJK5Xwej672eSGygFPa5PwMGUoLTQy5bgWv3JT_tA24xB1iErK3oGZYYkJeE9IilwoEJTL_04fRVYQmDEdti2Z7/s1600/8.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 235px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7wjZa_mTrUqx6I47ZDsTaKiQyLyGAYJdLh78m0jNJafoQECnkdwxmKWJK5Xwej672eSGygFPa5PwMGUoLTQy5bgWv3JT_tA24xB1iErK3oGZYYkJeE9IilwoEJTL_04fRVYQmDEdti2Z7/s320/8.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5602709725248494034" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(YES. Now leave him there.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><b>MUCH - </b>Much is Toad. Ohhhhhh sweet holy fuck Toad is annoying on this show. He's like nails on a chalkboard. And I don't just mean his voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard, though it most assuredly does. I mean <i>his whole being</i> is like nails on a chalkboard. The sound, the feel, the malice behind such an action, and the complete lack of usefulness to the Super Mario brothers.</div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7wjZa_mTrUqx6I47ZDsTaKiQyLyGAYJdLh78m0jNJafoQECnkdwxmKWJK5Xwej672eSGygFPa5PwMGUoLTQy5bgWv3JT_tA24xB1iErK3oGZYYkJeE9IilwoEJTL_04fRVYQmDEdti2Z7/s1600/8.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1j5ADEKki38-WJMPnHo0sFXX_GVkCCk3rxyGfooz3h5Bf8VoDbT6ZVeMi2fGvXWQ_gyJQHEMXU3zpx2eG1vsQwx3iK-9RhhzYEwqdVPVImawN4BLhA8NDDxu4OjQidxNM6L_3bnMP87gZ/s1600/9.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 229px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1j5ADEKki38-WJMPnHo0sFXX_GVkCCk3rxyGfooz3h5Bf8VoDbT6ZVeMi2fGvXWQ_gyJQHEMXU3zpx2eG1vsQwx3iK-9RhhzYEwqdVPVImawN4BLhA8NDDxu4OjQidxNM6L_3bnMP87gZ/s320/9.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5602709723831722322" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>("This gate! It's rusted! I... Blame it on the Rain! Mario, just... Keep on Running! Girl, You Know it's True!")<br /></i></div><div><br /></div><div><b>MARIAN - </b>I suppose by the nature of her gender, it's Princess Toadstool. I really like Toadstool. This is years before she became "Peach" and developed a personality, so they pretty much had to invent her from scratch for this show. And considering that the personality she got here was resourceful, clever, and just ass willing to fight as the men, she came off better than the personality she developed in the games, which was: "Dear Mario, please come to the castle. I've baked a cake for you." Also, TV Toadstool, and I swear this is in continuity, is a Milli Vanilli fan.</div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1j5ADEKki38-WJMPnHo0sFXX_GVkCCk3rxyGfooz3h5Bf8VoDbT6ZVeMi2fGvXWQ_gyJQHEMXU3zpx2eG1vsQwx3iK-9RhhzYEwqdVPVImawN4BLhA8NDDxu4OjQidxNM6L_3bnMP87gZ/s1600/9.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgxYxQ0R9eSYA-lMmvxbeHdKWYV__zGXTsvZkNVIL-IqhKIA1BezLYpiz7C2RJDgk0jn2G7gtl7TVQRXEfasHNqUAq1CkMtGvOnfdVEUvBIM3BmFGAKmanrEYqW_k-9mYIPXnTxhVL4IKG/s1600/10.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 227px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgxYxQ0R9eSYA-lMmvxbeHdKWYV__zGXTsvZkNVIL-IqhKIA1BezLYpiz7C2RJDgk0jn2G7gtl7TVQRXEfasHNqUAq1CkMtGvOnfdVEUvBIM3BmFGAKmanrEYqW_k-9mYIPXnTxhVL4IKG/s320/10.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5602708973073339170" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(When standing outside the cart, he's as tall as it. I really can't tell you how many animation errors are in this episode. It's not possible.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><b>SHERIFF </b>- King Koopa of course, and if you were paying attention above, you’ve already guessed he’s the Sheriff of Koopingham. Incidentally, after writing that sentence, I did some actual research, and it turns out they’ve used all except Koopadile Dundee and Koopfeld. And they did “Kangaroo Koopa” and “Koopfinger”, so basically, either I’m not as clever as I thought, or this show is so insane it creates accidental self parody. I like him. It's easier to buy bad puns when they're coming out of a snarling lizard, and like all good 80s cartoon villains, he has no motivation outside of being evil. Or maybe polluting.</div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgxYxQ0R9eSYA-lMmvxbeHdKWYV__zGXTsvZkNVIL-IqhKIA1BezLYpiz7C2RJDgk0jn2G7gtl7TVQRXEfasHNqUAq1CkMtGvOnfdVEUvBIM3BmFGAKmanrEYqW_k-9mYIPXnTxhVL4IKG/s1600/10.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja-fqaMVAgY5rF-b5YNk0DlcLeYyF9mmej2m7NPG3_tazTkBaxLrg9z5TnjO6PxMctmIaZx4HWuqcwK80x0cbK5Eu2eTC2keHL5c1-a7b0bf092bTwDhSMi41sNo_u1t2xqcDukcBHOVSS/s1600/11.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 242px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja-fqaMVAgY5rF-b5YNk0DlcLeYyF9mmej2m7NPG3_tazTkBaxLrg9z5TnjO6PxMctmIaZx4HWuqcwK80x0cbK5Eu2eTC2keHL5c1-a7b0bf092bTwDhSMi41sNo_u1t2xqcDukcBHOVSS/s320/11.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5602708971693400242" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Is it weird that they bothered to animate blinking? All the other corners they could cut, they did, but this was important enough to focus on?)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><b>SIR GUY - </b>Let’s just say it’s the Koopa Troopa that gets all the lines. Or maybe all Koopa Troopas sound alike, just like they look alike. What? I’m not racist, they're bad animators! Anyway, I assume the one who talks is his own character, since whoever’s talking usually has a sword and the others don‘t, but it’s not like this show is big on continuity.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVCgrz2D7PNgPN9Xwr-Ie3F5TRgaeGKCwCqmi0hXUUpQJibJTgtxq6eQTr3yqcFUqlQZJZ-3P8JLaPvCUi8V_fOijPjSIK5UaeOJ3KLKkzw3nPcDWuceUolzWQOBxqunn9HVnqirKN0fZN/s1600/KingToadstoolComics.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVCgrz2D7PNgPN9Xwr-Ie3F5TRgaeGKCwCqmi0hXUUpQJibJTgtxq6eQTr3yqcFUqlQZJZ-3P8JLaPvCUi8V_fOijPjSIK5UaeOJ3KLKkzw3nPcDWuceUolzWQOBxqunn9HVnqirKN0fZN/s320/KingToadstoolComics.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5608630035640092322" style="cursor: pointer; width: 160px; height: 221px; " /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Oh thank heavens! I'm back to my old self again. Thank you so much. Here is a rake from the princess.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><b>THE MAN - </b>Have you ever noticed how often in fiction you have a princess running the country with no one above her? Call me old fashioned, but where I come from, AMERICA, a princess with no parents is called a queen. Anyway, this is an issue that has been addressed twice that I know of. In the poorly-recieved and poorly-made but pleasingly-insane film adaptation, where the king has been turned into an enourmous network of fungus, gives the brothers stuff, and turns into Lance Henriksen at the end. This is appropriately bizarre. In the comics, he was actually a reigning monarch, albeit a childishly stupid and self-involved one. He closed a peanut butter jar on his tie! Hilarious! I love those comics. I really don't think they gave a shit when they were writing them, and they have a really odd style of naturalistic writing that works kind of fantastically.</div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja-fqaMVAgY5rF-b5YNk0DlcLeYyF9mmej2m7NPG3_tazTkBaxLrg9z5TnjO6PxMctmIaZx4HWuqcwK80x0cbK5Eu2eTC2keHL5c1-a7b0bf092bTwDhSMi41sNo_u1t2xqcDukcBHOVSS/s1600/11.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY6zx3W8g16FheGoaPFryIGCjm8BW8dVLZnmddpFmORGxSseH_6Oa9h2-SPUXRb1DhzdvowyobsEBno3do5GOF8Q1-GuB1yNxGW8-V1Jc5SQEFc4uZoB7GSV3twmF80GKbRhCrzcockiKC/s1600/12.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 231px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY6zx3W8g16FheGoaPFryIGCjm8BW8dVLZnmddpFmORGxSseH_6Oa9h2-SPUXRb1DhzdvowyobsEBno3do5GOF8Q1-GuB1yNxGW8-V1Jc5SQEFc4uZoB7GSV3twmF80GKbRhCrzcockiKC/s320/12.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5602708963196764770" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(I was going to speculate on what's going on in this image, but I disturbed myself.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><b>OTHER MERRIES - </b>None but the good mush-folk of Sharewood Village. Don't blame me, that's what they call them. They all look a bit... off. Like they're not real people, but rather semi-successful robot creations. Their proportions are all weird, they have these saggy unnatural faces, and two of them talk through vocoders for no reason.</div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY6zx3W8g16FheGoaPFryIGCjm8BW8dVLZnmddpFmORGxSseH_6Oa9h2-SPUXRb1DhzdvowyobsEBno3do5GOF8Q1-GuB1yNxGW8-V1Jc5SQEFc4uZoB7GSV3twmF80GKbRhCrzcockiKC/s1600/12.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkDUmJqqB1xG4b7Z-COH85PO9-C3rMAlcYjeATU4cIYjJ2Krkth0dsMDlGWyFfNsmG0FfBZD1w9SI2V4RV7G0OQMPi8CKhkGvYhJzJUb2urC4OSQy-eEobb5gNWh6SVnTUspVdRV8W3B4g/s1600/14.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 244px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkDUmJqqB1xG4b7Z-COH85PO9-C3rMAlcYjeATU4cIYjJ2Krkth0dsMDlGWyFfNsmG0FfBZD1w9SI2V4RV7G0OQMPi8CKhkGvYhJzJUb2urC4OSQy-eEobb5gNWh6SVnTUspVdRV8W3B4g/s320/14.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5602708959994079986" /></a></div></div></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(On the other hand, if I said what's ACTUALLY going on here, you'd assume I was speculating disturbingly.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>OTHER VILLAINS - </b>The only non-Koopa-or-troopa villain we get is Fry Guy, a Mario 2 badnik who I don't think I've ever encountered in the game, due to my tendency to use warp pipes to get the heck to world 4. He gives them a chance to use the fire puns they had lying around when they ran out of pasta puns. And Toad and Hooded Robin have to seduce him. In disguise. I don't know.</div><div><br /></div><div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLRhCvk9sYzaqzU1hSSlYcY3GR77mWycNZrvcLlqlb76__Tx9_QNvsO0bCbtVbtmVGrs9iYq5zOJklRrBUfbRlaYtOmCFVRYA7zuFgXKQq4wu5mF468Wmia-tBGQTzjEtfaosPXe7MT2H4/s320/13.jpg" style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 236px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5602708959769523202" /></div></div><div><br /></div>Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-515494236333988225.post-59162449193617690932010-07-24T19:22:00.000-07:002010-08-24T15:02:26.578-07:00Under the Hood: Part 14: Robin Hood, Series 2<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjmOqjNFWgGfK3XvGGEFWi5QQDc3fKIjQ8yPuqRNQkGhVVduvK1hEUNUrVrAB5yzRWfCq2otvGayhXW5vd3nWNyDcPgtDMbHnaO7-jqTmxj_AEvK6AiIH3rb6wCHejo4yrK8ec7kgtoS2z/s1600/1.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 239px; height: 119px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjmOqjNFWgGfK3XvGGEFWi5QQDc3fKIjQ8yPuqRNQkGhVVduvK1hEUNUrVrAB5yzRWfCq2otvGayhXW5vd3nWNyDcPgtDMbHnaO7-jqTmxj_AEvK6AiIH3rb6wCHejo4yrK8ec7kgtoS2z/s320/1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497664531432470034" border="0" /></a><br /><b><br /></b><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b>PLOT OF THE SEASON – </b>Get your bow, Robin! There's a-doin's a-transpirin'! The Sheriff has solved that little problem of you maybe killing him by making a deal with Prince John. If the Sheriff doesn't send a seal* to John every week, Nottingham is burned to the ground. And how is the Sheriff paying for this magnificent life assurance? In evil schemes, of course! He's helping John get a variety of nobles on his side, so that when King Richard returns to England, they'll kill him and use their freshly loyal armies to solidify John's hold on the country. Only Robin Hood can stop him, but it won't be easy. For one thing, baldy beardy hasn't given up on doing extracurricular evil schemes for the fun of it, Marian's living in the castle after Guy burned down her house, and he's got five sidekicks trying to jump on the character development train.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">*A wax seal**, not a live seal.</p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">** Meaning an impression of the sheriff's ring in wax, not a seal made of wax.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b>APOLOGY </b>- First I need to say something I totally missed in my season one review: The theme tune kicks ass. Bum ba da BUMMM ba da da bum banadadadaDUM! Great stuff. I really should have mentioned it in my last review. They play it at the many suitably heroic moments and it’s just so great that Robin gets his own heroic theme to pull out at inspirational moments, like Indiana Jones or Superman. It’s such a hero thing, and not one of the other things we‘ve seen here have had that kind of strong theme. (DIGRESSION: I like Shirley Walker’s “Superman the Animated Series” theme better than the one from the movies.) So anyway, sorry I missed that.</span></p><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkYCT5_Y-fIYwwrxrofmwrjN7yrPwNuLVqVAfJ43mG9FCssE5aJtD5CvrcQ8mFb4toYv0CpgUe4XI3Q3On5IDKucDTVlN7t4AfVT7KfiNcEOcH0dQuu1YH-dTi_t9TtS7vVF5DbypMHwCP/s1600/2.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkYCT5_Y-fIYwwrxrofmwrjN7yrPwNuLVqVAfJ43mG9FCssE5aJtD5CvrcQ8mFb4toYv0CpgUe4XI3Q3On5IDKucDTVlN7t4AfVT7KfiNcEOcH0dQuu1YH-dTi_t9TtS7vVF5DbypMHwCP/s320/2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497664523810883890" border="0" /></a><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkYCT5_Y-fIYwwrxrofmwrjN7yrPwNuLVqVAfJ43mG9FCssE5aJtD5CvrcQ8mFb4toYv0CpgUe4XI3Q3On5IDKucDTVlN7t4AfVT7KfiNcEOcH0dQuu1YH-dTi_t9TtS7vVF5DbypMHwCP/s1600/2.jpg"></a><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">(Outlaws can't catch you... If you're on FIRE. *tap tap*)</span><br /></i></b><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b>THE GOOD -</b> Thankfully, the writers really figured out what worked from last season and what didn’t. The mood is more lighthearted but the stakes are more dramatic, the dialogue’s wittier but the performances are realer, and most important, the haircuts are a lot saner. The ham-fisted modern parallels are… less so. Look at it this way: Worst line was not something with a lot of competition this season, and the line that I chose is more because it could have been so much better. But for best line, there was serious competition, and I... well, you'll see. There’s none worth complaining about, so that’s something. In fact, they have a line that's very similar to my 'fixed' worst line of the last season. Marian's dad, Sir Someone, says that he believes in the rights of the free man, and the sheriff's response is a concise "Who cares what you believe?" Anyway, good season. I actually ranked it at five stars on Netflix. Truth be told, on a 1-5 scale, I’d give it like a 4.3, but I bumped it up because it was just that enjoyable. Of course, that missing .7 had to come from somewhere.</span></p><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimGV_5TJP0fAyeGiOw4GPu7ybH9QkwE4ZHZn1TpktvBB9v_91VPWiKS8ASVxKzEqzJ7ettqN8I_d67a9oqDPOD7SlK1D4YhusNMKC3jY2Pp_mFXRsC6MhbkQW4p9sSqB2wCUgujWmFIU3q/s1600/3.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimGV_5TJP0fAyeGiOw4GPu7ybH9QkwE4ZHZn1TpktvBB9v_91VPWiKS8ASVxKzEqzJ7ettqN8I_d67a9oqDPOD7SlK1D4YhusNMKC3jY2Pp_mFXRsC6MhbkQW4p9sSqB2wCUgujWmFIU3q/s320/3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497664429980791746" border="0" /></a><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimGV_5TJP0fAyeGiOw4GPu7ybH9QkwE4ZHZn1TpktvBB9v_91VPWiKS8ASVxKzEqzJ7ettqN8I_d67a9oqDPOD7SlK1D4YhusNMKC3jY2Pp_mFXRsC6MhbkQW4p9sSqB2wCUgujWmFIU3q/s1600/3.jpg"></a><i>(When we finally see the mercenary army the Sheriff's been building all season, the results are... underwhelming.)</i><br /><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b>THE BAD -</b> Let’s be clear, a few episodes are blatant stinkers. But I’m used to that. You can’t be a fan of genre television without learning to bear it. Like on Doctor Who, you can‘t get to “The Girl in the Fireplace“ without first sitting through “Fear Her” . (American Equivalent - You have to sit through “Hide and Q” to see “Tapestry”.) The finale particularly went all over the place, negating the rest of the season in the most convoluted and crazy way possible. (See also: Doctor Who) But as I say, I’m used to that, and it doesn’t bother me so much. What does bother me are the little subtle ways the writers don’t trust themselves. Their lack of faith in their own plotting leads them to fall back on clichéd business like Guy/Marian sexual tension or Robin brooding, and none of that works at all. But for things that really bothered me, most of it fits in with the individual sections, and is thus dealt with below in a presumably humorous manner.</span></p><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-8ixKoD0XaVlOXcrunN7twoRDIDiK8V58ucXzF-sKr6XaN1dqZ4585yjAgI1DluYRuo3kF4GCvYOjal2lYtWruUWtQ4Emv4aWWTW8RezDgKc_DivYzO2I6wGNS-_O0aRAghTAolHem5eN/s1600/4.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-8ixKoD0XaVlOXcrunN7twoRDIDiK8V58ucXzF-sKr6XaN1dqZ4585yjAgI1DluYRuo3kF4GCvYOjal2lYtWruUWtQ4Emv4aWWTW8RezDgKc_DivYzO2I6wGNS-_O0aRAghTAolHem5eN/s320/4.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497664422542607490" border="0" /></a><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-8ixKoD0XaVlOXcrunN7twoRDIDiK8V58ucXzF-sKr6XaN1dqZ4585yjAgI1DluYRuo3kF4GCvYOjal2lYtWruUWtQ4Emv4aWWTW8RezDgKc_DivYzO2I6wGNS-_O0aRAghTAolHem5eN/s1600/4.jpg"></a><i>(Little John, looking like an unsubstantiated Bigfoot photo.)</i><br /><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-8ixKoD0XaVlOXcrunN7twoRDIDiK8V58ucXzF-sKr6XaN1dqZ4585yjAgI1DluYRuo3kF4GCvYOjal2lYtWruUWtQ4Emv4aWWTW8RezDgKc_DivYzO2I6wGNS-_O0aRAghTAolHem5eN/s1600/4.jpg"></a><b>THE OTHERWISE WORTHY OF MENTION - </b>There's a neat bit in the first episode where the gang stops someone in the woods and ask how much money they have, advising them that if they tell the truth, they will lose ten percent to the outlaws, and if they lie, they will lose it all. This is actually a feature of some older tellings of the story, and is rather nifty. That is the "gang", by the by. Robin always refers to them as his "gang", rather than "band" or whatever. The gang also gets a group catchphrase this year, "We are Robin Hood!" This shows that all of them share the outlaw status and the credit and the name, and is quite nice. It also sets up one of them taking over if Robin dies, but... No, no, I'm getting ahead of myself. Wait 'til next season, guys.</div><div><br /></div><div>You know, I have a weird attitude toward anachronism. There's an episode where someone's poisoning villagers, and they throw around words like "scientist" and "infection" and quarantine the sick, and just generally demonstrate a modern understanding of germ theory and research. That doesn't bug me. The sheriff saying "scallywag" bugs the heck out of me. It's because it's meant to sound historical, but it's from the wrong period. The word dates back to the 1870s. It's the wrong sort of old dammit! There is a historically apt moment I loved, when one of the treasonous villains points out that Richard has been on his crusade for too long, has become out of touch, and is neglecting England. Great points, treasonous asshole!<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpWzXqt2mgg73YIH2M9mj0oyg50jK5NGBFAfL9-B32tst4EjokhgB8hRLj4g_BaOaixAdulCNOw1x6x13c0GxQhrBzQ1D_epBSySFsEee3nq81SFuELKgybcs__5LEaovtu0NhWni6j5tm/s1600/5.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpWzXqt2mgg73YIH2M9mj0oyg50jK5NGBFAfL9-B32tst4EjokhgB8hRLj4g_BaOaixAdulCNOw1x6x13c0GxQhrBzQ1D_epBSySFsEee3nq81SFuELKgybcs__5LEaovtu0NhWni6j5tm/s320/5.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497664418248012466" border="0" /></a><div><br /></div><div><i>(I bet that's what William Burroughs looked like right before he... Well, you know. All's I'm saying is Marian better not be off camera with a shot glass on her head.)</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><b>ROBIN - </b> Well, as I was making ready to post this, I realized that I had managed to complete this whole review without writing this section. Whoops. Ah, you know what? Just read what I wrote so far, plus the Robin section from the season one review, and take a guess at what I think. You're probably pretty close. Except I'd be funnier. Oh, and he gets a catchphrase this season, too: "Trust me. I have a plan." He <i>usually </i>does.</div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpWzXqt2mgg73YIH2M9mj0oyg50jK5NGBFAfL9-B32tst4EjokhgB8hRLj4g_BaOaixAdulCNOw1x6x13c0GxQhrBzQ1D_epBSySFsEee3nq81SFuELKgybcs__5LEaovtu0NhWni6j5tm/s1600/5.jpg"></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioOMcfD2g6qb6y0uW7Oqv235sq4MwE9VIWc2-M7L6foL8lLX8Y-KyideJHkhJZVKD5yZXVgcZiBWNDR3LUl-5NEGeRkBq_xAmfAbHVwY5bs6IHl8pogmqv70nX2fwv9PczW_ntsoyW3q5o/s1600/6.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioOMcfD2g6qb6y0uW7Oqv235sq4MwE9VIWc2-M7L6foL8lLX8Y-KyideJHkhJZVKD5yZXVgcZiBWNDR3LUl-5NEGeRkBq_xAmfAbHVwY5bs6IHl8pogmqv70nX2fwv9PczW_ntsoyW3q5o/s320/6.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497664414108064402" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">("Barbers... I do not like." [joke by the author's brother])</span><br /><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b>LITTLE JOHN -</b> Thank god Gordon Kennedy decided to let his hair grow in the off season. He looks great this season, and his character really clicked… most of the time. Having apparently spent some time on the Klingon homeworld, John has developed a new catchphrase; “It is a good day to die!” And for the most part is all fun and gung-ho, until on incredibly wangsty scene where he admits he has a for realsies death wish, due to his likely-forever separation from his wife and son. In this speech, he refers to his son as “Little Little John”, eliciting a very loud and inappropriate laugh from me. On the wonderfully ridiculous front, John’s considerable strength has been amped up this season to Hulk-like levels. When he stops a giant stone wall from closing by lifting it with his back, or punches down a door that Will can’t lock pick, it’s always fun. He also gets to handle the medicine this year, which makes sense, what with him being a woodsman and knowing all the plants and what have you. If this was last year, Jack would be doing the medicine. But other people are allowed to be special now!</span></p><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh79auek0UHtcBfq7QQhnah8AXAVuxyCdE3FQE_Rcm2-a9mEO_TtoLYvjgZzHawyl2rN9WjfTe7qGNo3YyJqZsOAxCtCzjZRGyGqoRMCDYnCCMFFmW7p6T5TdBWaTeH8EyQTdbuFdv5wLV6/s1600/7.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh79auek0UHtcBfq7QQhnah8AXAVuxyCdE3FQE_Rcm2-a9mEO_TtoLYvjgZzHawyl2rN9WjfTe7qGNo3YyJqZsOAxCtCzjZRGyGqoRMCDYnCCMFFmW7p6T5TdBWaTeH8EyQTdbuFdv5wLV6/s320/7.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497664406367020690" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(The decision to make Will more distinctive to the audience by a funny hat was, I feel, a misstep.)</span><b><br /></b><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b>WILL SCARLET - </b>Will Scarlet - SUPERCARPENTER! Okay, so after napping his way through season one, the Scarlet wonder makes a return here, and they seem to have decided that since the only cool stuff he ever did was build something or go after the castle’s architecture, they’d play up his carpentry skill even more this time around. And it’s… well, it’s frankly implausible a lot of the time. Making a camouflaged entrance to the gang’s hideout: Good. Making a wooden slide projector: Bad. On a positive note, Harry Lloyd can widen his eyes now! Hooray! Acting! Actually, I saw him on an episode of Doctor Who, and he was kind of amazingly over the top. Maybe he only has two speeds. Deranged On Account of Alien Posession and Subtle To the Point of Napping. But anyway, the wide and narrow eyes help a lot, and he actually has some nice moments in the last few episodes, when they step up the writing on Will, which helps a lot. Oh, and his mustache thickens up a lot this season, which somehow looks pretty good, rather than being creepy, like you would expect.</span></p><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxO8vGMzMmHe5UJQKUR0pRw8bVnCg68_TWOLHE7pex9d864rnD2X9jk5v2Z6RMT5QRP0TqutLwDuYz5sE-bkMq0IHPy2kO120SBf4chKbVj-ZU3Jw84fTHEiEvQV-sqv3iz-6OrJDQKM8m/s1600/8.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 128px; height: 185px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxO8vGMzMmHe5UJQKUR0pRw8bVnCg68_TWOLHE7pex9d864rnD2X9jk5v2Z6RMT5QRP0TqutLwDuYz5sE-bkMq0IHPy2kO120SBf4chKbVj-ZU3Jw84fTHEiEvQV-sqv3iz-6OrJDQKM8m/s320/8.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497664107477304690" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Tuck will be played by the English lovechild of Dennis Hayesbert and the Old Spice guy.)</span><br /><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b>TUCK </b>- Still not shown up, but the third season has aired, and Tuck finally made the cut, so you‘ll hear about him eventually. He’s a tall, handsome, muscular, black man. Normally, I’d roll my eyes at this, but given what they’ve done with Alan and Much, I say let’s go nuts. </span> </p><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcuoLCQnuN0WFk86f21T3DmoHCKjpWgTlMDXqbmyY_BpdPvK9WZc3n857kHubllK-0hUV6V8wYpox3Uj9MY_iOXp55OPsiJZZr3ZZHQRh2ykqKoc1_t8v8GqiXJFcBtqs0SBQLivK4JgIV/s1600/9.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcuoLCQnuN0WFk86f21T3DmoHCKjpWgTlMDXqbmyY_BpdPvK9WZc3n857kHubllK-0hUV6V8wYpox3Uj9MY_iOXp55OPsiJZZr3ZZHQRh2ykqKoc1_t8v8GqiXJFcBtqs0SBQLivK4JgIV/s320/9.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497664100621093106" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(I forget what was going on here, but based on the rest of the season, I'd have to guess Much noticed they shouldn't be shooting at something, and everyone else ignored him and called him stupid.)</span><br /><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b>MUCH </b>- Speaking of whom... Sadly, the tradeoff for the far superior season we have here is that my favorite character from season one doesn’t do quite so well. Part of it is just that with the increasing development of the other characters, and Robin’s more solid relationship with Marian, Much’s role as confidante is way less important. So with less importance to the hero and no episodes for himself this year, his role dissolves mostly to complaining and being jealous of Marian. Poo. And what’s more, the writers have decided that it would be the absolute height of comedy to have the other characters constantly make fun of much and not treat him like an actual part of the gang. By the time the season is done, he has fully transitioned from Faithful Sidekick to Butt Monkey. (By the way, when one is making notes on a show into a tape recorder, the phrase "Butt Monkey Much" is hard to say.) To make matters worse, Much keeps on making really good points and prudent observations, yet the show seems determined to make him look like he's just a whiner. No! He's making sense! Jerky show. You ruined my favorite character! </span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGNWkhPVzx8DT0Udrkn7IgvikkBrR_VYBW6INleSO6tfwBQqTOryBjFctrJFZlYea41dUxwHPP1XVnX11PuLcorpG3BVBpeTzfmIBGyFvyEblhYhfLtHC5tcaCblg6DKhsMhK7cy3nNm-d/s1600/pt1.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGNWkhPVzx8DT0Udrkn7IgvikkBrR_VYBW6INleSO6tfwBQqTOryBjFctrJFZlYea41dUxwHPP1XVnX11PuLcorpG3BVBpeTzfmIBGyFvyEblhYhfLtHC5tcaCblg6DKhsMhK7cy3nNm-d/s320/pt1.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5509085731858654754" style="cursor: pointer; width: 241px; height: 320px; " /></a></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><i>(When I say run, run. RUN.)</i></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;">By the way, I totally forgot to tell you guys last time, but the guy who plays Much is the grandson of the first-ever TV Robin Hood, who was also the second (and my favorite) Doctor Who. He’s got awesome in his blood.</span></p><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiyHWta_feVKcXqBsmNzRGIqaCv1ek42BaHONd4NJk26D8cNtk8CTBWm_BuYc97IsDGUW75qCcy-Zsljj32daK3E0ePu7iU6XLeMycdwSBguhIKIqzOYr018Th6wzHnZXpYOdLV-Yry9yl/s1600/10.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiyHWta_feVKcXqBsmNzRGIqaCv1ek42BaHONd4NJk26D8cNtk8CTBWm_BuYc97IsDGUW75qCcy-Zsljj32daK3E0ePu7iU6XLeMycdwSBguhIKIqzOYr018Th6wzHnZXpYOdLV-Yry9yl/s320/10.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497664096948305250" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(It took her a while to get the idea of 'camouflage')</span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><br /><b>MARIAN </b>- DEAD, BABY. I’m just kidding, again. They actually did the fakeout death at the end of last season, but she’s fine. In this season, the Sheriff grows ever more suspicious of Marian and Sir Someone, and Guy capitalizes on this by burning down their house so they’ll have to live in the castle, and Marian can never refuse to see him. How romantic. Naturally, this makes spying a little hard for her, but she manages to get quite a bit of vital info to the outlaws by clever subterfuge and stepping up her seduction game to like a billion. Guy, of course, buys it hook, line, and anachronistic fishing device, and thinks she really really likes him. So when her father dies attempting to escape the castle’s prison and Marian runs away, he takes it hard. When he finds out she’s been helping the outlaws, he takes it harder. And when she tells him she was in love with Robin all along, he stabs her in the stomach. So yeah, I really wasn’t kidding when I said she was dead. I think we can safely say no one saw that coming. Except all of you now that you’ve read this. And if you looked at the pictures at the end of the last review.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPuBvDOaOaE5yDdN8rWWT3Cm-gUiUwUUKLq6qrlA3bKWzWtLzZaYbhsTxjhmXFJDWN2rxu7IZeOtm6udIkgz73F6ASFYqo6KHmPyo76seTuO51BrmhiuDk4Znlp0dKS4l-fYZICJCrnMh3/s1600/11.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPuBvDOaOaE5yDdN8rWWT3Cm-gUiUwUUKLq6qrlA3bKWzWtLzZaYbhsTxjhmXFJDWN2rxu7IZeOtm6udIkgz73F6ASFYqo6KHmPyo76seTuO51BrmhiuDk4Znlp0dKS4l-fYZICJCrnMh3/s320/11.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497664088510966386" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Man, everyone should get a bad guy costume next year.)</span><br /><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b>ALAN </b>- Can I say best thing ever? Sure I can. And that’s good, because I’m going to say that Alan’s role in this season is to be given the <b>BEST THING EVER AWARD</b>, taking the title from the previous holder, which was… I don’t know, Patrick Bergin’s mustache or something. See, last season, they played with the idea that Alan might pinch the outlaw’s stash and run off on his own, but he decided not to. This season… Well, he got a better offer. He spent most of the first episode out of commission after getting captured running a shell game in Nottingham, and after a spot of light torture, Guy comes in with a proposition. Spy on the outlaws, and not only do I not kill you, but I’ll slide you some dough on the side. Feeling that this is his best option, Al starts spilling the beans on some of their upcoming plans. He’s careful not to reveal their secret base or rat out Marian, but that doesn’t help when Robin Hood finds him out, and they have a full-blown ass-kicking fest all over the castle. Alan finds his career opportunities limited after this, and saves his life by taking up a full-time henching position with the Gisbourne firm, complete with snazzy new bad-guy outfit. (This includes an implication that leather jackets are part of the villain ranking system.) For the rest of the season, he’s striking a balance between trying to prove to the gang that he can be trusted while still avoiding getting disemboweled by his famously unstable boss. Even better, his clever plans and outside-the-box thinking are more appreciated by Team Evil, so he's got his ego in the mix. He never falters from wanting to do good, but when forced to do evil, he'll do it well. It's great.</span></p><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjosT954XQLsuWn7uQSRXXdeKBJhMJpfaniOSdovcxZOPEetoXd1A1ks_hNyAyTMLivk78qIaLBWun91Fpit20RjlZipX05Ogu6AmU6GZglCbA4-8dL-DuVkbKYR89p7i60Jh3ml1gpuW6o/s1600/12.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjosT954XQLsuWn7uQSRXXdeKBJhMJpfaniOSdovcxZOPEetoXd1A1ks_hNyAyTMLivk78qIaLBWun91Fpit20RjlZipX05Ogu6AmU6GZglCbA4-8dL-DuVkbKYR89p7i60Jh3ml1gpuW6o/s320/12.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497664084519951010" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Hello, the Queen of England. I am a Saracen. Let's not make this any more awkward than it has to be.)</span><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br /></span><b>JACK </b>- Jack femmes herself up this year, and EVERYONE WINS! Actually, the attractiveness of Jack is kind of annoying. Sometimes up to twice an episode, Jack uses her feminine wiles to aid the gang. Anjali Jay is a very attractive lady, but she’s a brown person at the time of the crusades who has a boy haircut and wears pants. I can’t imagine the average guard would go all Tex Avery goo goo eyes on her. And speaking of her distinctive physical appearance, there’s a few scenes where Guy doesn’t recognize her. Then again, he never recognized the Night Watchman’s gender either. Maybe the revelation that Guy is blind is part of season 3. Thanks to her, the team is minus two at the end, since she decides to stay in the Holy Land, and Will stays with her, them having admitted their love for each other in the previous episode. Sure, just take the guy away as soon as he gets interesting. I’m sure your family will love you bringing home an English guy during the frickin’ Crusade. Guess who’s coming to dinner? INFIDELS.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5ZT1jy1M_pX1J-MGQgIGfO87UWeVbzAF_zyGKJfzJwVr9eu-3XqDlfqjPUYhMK9n-WK506BA5WwHhX47rK9TtXVbHvRlFxU5TUxUg7JjxMevumCR-R48ULkbT4pW0nYxktl7NGnx31DuB/s1600/13.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5ZT1jy1M_pX1J-MGQgIGfO87UWeVbzAF_zyGKJfzJwVr9eu-3XqDlfqjPUYhMK9n-WK506BA5WwHhX47rK9TtXVbHvRlFxU5TUxUg7JjxMevumCR-R48ULkbT4pW0nYxktl7NGnx31DuB/s320/13.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497663980753364066" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Part of me really wishes they did a musical episode. This duet would be fantastic.)</span><br /><br /><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b>SHERIFF </b>- The Sheriff got off to a shaky start this season, which had me concerned. The first episode dealt with the arrival of his sister, who he truly loved, and who died at the end, causing him to darkly swear vengeance on Hood. Oh crap, thinks I, they’re going to turn the Sheriff angsty! Thankfully, he’s soon back to his sarcastic self, the sister is quite rightly ignored as a bad idea, and he can get on with the evil plans. Such plans include suspending all of his money in a cage in the public square so Robin won’t dare go after it, staging a public behanding wherein the victim, her children, and the ENTIRE crowd watching were working for him, the suit of indestructible armor, the use of mirrors to create decoy treasure in a James Bondian trap room… Frankly, it’s impressive he had time to overthrow the king at all. </span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXvL457NUW0nA1t9FLCVws0HMGpi-_u0Z3It9lqGCuw2bSN2bQ4RJnrQXyvO6JzwawLnxDt-0GwGrTRaHev4yNEwDxNpmFmq2W45_kBWIdhdkOFJ9vwEoUeRVH-Dbvczk1yttCY7qaZl18/s1600/sheriffs.bmp"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXvL457NUW0nA1t9FLCVws0HMGpi-_u0Z3It9lqGCuw2bSN2bQ4RJnrQXyvO6JzwawLnxDt-0GwGrTRaHev4yNEwDxNpmFmq2W45_kBWIdhdkOFJ9vwEoUeRVH-Dbvczk1yttCY7qaZl18/s320/sheriffs.bmp" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5503994205399322210" style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 134px; " /></a></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><i>(Just visually, I mean. You have to admit, it is striking.)</i></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;">His all-time crowning moment has to come in the episode “Walkabout”, just after Robin Hood has stolen evidence implicating the Sheriff in treason. Sheriff is so stressed about this that he winds up sleepwalking right into the heart of Sherwood. Coincidentally this is also the day that Prince John needs his seal or else he’ll destroy Nottingham, much to the shock of Guy, who‘s found himself in charge. So Sheriff’s in the middle of the forest, with no time, no shoes, no money, no weapons, not even his false tooth*, and he still manages to form an evil outlaw band, con his way into Robin’s camp, rob the gang blind, screw over his partners, and stroll past the torch-bearing mob into Nottingham, berating Gisbourne without missing a beat. Pure. Class.</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> </p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;">*Keith Allen lost a tooth filming the season one finale, and they wrote it into the character by having him keep a variety of jeweled teeth in human skulls around his room. It's all kinds of awesome.</span></p> <p></p> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8xl_FeMfMpfTII4DQ9TFdh-6KE90pUEYEep0AxFQCSvX5mJNW3OQfn8iJ2481sCu2FPQcTzBxn2D-c6ZHoEVHOa-K77sz4X5ynkW0Yp_eFJYgvIUiB6kWuYHDV1Xq4GB_yuDRDan85jTl/s1600/14.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8xl_FeMfMpfTII4DQ9TFdh-6KE90pUEYEep0AxFQCSvX5mJNW3OQfn8iJ2481sCu2FPQcTzBxn2D-c6ZHoEVHOa-K77sz4X5ynkW0Yp_eFJYgvIUiB6kWuYHDV1Xq4GB_yuDRDan85jTl/s320/14.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497663972042685058" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Apparently, this was supposed to be intimidating, but it really just looks like they made the basic shape, then ran out of armor money before they finished it.)</span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><b><br />SIR GUY </b>- After Alan, I’m in a mood for handing out awards. So I’m giving Richard Armitage the <b>DUDE, I WOULDN’T WANT YOUR JOB AWARD</b>, previously held by the Wallace Beery wranglers. Armitage has to deal with the plot of the season requiring Guy to be more traitorous, murderous, and sleazy than ever, while at the same time, the writers are keenly aware of his thriving female fan base, and want to make him and Marian look like a legitimate option. It starts out by just making him appear to shower more often, but the badass decay starts setting in around episode 4, in weird ways. There's all these awkwardly forced “not such a bad guy after all” moments placed in the context of plots where he, in fact, IS such a bad guy after all. Aww, he doesn’t want to kill those little kids… so he’s sending them to be slaves at a mine! Aww, he gave Marian a pass out of the castle… where she lives because he burned her house down! Aww, he saved her from the outlaws… and he killed her dad! Really, the only totally selfless moment is when he refuses Prince John’s offer to be allowed leave Nottingham alive, deciding instead to stay and fight the soldiers at Marians urging. But that’s slightly mitigated by the fact that he first tried to use the offer to coerce Marian into marrying him. Oh, and that a few episodes later he announces his intention to use his position to “marry” her whether she wants to or not. Oh, and all the stabbing her.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvXCDtvdxMAH6QrFZxr6NhPaOP31J5Gu7MmzYoF7_8-05XLCgQkQKkWRyDjFbzZVSp83y0Lh_FuI6LZVn6KSKPr3akeRJ8Ha0a0P6TPqxJ5WeABA1Alfywx-wFnrqWDgZ5dTSuVPPVy5G8/s1600/15.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvXCDtvdxMAH6QrFZxr6NhPaOP31J5Gu7MmzYoF7_8-05XLCgQkQKkWRyDjFbzZVSp83y0Lh_FuI6LZVn6KSKPr3akeRJ8Ha0a0P6TPqxJ5WeABA1Alfywx-wFnrqWDgZ5dTSuVPPVy5G8/s320/15.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497663974335775010" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(I should note that despite the show's budget and the relative ease with which mail can be obtained, all chain mail on the show is made of fabric. This is bothersome to me as a viewer and a ren fair actor.)</span><br /><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b>THE MAN </b>- Prince John is ever a presence in this series, having entrusted the Sheriff with his plan to kill Richard. We don’t get much of a sense of John other than he’s ambitious. Except he agrees to the Sheriff’s suggestion that if the Sheriff is ever killed, all of Nottingham goes up in flames, which sets up John nicely as a ruthless baddie for season 3. King Richard himself actually appears in the finale, played for the first time I know by an age appropriate actor, somewhere in his mid-thirties. The British creative team just can’t bring themselves to play him as the full-blown asshole he was, and he’s depicted more as misguided and war-hardened. It takes a special kind of patriot to attempt to show a guy as decent while he’s crucifying the heroes in the desert. We also get Queen Eleanor again, and yes, she is the sassy. She also flirts extensively with Little John. Extensively, inappropriately, and repulsively.</span></p><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqNOHMOGvSSfL6D6PrmYgzys_rgr203n4ZWqamvkkvI2__mq6uXkGDI2G12z6wusNkcypSIr28Uzm3iWRYbqmMdlQ8c2Wdb74C07V4Y2-M-FfQyNSkr6pLZVqX6lPh4RhzoAMIsJ2yoKMw/s1600/16.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqNOHMOGvSSfL6D6PrmYgzys_rgr203n4ZWqamvkkvI2__mq6uXkGDI2G12z6wusNkcypSIr28Uzm3iWRYbqmMdlQ8c2Wdb74C07V4Y2-M-FfQyNSkr6pLZVqX6lPh4RhzoAMIsJ2yoKMw/s320/16.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497663962603724658" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(DIE.)<br /><br /></span><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b>OTHER MERRY MEN - </b>The old Alan-a-Dale story gets yet ANOTHER telling here, but it’s such a neat story I can’t really fault them. Since Alan is already a character, they create an original character, <span style="font-weight: bold;">Sir John</span>, and have him as the lovelorn poor person. It’s a good episode, but seriously, if they were going to create a new character, why call him John? We’ve already got Little John, Prince John… They could have called him Sir Richard, that’s a legit Robin Hood character. There’s also a <span style="font-weight: bold;">Jester</span>, who is like the most irritating character ever. I can’t stand when they put a jester in Robin Hood. There was the hideous nutbar from the ‘91 flick, some mincing little twerp Sir Chunkula stabbed in the silent version (though fair’s fair, they were all mincing twerps in that movie.), and now this one… Whereas the other jesters were pretty accurately tiny, ugly, and possibly retarded, this jester is tall and handsome and wears a sexy costume with elaborate makeup. And instead of capering about whilst farting, does a stand-up comedy routine where he steals the “Richard the Lion-Heart” bit from <span style="font-weight: bold;">Eddie Izzard</span>, and then helps the good guys solve a mystery and then disappears forever, thank Primus. </span> </p><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOO1y-v7T9c4yyFulDBAem_GvzxxujRH5pqqEa4q12YF5Y3543Kk2ObWAMSsl4-_iWjX5pbXehgDiD8UPp1www06uSAjWpHf_x3PFRkrHr56Ciof5ryJpe_ITVUoauh_Yz5oQCW_WiHZfX/s1600/17.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOO1y-v7T9c4yyFulDBAem_GvzxxujRH5pqqEa4q12YF5Y3543Kk2ObWAMSsl4-_iWjX5pbXehgDiD8UPp1www06uSAjWpHf_x3PFRkrHr56Ciof5ryJpe_ITVUoauh_Yz5oQCW_WiHZfX/s320/17.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497663959238625538" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Queen Sassy and the Bear Patrol.)<br /></span><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Two other guest stars would be fabulous additions to the band to replace Will and Jack… if they weren’t both dead by the end of the season. Dammit! One of them, a fella named <span style="font-weight: bold;">Carter</span>, is introduced as a villain, with a serious revenge-on for Robin, which he gives up on pretty quickly upon learning that it’s all based on a lie. (Cutesy episode title: Get Carter.) He shows up again in the season finale, to help out and get killed. I assumed they were killing him for cheap drama, but then they killed Marian, so what the hell. The other is Queen Eleanor’s personal bodyguard, whose name (not joking) is <span style="font-weight: bold;">LeGrande</span>. LeGrande is basically Little John cranked up to eleven. Bigger, louder, wilder, and his staff has a big metal chunk on the end. The episode has many hilarious instances of Little John acting like a jealous child and competing to be the best beardy giant. LeGrande doesn’t even make it long enough to get a return appearance, dying near the end of the episode. </span> </p><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0efmyNOyXIpc6rhDqsYEQgwAzBHNO-4TwRoXBTHLSjT9xXfUvznrP_BJKpas04sCm6qg0lXKbxuo1kP-qMPtqX74caJqIfkIp13nwVXbN34Jk2ZRx0F0JblU6U2-VsuBsUp-1UjrbpGtd/s1600/18.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0efmyNOyXIpc6rhDqsYEQgwAzBHNO-4TwRoXBTHLSjT9xXfUvznrP_BJKpas04sCm6qg0lXKbxuo1kP-qMPtqX74caJqIfkIp13nwVXbN34Jk2ZRx0F0JblU6U2-VsuBsUp-1UjrbpGtd/s320/18.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497663818851181602" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(I cannot even try to imagine what that must smell like.)</span><br /><br /><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;">We also get the return of <span style="font-weight: bold;">Dan Scarlet, which is still a funny name.</span> Dan tries to get in on the social justice thing, but doesn’t quite appreciate the secretive nature of it all. After speaking out in public, he gets stabbed, causing will to wreak his bland vengeance. Bland and stupid, since he knows full well about the Sheriff’s deal with Prince John, yet tries to kill him anyway. <b>Will’s dad’s mentor</b> also appears, training the gang to get through the Sheriff’s booby-trapped treasure room. He identifies Will as being angry and passionate, prompting me to wonder if he’s also deaf. And this is before Dan bit it, so it’s not like he’s making an educated guess. Rounding out the good guy season is <span style="font-weight: bold;">the kids</span> from the episode “Child Hood”, who help the gang after they see Guy carrying out Secret Plotting in the forest, where they were playing Robin Hood. It’s kind of adorable, except for the prerequisite Much joke. I mean, it’s one thing if nobody wants to play Much, that’s funny. Like <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaE2hei9ric">when nobody wanted to play Bubbles</a>. But they don’t even know who he is. He’s a major part of the gang, you little assholes! And props to Marian's dad, the famed <b>Sir Someone of Someplace</b>, who spends all season languishing in prison trying to convince everyone to give up on their dreams and quit trying to bone his daughter. He balls up eventually and steals some key evidence for the gang, only to get a knife in the ribs for his trouble. Call that gratitude? 'Cos I don't.</span></p><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhykoCMXvvB6d_vMGyIY5w8OiJ42H_EYzXq6JMcRAsEMLU15auBvm5ph_5CZrvLSVpqfTM5mgPW9AK5mBARmAAxgxGb-NJxdu-hsoGfMnmLWW-ei0vLaJb5VuBEKvVzqhn8oMF4smkZy7HU/s1600/19.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhykoCMXvvB6d_vMGyIY5w8OiJ42H_EYzXq6JMcRAsEMLU15auBvm5ph_5CZrvLSVpqfTM5mgPW9AK5mBARmAAxgxGb-NJxdu-hsoGfMnmLWW-ei0vLaJb5VuBEKvVzqhn8oMF4smkZy7HU/s320/19.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497663813683653522" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Robin Hood versus the Dreaded Green Screen.)</span></div><div><span></span><span style="font-size:100%;"><i><br /></i><span style="font-weight: bold;">OTHER VILLAINS - </span>Not as many guest villains as guest heroes. There’s surprisingly little done with <span style="font-weight: bold;">the Black Knights</span>, the treacherous nobles helping the sheriff overthrow Richard. The only one that gets unique attention is an old friend of Marian’s dad who Robin thinks can be trusted. Turns out he never liked Sir Someone after all, and tries to screw over the band and, of course, bone Marian. There’s also some more outside help hired by the Sheriff for his other plans, including <span style="font-weight: bold;">The Angel of Death</span>, who sends poisoned bread to the peasants in order to see if he can make a poison look like disease, and the <span style="font-weight: bold;">Saracen blacksmith</span> who creates a light yet incredibly strong suit of armor. The smith’s in it for the profit, whereas the other guy… well, look at his name, he’s clearly got issues. Also, he quotes the bible a lot, but nothing appropriate or actually about any angels of death, so he just looks pretentious. Speaking of pretension and religion, there’s also the <span style="font-weight: bold;">Canon of Berkley</span>, who takes the corrupt churchman role in the not-Alan A’Dale story, trading off “Sir John‘s“ fiancée to the highest bidder. He also kills Marian's dad. I know I said earlier it was Guy, but here's how it goes: At the time I wrote that, I hadn't seen the episode for a few months. On reviewing them again, I realized that I was mistaken, but also that the episode seems written to end with Guy killing Edward. (That's his name, by the way. If I'm going to get into his death, I might as well give him that.) I'd place good money on that episode originally ending with Guy doing the deed, but it was changed last minute for reasons discussed above. </span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivqWkQtY0novpJo04DmRseVluhFFNUejKRZ7xf3PaVSVk8GBi2xo1t0UxO_a4wsEODfhApoJFZnjLrxN2cEwrERbhEodIazLXlK5DBdGUNFNgmZUGXrS5qDv9OK7Mqf5z3tcg83-m2Kdie/s1600/20.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivqWkQtY0novpJo04DmRseVluhFFNUejKRZ7xf3PaVSVk8GBi2xo1t0UxO_a4wsEODfhApoJFZnjLrxN2cEwrERbhEodIazLXlK5DBdGUNFNgmZUGXrS5qDv9OK7Mqf5z3tcg83-m2Kdie/s320/20.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497663810179624082" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Missed you, man.)</span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><br />Most excitingly, we’ve got a special return this season… it’s <span style="font-weight: bold;">Nasir</span>! Yes, the lovable Saracen former assassin from Robin of Sherwood finally gets another appearance, and he’s not so lovable nor not so former this time. He is, in fact, the one who arranges the assassination of the king for the Sheriff. He’s actually been sort of split up as he is quite a bit more talkative and smaller than we’ve seen previously, while his <span style="font-weight: bold;">associate</span>, who does the actual killing, is a hulking quiet type. I think being split may have affected his planning skills, though. He follows a three-pronged attack in his attack on the king. One - Make a copy of Saladin’s seal so the king will think you’re a legitimate envoy. So far so good. Two - Tell the king to meet Saladin alone in the desert for peace talks, which the king will agree to because he wants peace more than anything. SERIOUSLY? Is there even point in going on to three? Well, three is to have the big guy pretend to be Saladin and kill the king after delivering the killer one-liner “I am not Saladin!” whilst the Sheriff and Gisbourne watch from a dune, giggling. Maybe Nasir didn’t actually expect to get that far.</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi30Hy2SyWIuBbEv2RjbK2HEU4GenKbHILi5Shoc_6G76mvJqF4m6gyTiJrMx0IqjVj3D39RE895UkBTTZNNvK5pryxDMMdnLYqgiAtXVMZ2rggu-Cv5N4BhW2PvhzC0bQOEaOb3GckOP6n/s1600/21.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi30Hy2SyWIuBbEv2RjbK2HEU4GenKbHILi5Shoc_6G76mvJqF4m6gyTiJrMx0IqjVj3D39RE895UkBTTZNNvK5pryxDMMdnLYqgiAtXVMZ2rggu-Cv5N4BhW2PvhzC0bQOEaOb3GckOP6n/s320/21.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497663807630658066" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Almost completely in context.)</span><br /><br /><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">BEST LINE RUNNERS-UP</span> - Sheriff to Sir Someone and Marian : “Well, well, if it isn't the sanctimonious old fart... And her father.”</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Much, realizing Robin suspects him of being the tra<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">itor: "</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">What do I have to do to prove my loyalty to you? What? Tell me! What? I'll chop off my own arms! Well, one arm. Because once I chop that off then I wouldn't be able to chop off... the other..."</span></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">MUCH: "We're robbing from the rich to give... to the rich?" ROBIN: "That's right. Think of it as a wedding present." MUCH: Can't we just get them a toasting-fork like everyone else?"</span></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">"Well, here's to your dearly departed dead dad Dan." Sheriff to Will. He says this not knowing who Will is except that his father Dan is dead. So as far as he knows, he's not putting the emotional screws to an outlaw, just being an ass to a servant.</span></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">EVIL PRIEST: "As God is my friend, I swear I don't know!" ROBIN: "If you don't tell us, God won't be your friend. He'll be your next door neighbor."</span></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">"No County Park" This is actually not a line from the show, but a bumper sticker I saw while making notes in my recorder. What on earth could it mean.</span></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><a href="http://community.livejournal.com/robinhoodbbc/1176000.html">This long exchange of dialogue, including pictures of Much looking like Tim Minchin.</a></span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:100%;">BEST LINE SUPPLEMENT: SHERIFF AND GISBOURNE GAY WATCH:</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">“<span style="font-size:100%;">Tell me you would rather have a woman, Gisbourne. Tell me you would rather have a woman... Than this.” - The Sheriff's first line of the season (He was referring to a map of the areas they will rul<span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">e after the coup.)</span></span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><span style="color:#000000;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"> <span style="color:#000000;">“<span style="font-size:100%;">Stop whining, Gisbourne. If I'd wanted a wife - I would have found one with better legs." </span></span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"> <span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:100%;">"Guy, why don't you ever kiss my ring?" </span></span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">BEST LINE:</span> “Oh, Guy, Marian sent you a message. She says 'I'm not coming back, get over it, and for God's sake, change your clothes once in a while.' She ran away the minute her dad died, now what does that tell you? It tells me that the crusty one was the only thing keeping her here. She's not coming back, Guy. Move on. I'll tell you what. I'll give you a kiss. Will that make you </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; ">feel better? In fact, if Hood is dead, I'll give you two kisses. Come along... Gizzy gets a kissy?”</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Seriously, all (unintended by the authors) gay jokes aside, that is brilliant writing.</span></p><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFzVDIWZzd5q6Eewyw9gxnzheOlciP66Z_Y04_kf4pqsdo8VsXh5rNUsIu0FHNRhWOjQ-qeuh-kEmDU73GtlOtKrIcvnzUw5nk8j34kwamv1dBOxVyQH9i2EcdoquHcG9q-MokA914Xur-/s1600/22.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFzVDIWZzd5q6Eewyw9gxnzheOlciP66Z_Y04_kf4pqsdo8VsXh5rNUsIu0FHNRhWOjQ-qeuh-kEmDU73GtlOtKrIcvnzUw5nk8j34kwamv1dBOxVyQH9i2EcdoquHcG9q-MokA914Xur-/s320/22.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497663802114540770" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Still from the episode where the Sheriff's magic hat turns everyone into children. I wish.)</span><br /><br /><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">WORST LINE RUNNER-UP - </span>“Pepper! Ouch!” Jack, after throwing pepper in a guy's face. Apparently the writers thought we not only couldn't figure out what she was doing, but also what effect it had on the guy screaming and clutching his eyes.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">WORST LINE -</span> “Come on now, chop chop.” Really, Sheriff? You're going to have someone's hand cut off and that's the best you can do? No, no, I'm not angry. Just... disappointed.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijGwZcXweeI-k7ECDQefeMJiJJ4x1Qs5l9VHOQzcJ0_WLWvaOVjK63eG9L3tWtd5NDjCoiFH18TsMKW-ZuY2QuAb35emmNRDzO1A-_QMhxRtNB8U5Rz4Nhs4JMzca_5jtdIPMVgRc_pLoK/s1600/rob.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 202px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijGwZcXweeI-k7ECDQefeMJiJJ4x1Qs5l9VHOQzcJ0_WLWvaOVjK63eG9L3tWtd5NDjCoiFH18TsMKW-ZuY2QuAb35emmNRDzO1A-_QMhxRtNB8U5Rz4Nhs4JMzca_5jtdIPMVgRc_pLoK/s320/rob.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5501022155258238322" border="0" /></a></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-style: italic;">(But at least we have this to look forward to...)</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> </p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">ONE HUGE MISSED OPPORTUNITY - </span>As mentioned, Much got the short end this year, but there was one moment in particular that bugged me, and that if they had decided to go through with it, would have redeemed the whole season as Much’s crowning moment. When the gang has been left tied to posts in the desert and it’s been hours and death is imminent, Robin and Marian begin reciting wedding vows to each other, and Much begins crying. I so desperately wanted Much to butt in at the end and say “Then by the power vested in me as the rightful Earl of Bonchurch, I pronounce you man and wife.” It would have broken the tension, been amazingly heartwarming, called back to season one and the position Much gave up twice out of loyalty to Robin, and had him bless their relationship after a whole season of being jealous. Instead, Carter turns up, apparently having snuck up unseen despite there being nothing but desert for like three miles on any side. Then King Richard marries them officially after she gets stabbed, which makes her death scene overlong and overindulgent. And the last fight would have been so much cooler if they were fighting as a married couple, and instead of taunting Guy with “I love Robin Hood,” which he already knew, she could have been all like “Robin Who? Oh, you mean my HUSBAND? SLAPPAPOW!” and his stabbing of her would have seemed more natural… Dangit, why don’t they ask me before they make these decisions?</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-weight: bold;"><br /></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-weight: bold;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX8O6-XUwUVqtntYOEEyV4bUjledWrezmJwEp4H4qpz4ox8ZWUNbkjsb8zdWUXN4lEWaI2CwsaPnH_Gi5AhJzd4S_3bpbCfmdxxmQhtlhgwsDtueayHrl0fv74wcdYNQI4YwWJQStcdEy5/s1600/robin-hood2-841.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 208px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX8O6-XUwUVqtntYOEEyV4bUjledWrezmJwEp4H4qpz4ox8ZWUNbkjsb8zdWUXN4lEWaI2CwsaPnH_Gi5AhJzd4S_3bpbCfmdxxmQhtlhgwsDtueayHrl0fv74wcdYNQI4YwWJQStcdEy5/s320/robin-hood2-841.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5501022860133656322" border="0" /></a></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: normal;">(A screencap of the exact moment where Guy tells Marian that the best way to grieve her father is by getting pregnant. What a classy fella.)</span><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">COMING UP NEXT -</span> Look, I’d love to give you a sweet teaser of this one, but I know squat about it. I can’t even give you a basic plot idea. It’s a bootleg I bought at the comic shop, and the back is all in German. I don’t think the movie is in German, since it’s by Hammer Films, but we’ll just have to see.</span></p> <p></p></div></div></div></div></div>Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-515494236333988225.post-59189201309065756622010-04-11T22:11:00.001-07:002010-04-11T23:51:55.465-07:00Under The Hood: Part 13 - Beyond Sherwood Forest<div><b>BEYOND SHERWOOD FOREST (2009)</b></div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigffIQTM_z3nFNmyWfFEmVEas77Q85eMBWfeyoNOz6GVU9PanSHh7Guf-J6H0UDSmAUQlh3QCcLrH8T4heSrX8aLB0SddOSZs_ZAH8hTkuA5cILXnNAseF2yMkHCuxy6G14iZ0BOXAhRl_/s1600/2.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 233px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigffIQTM_z3nFNmyWfFEmVEas77Q85eMBWfeyoNOz6GVU9PanSHh7Guf-J6H0UDSmAUQlh3QCcLrH8T4heSrX8aLB0SddOSZs_ZAH8hTkuA5cILXnNAseF2yMkHCuxy6G14iZ0BOXAhRl_/s320/2.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459115180656250322" /></a><div><br /></div><div><i>(Sequel to the lesser known "Bed Sherwood Forest" and "Bath Sherwood Forest")</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigffIQTM_z3nFNmyWfFEmVEas77Q85eMBWfeyoNOz6GVU9PanSHh7Guf-J6H0UDSmAUQlh3QCcLrH8T4heSrX8aLB0SddOSZs_ZAH8hTkuA5cILXnNAseF2yMkHCuxy6G14iZ0BOXAhRl_/s1600/2.jpg"></a><b>PLOT </b>- Now, pay attention. We begin in a flashback, where spunky tween Robert Something is practicing archery and waiting for his dad, the Vice-Sheriff of Nottingham, to show up and teach him how to shave and play catch with him and tell him about girls. But the Sheriff and his two deputies are busy chasing… a dragon. Yes, it’s one of those. The Sheriff is killed by the beast, making Robin’s dad sheriff. Hooray! In order to gain control of the beast, who turns into a human-looking girl when wounded, the other deputy stabs Robert‘s dad. Booooo! So Robert runs and we flash forward an undetermined number of years where Robert has become Robin and sleeps under what really just looks like a pile of garbage, which is especially odd, since it’s established later that he has an official outlaw base camp. Anyway, the sheriff has finally decided, after (bumbletybum) years, to use the dragon to terrorize the peasantry. So Robin must find a way to kill that which does not die, all the while battling guards, wolves, and a really tedious subplot about Marian. He finally learns (I bet you thought I already got to the weird part) that the dragon, who is named Alina, is actually a fairy from another world, the portal to which lies in Sherwood. Apparently, it just sits there all the time, and no one’s ever noticed. So Robin, Little John, and Will Scarlet go into the fairy world where Robin must climb a mountain to retrieve the magic plant that will cure Alina’s dragonitis, and make her mortal. But the Sheriff… ugh… has cut her heart out of her body, and giving her the plant will kill her, even though she’s not a bad person. And she can't return to her people, because she's been exiled for running away, which seems a silly reason to exile someone. But that’s all resolved somehow, and Marian doesn’t have to get married after all. Oh, did I forget to mention that? Yeah, she… you know what? Who cares. Oh, and Friar Tuck dies.</div><div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdhYmMzNjIKcV9kRqf_iaRVn8Z_qArE6GWxbdKRpuCP7IgSBvcSluwmQBZW37uzI5dsuxZTXG2BXT_s_GWAY4iIk84gG-bGClgPE9rPgMfLnKfoUovW8lxzku9DoUiEWBqa6TPkgqW5GCH/s1600/3.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdhYmMzNjIKcV9kRqf_iaRVn8Z_qArE6GWxbdKRpuCP7IgSBvcSluwmQBZW37uzI5dsuxZTXG2BXT_s_GWAY4iIk84gG-bGClgPE9rPgMfLnKfoUovW8lxzku9DoUiEWBqa6TPkgqW5GCH/s320/3.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459115168283135698" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Ah, the shot that's in every Robin Hood movie.)</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><div><b>THE GOOD -</b> Um… Ah… Let’s see… Well, most of the performances were, if not actually good, sort of winningly enthusiastic. Costumes are okay, if a bit busy. Sets are okay, if a bit small. Photography’s not bad. Basically, it’s a good looking movie. Nothing groundbreaking, but attractive. Which doesn’t make up for…</div><div><br /></div></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdhYmMzNjIKcV9kRqf_iaRVn8Z_qArE6GWxbdKRpuCP7IgSBvcSluwmQBZW37uzI5dsuxZTXG2BXT_s_GWAY4iIk84gG-bGClgPE9rPgMfLnKfoUovW8lxzku9DoUiEWBqa6TPkgqW5GCH/s1600/3.jpg"></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji34OMUiCbXmsJ-VhhTSLQfGIFO-DoTG4ZjLLYoViV2E6OcW96uctG6xiBjg047GoI1LDWI2_RSssOoULs4kElDuCXeiuBan3OuV2Fyu69Ao4AwlabxNeS3iJ0KdqdS4Z2SB4lgJwFblgB/s1600/4.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji34OMUiCbXmsJ-VhhTSLQfGIFO-DoTG4ZjLLYoViV2E6OcW96uctG6xiBjg047GoI1LDWI2_RSssOoULs4kElDuCXeiuBan3OuV2Fyu69Ao4AwlabxNeS3iJ0KdqdS4Z2SB4lgJwFblgB/s320/4.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459115162775840450" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Proof that someone directed this.)</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji34OMUiCbXmsJ-VhhTSLQfGIFO-DoTG4ZjLLYoViV2E6OcW96uctG6xiBjg047GoI1LDWI2_RSssOoULs4kElDuCXeiuBan3OuV2Fyu69Ao4AwlabxNeS3iJ0KdqdS4Z2SB4lgJwFblgB/s1600/4.jpg"></a></b><div><b>THE BAD - </b>The script. Oh, holy crap, the script. The plot is complete nonsense, as if someone had written a standard Robin Hood movie and decided to tack a dragon onto it at the last second. The internal logic is all over the place. Alina turns into a dragon in the sun, except in the first scene, where she turns back into a person for no reason. Alina loses control when she’s a dragon and turns beastly, except the dragon is clearly shown to be intelligent and rational and defy the Sheriff. And I don’t want you thinking the Robin Hood story outside of the dragon stuff is any good, because it’s not. Plot holes abound, and the actual dialogue is constantly cringeworthy. “Worst Line” had some serious contention this time around. I’m trying not to make this a nitpicky post full of specific instances, but there’s really just so much insane in this.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpFvXryi9oh691U2Muj8z3Ph9TPqYUZpeJEdj-Oqs4feiRl9dR-ju7sYTKJ2x5UoJFaC2M9m41SDPPpH2acUg9Xxq3P3Ub1CWsl4dQMIRzIpZE6zbxM4TBvR1GOa8MQzwE1DS7VyThHlIA/s1600/5.png"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 176px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpFvXryi9oh691U2Muj8z3Ph9TPqYUZpeJEdj-Oqs4feiRl9dR-ju7sYTKJ2x5UoJFaC2M9m41SDPPpH2acUg9Xxq3P3Ub1CWsl4dQMIRzIpZE6zbxM4TBvR1GOa8MQzwE1DS7VyThHlIA/s320/5.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459115154344331650" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>("So... How are you?")</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpFvXryi9oh691U2Muj8z3Ph9TPqYUZpeJEdj-Oqs4feiRl9dR-ju7sYTKJ2x5UoJFaC2M9m41SDPPpH2acUg9Xxq3P3Ub1CWsl4dQMIRzIpZE6zbxM4TBvR1GOa8MQzwE1DS7VyThHlIA/s1600/5.png"></a></b><div><b>THE OTHERWISE WORTHY OF MENTION -</b> I’m not going to get into the effects. They’re quite good for a SyFy movie, but that’s still pretty bad, so… yeah. I mean, look at that picture. It actually looks good in still shots. That's not nothing.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMRW-AepNbmYnEwGm1UORbYrb1b9gIzH_mT3oAXpysfA5FriUIDpeVGSrqETU9dcT33_PLc__Zq5dkjIYqzwepkAWEgZY8S5I2z7T2eBGpnY8Jh1IvPZa-D592gW-LEtVsA8fh5M3vOtnh/s1600/6.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 210px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMRW-AepNbmYnEwGm1UORbYrb1b9gIzH_mT3oAXpysfA5FriUIDpeVGSrqETU9dcT33_PLc__Zq5dkjIYqzwepkAWEgZY8S5I2z7T2eBGpnY8Jh1IvPZa-D592gW-LEtVsA8fh5M3vOtnh/s320/6.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459115027665507042" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Robin Hood, played by Robin Dunn. Like Robin is that common of a name.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMRW-AepNbmYnEwGm1UORbYrb1b9gIzH_mT3oAXpysfA5FriUIDpeVGSrqETU9dcT33_PLc__Zq5dkjIYqzwepkAWEgZY8S5I2z7T2eBGpnY8Jh1IvPZa-D592gW-LEtVsA8fh5M3vOtnh/s1600/6.jpg"></a><div><b>ROBIN -</b> Robin in this version is a fascinating and varied character, or so I am informed. Shortly after Marian joins them, she points out that all the other Merries take joy in helping others, but Robin is so serious about it, more like it’s a job, nay, a DUTY. Well, I’m glad Marian was around to let us know that, because I never would have guessed from, you know, watching the movie or anything. Basically, this guy’s just a retread of the hot young Robin Hood the BBC has given us, only with an even worse haircut and no personality. And a hilariously fake accent. When he gets excited, it either just plain disappears, or turns Scottish.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX3gKLAKTKteZfED9L9xGcciWzDfe7TCrq0c5KHjZRu1g6fyyJm0rsN7_TfZuatj0tz97rk46lh_Zh80lGVi3PpivCGNVBHmwUIzOh21OySA2KI05FE2s4IbBfFTPJ7YVqkxotmPP05YFs/s1600/7.jpeg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 176px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX3gKLAKTKteZfED9L9xGcciWzDfe7TCrq0c5KHjZRu1g6fyyJm0rsN7_TfZuatj0tz97rk46lh_Zh80lGVi3PpivCGNVBHmwUIzOh21OySA2KI05FE2s4IbBfFTPJ7YVqkxotmPP05YFs/s320/7.jpeg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459115017035277794" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>("No, John. I'm not taller, I'm just in the foreground.")</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX3gKLAKTKteZfED9L9xGcciWzDfe7TCrq0c5KHjZRu1g6fyyJm0rsN7_TfZuatj0tz97rk46lh_Zh80lGVi3PpivCGNVBHmwUIzOh21OySA2KI05FE2s4IbBfFTPJ7YVqkxotmPP05YFs/s1600/7.jpeg"></a></b><div><b>LITTLE JOHN - </b>And speaking of no personality, here’s Little John! I’m just foolin’. He’s got a personality. Sure, it’s nothing to write home about, just being a boisterous bruiser type, but it’s something. The most interesting part of this Little John is his voice. His accent is pretty inconsistent, but by the time he showed up, I was already used to that. What’s weird is that when he’s speaking calmly, he sounds almost exactly like James Earl Jones. It’s uncanny.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTFfM2jwvqiyjqRblJyyShTGeYoY3DSpViJ-qGB4l9ovaULM065gCbJF4S8w0dIewJOPaPUDyemufbGdVGc2mlPGrspRZfo449W2FeSonyquX02S9LbJAwaIijxg01Sab7RXAnCdQy3EOo/s1600/8.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 288px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTFfM2jwvqiyjqRblJyyShTGeYoY3DSpViJ-qGB4l9ovaULM065gCbJF4S8w0dIewJOPaPUDyemufbGdVGc2mlPGrspRZfo449W2FeSonyquX02S9LbJAwaIijxg01Sab7RXAnCdQy3EOo/s320/8.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459115016046190898" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Judging by the shirt, I'd say he's a brawny man.)</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTFfM2jwvqiyjqRblJyyShTGeYoY3DSpViJ-qGB4l9ovaULM065gCbJF4S8w0dIewJOPaPUDyemufbGdVGc2mlPGrspRZfo449W2FeSonyquX02S9LbJAwaIijxg01Sab7RXAnCdQy3EOo/s1600/8.jpg"></a></b><div><b>WILL SCARLET -</b> Will (who looks like a cross between the BBC Will and <a href="http://www.renfair.com/images/nyrf_amenities.jpg">this guy</a>,) isn’t with the Merries at the beginning, taking on the role of “Townsperson Who Is Angry At Robin For Their Woes”, but once the dragon shows, he swiftly segues into “Guy Who Inevitably Joins The Band To No One’s Surprise Since We Noticed His Name”. He’s the town butcher, and fights at first by dual-wielding cleavers, which is neat. Hey, remember in Avatar when you had Zuko, who uses two broadswords, and Jet, who uses two hookswords, and when Jet challenged Zuko, you knew they were going to have an awesome dual-weilding battle, and Zuko couldn’t use his Firebending, since he was in hiding? That was so cool. Sometimes I like to remind myself that there’s better things on TV.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7ja31-81FqPWBNgwVXivyYHUC4JEGtRtI9iz7h5SSFtRXrXl3h0eC4PM5aPiV34Nh85F8OJQhL02LtCvsiFG0sTuwBkwMPVrY8ZMQSv-JsBjIGxmm0G7AT_v2P86Srx2ps7PxecBvqcgz/s1600/9.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 212px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7ja31-81FqPWBNgwVXivyYHUC4JEGtRtI9iz7h5SSFtRXrXl3h0eC4PM5aPiV34Nh85F8OJQhL02LtCvsiFG0sTuwBkwMPVrY8ZMQSv-JsBjIGxmm0G7AT_v2P86Srx2ps7PxecBvqcgz/s320/9.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459115005029807570" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(What an outlaw! Stole the fingers right off his gloves.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7ja31-81FqPWBNgwVXivyYHUC4JEGtRtI9iz7h5SSFtRXrXl3h0eC4PM5aPiV34Nh85F8OJQhL02LtCvsiFG0sTuwBkwMPVrY8ZMQSv-JsBjIGxmm0G7AT_v2P86Srx2ps7PxecBvqcgz/s1600/9.jpg"></a><div><b>TUCK </b>- DEAD, BABY. At first, he shows up, all scruffy and peacemakery, and lets everyone stay at his abbey and dispenses sage advice to everyone. He seems all sensible, until he gets the bejeepers clawed out of him by the dragon. Then, on his deathbed, he tells them what they need to do to kill her. Oh, wait, no he doesn’t. He gives them some cryptic riddle bullshit. Sure, they work it out, and WAY too easily, mind, but it still doesn’t make sense that he wouldn’t just tell them, and that he’d hold off on this vital info until he was dying. It’s just stupid. Hey, remember when Zuko fought Jet?</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQCsVBDKRA0baXswvUTpdgH4QrXSqnRm0-1QXH72FcEfwhlivg6UlxGf52pAWo4MV98Cp4187lgBGCqoWPnsVzIj7AmOjHkgctOjPAcP7YxjJV8aBc5zesDfsQqiNLE2upU-SzVHBtI1HN/s1600/10.png"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQCsVBDKRA0baXswvUTpdgH4QrXSqnRm0-1QXH72FcEfwhlivg6UlxGf52pAWo4MV98Cp4187lgBGCqoWPnsVzIj7AmOjHkgctOjPAcP7YxjJV8aBc5zesDfsQqiNLE2upU-SzVHBtI1HN/s320/10.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459115001231035586" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(It was so cool.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQCsVBDKRA0baXswvUTpdgH4QrXSqnRm0-1QXH72FcEfwhlivg6UlxGf52pAWo4MV98Cp4187lgBGCqoWPnsVzIj7AmOjHkgctOjPAcP7YxjJV8aBc5zesDfsQqiNLE2upU-SzVHBtI1HN/s1600/10.png"></a><div><b>MUCH </b>-Not much by way of Much here, just some tagalong kid called Gareth. He never talks, because the Sheriff cut his tongue out. Yes, we really need that kind of gritty drama in a movie where Robin Hood uses fairy dust to fight a dragon. He helps them in the usual urchiny ways, and is generally forgotten about for most of the movie. </div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYtQ3E-UzYzCuSem7y8dawOGZVekmFPlTKpOx7p_Nnh3L8rQgg3GjKcBM2WfvpPbujeWUw4-gD_eVzhGZ7ZX4vztvXoZrHpw2aTUFjhJUpMOGxCfvnGjru-TRnwKtDLyVGTaGAyNfFSLeQ/s1600/11.png"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 176px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYtQ3E-UzYzCuSem7y8dawOGZVekmFPlTKpOx7p_Nnh3L8rQgg3GjKcBM2WfvpPbujeWUw4-gD_eVzhGZ7ZX4vztvXoZrHpw2aTUFjhJUpMOGxCfvnGjru-TRnwKtDLyVGTaGAyNfFSLeQ/s320/11.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459114781472440226" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(I like her little embroidered dragon. It's like some kind of medieval Lacoste.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYtQ3E-UzYzCuSem7y8dawOGZVekmFPlTKpOx7p_Nnh3L8rQgg3GjKcBM2WfvpPbujeWUw4-gD_eVzhGZ7ZX4vztvXoZrHpw2aTUFjhJUpMOGxCfvnGjru-TRnwKtDLyVGTaGAyNfFSLeQ/s1600/11.png"></a><div><b>MARIAN </b>- I feel like I should have more to say about her. Not just because she’s Marian, lord knows we’ve had plenty of boring Marians, it’s just that she’s on Smallville, and my powerful nerd hindbrain is telling me that I need to discuss it at length. But I’ve seen exactly one episode of Smalville since she joined the cast, and all this girl did was stay out of the way while the more interesting characters engaged in the main plot. Which is actually about what Marian does here. Hey, I did it! Also, she’s first seen, apart from the introductory flashback, doing some quarterstaff training. Guess how that gets used later? If you guessed “One fight with Robin, followed by a lot of getting captured and rescued by men,” you are sadly correct.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4hOnDd_858rRrzKiYwWFQw1-iMx_dvejgdGh3aXxQ9hHje-uKFJ5e2OB4obMH75E9owgZh2sPoJd1vurBqs89lpUFEUm_xp6UAru4uDYI_ieENGI9CE-DNt-ozNNdmYBmHlnEp-pNppEA/s1600/12.png"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 176px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4hOnDd_858rRrzKiYwWFQw1-iMx_dvejgdGh3aXxQ9hHje-uKFJ5e2OB4obMH75E9owgZh2sPoJd1vurBqs89lpUFEUm_xp6UAru4uDYI_ieENGI9CE-DNt-ozNNdmYBmHlnEp-pNppEA/s320/12.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459114772386412738" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(And with that tiny cut, he looks worse than the Phantom in the 2004 movie.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4hOnDd_858rRrzKiYwWFQw1-iMx_dvejgdGh3aXxQ9hHje-uKFJ5e2OB4obMH75E9owgZh2sPoJd1vurBqs89lpUFEUm_xp6UAru4uDYI_ieENGI9CE-DNt-ozNNdmYBmHlnEp-pNppEA/s1600/12.png"></a><div><b>SHERIFF </b>- I think I’ve already told you everything interesting about the guy. This isn’t to say he’s boring, he’s probably the funnest character in the movie. (Yeah, I said funnest.) This is because he’s played by B-movie superstar Julian Sands, who gives it the exact sort of hammy performance it deserves. My favorite Julian Sands movie is<i> The Phantom of the Opera</i>, where he plays the Phantom, who is not deformed, wears no mask, and has sex with rats. He gets into a variety of pervy situations with Christine, who is played by the director’s daughter. Then he is killed by a midget on a rocket powered skateboard. And that’s just the bare bones, the movie’s a lot weirder than that. My second favorite Julian Sands movie is <i>Boxing Helena</i>. I’m not even going to try to describe that one, just go read the Wikipedia article or something.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw3z4a3lZbv8xg1pGDW6uf7uCMZyK6R6ohX_g631PgEPaL_HfwkQR78Nw6YxPXQQsKIkNhWyK_QxctKZeS6ybz_hDrelLI6ohJw7vxC75VAcUiwvJ5Dx0wto8pgYGh93XT5UFPJLsbSZX5/s1600/13.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw3z4a3lZbv8xg1pGDW6uf7uCMZyK6R6ohX_g631PgEPaL_HfwkQR78Nw6YxPXQQsKIkNhWyK_QxctKZeS6ybz_hDrelLI6ohJw7vxC75VAcUiwvJ5Dx0wto8pgYGh93XT5UFPJLsbSZX5/s320/13.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459114769532327010" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Sometimes the gay jokes are too easy to make. Just pretend this is a Road warrior joke or something.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw3z4a3lZbv8xg1pGDW6uf7uCMZyK6R6ohX_g631PgEPaL_HfwkQR78Nw6YxPXQQsKIkNhWyK_QxctKZeS6ybz_hDrelLI6ohJw7vxC75VAcUiwvJ5Dx0wto8pgYGh93XT5UFPJLsbSZX5/s1600/13.jpg"></a><div><b>SIR GUY </b>- Oh, there’s a Sir Guy all right. And no one was more surprised to learn this than me. See, the first time around, I heard a reference to Malcolm being desperate to catch Robin, and context made it seem they were talking about the Captain of the Guards. Okay, so that’s Malcolm. And now everyone is talking about how Robin has a vendetta and a personal history with him and they’re the mortalest of mortal foes. And I’m all like “But why? There’s no reason for that.” Boy, I tells ya, if that guy was actually named Malcolm, this entry would be so funny. But it turns out Malcolm is the Sheriff, as I found out reading the IMDb cast list, which also let me know that this guy is a Sir Guy. And as I watched the second time, it was all insanely obvious, and they call him Sir Guy all the time, and I must have reeeeeeally not been paying attention the first time. He’s okay in a generic, scowly sort of way.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaxMMnf455EIx_kpUVCYxYV5YB-YNLoOpZ2NXlWG0jtCnyL3nKY1GAN3JW_o6Nyirmy4LhDTMwPjWenWCNbLCupxYIhBkZuTYFFJ7JtoS0TpJyEomjgBh8h4nLqn9XxgOVlidEXA3UBkYq/s1600/14.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 149px; height: 185px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaxMMnf455EIx_kpUVCYxYV5YB-YNLoOpZ2NXlWG0jtCnyL3nKY1GAN3JW_o6Nyirmy4LhDTMwPjWenWCNbLCupxYIhBkZuTYFFJ7JtoS0TpJyEomjgBh8h4nLqn9XxgOVlidEXA3UBkYq/s320/14.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459114765232081378" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Oh, and he's pimply and scabby, just like a real medieval king. Kudos, movie.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaxMMnf455EIx_kpUVCYxYV5YB-YNLoOpZ2NXlWG0jtCnyL3nKY1GAN3JW_o6Nyirmy4LhDTMwPjWenWCNbLCupxYIhBkZuTYFFJ7JtoS0TpJyEomjgBh8h4nLqn9XxgOVlidEXA3UBkYq/s1600/14.jpg"></a><div><b>THE MAN -</b> Prince John is in this, but he really doesn’t need to be. He’s in three scenes, but never does anything but raise taxes and be generally menacing until the very end. Sure, he’s trying to marry off Marian, but that’s nothing a messenger or the Sheriff couldn’t have handled. If you’re going to have royalty in a scene, there has to be something special about it, and nobody even seems really impressed with the guy. He is slightly redeemed in the final scene, where he hands out the customary rewards, rather than Richard doing it as per usual. Granted these rewards are more along the lines of “I’m not selling you to an Austrian,” and “I’m not killing you right now,” but he’s trying. </div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Ga0EZlTMyM9IYQ-Dm3H0Fu8XlznTzEaq2qYeMzEVap3vS2UE9uOcj4CpD-7XalAHulGGx0eRMKLKae-Hs7Wi12KIz3r2EZS9oHMX038Y-3JLQC_LKFYRVbSg66_EghHA9rnoEzH8lV4P/s1600/15.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 216px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Ga0EZlTMyM9IYQ-Dm3H0Fu8XlznTzEaq2qYeMzEVap3vS2UE9uOcj4CpD-7XalAHulGGx0eRMKLKae-Hs7Wi12KIz3r2EZS9oHMX038Y-3JLQC_LKFYRVbSg66_EghHA9rnoEzH8lV4P/s320/15.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459114762671056754" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Because even when John and Robin start as partners, <u>somebody's</u> fighting on a damn bridge.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Ga0EZlTMyM9IYQ-Dm3H0Fu8XlznTzEaq2qYeMzEVap3vS2UE9uOcj4CpD-7XalAHulGGx0eRMKLKae-Hs7Wi12KIz3r2EZS9oHMX038Y-3JLQC_LKFYRVbSg66_EghHA9rnoEzH8lV4P/s1600/15.jpg"></a><div><b>OTHER MERRY MEN - </b>None. The movie takes a very small-scale approach to the Merries, which I like. A lot of the logistical issues are easily solved by having the Merries consist of Robin Hood and Little John walkin’ through the forest, laughin’ back and forth at what the other’un has to say. Oh, and Gareth. Ooh-de-lally.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtav2JpLuJt_I8oS5xCDqh6W4ilNzrNCHyW7_NcIreNnTCMJ7MhzPPKtFXBRu9uTMmmMZHZcPC4H9oiomVpHGB3PsKeElJnLLt_eLZfRxNG5gMYUTzBpwMxllpzXGqu9_h9KeV7VZlna2c/s1600/16.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtav2JpLuJt_I8oS5xCDqh6W4ilNzrNCHyW7_NcIreNnTCMJ7MhzPPKtFXBRu9uTMmmMZHZcPC4H9oiomVpHGB3PsKeElJnLLt_eLZfRxNG5gMYUTzBpwMxllpzXGqu9_h9KeV7VZlna2c/s320/16.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459114582146534418" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(I'm going to have a hard time watching this and not imagining Rourke saying all of Ivan Drago's lines.)</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtav2JpLuJt_I8oS5xCDqh6W4ilNzrNCHyW7_NcIreNnTCMJ7MhzPPKtFXBRu9uTMmmMZHZcPC4H9oiomVpHGB3PsKeElJnLLt_eLZfRxNG5gMYUTzBpwMxllpzXGqu9_h9KeV7VZlna2c/s1600/16.jpg"></a></b><div><b>OTHER VILLAINS </b>- Sir not-Malcolm of Gisbourne has quite a few recurring thugs, but the only one that stands out is a fella I likes to call Whippy. Whippy uses whips as his only offensive weapons, which is sort of wildly impractical. They’re useful for keeping the dragon under control, or at least they were until the dragon grabbed them, dragged him forward and ate him. Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Why didn’t he just drop the whips?” Because they were tied to his arm, silly. My guess is the creators saw the Iron Man 2 trailer and thought Mickey Rourke looked totally cool. That’s my guess even though the Iron Man 2 trailer was released only a month before this came out, because I’d rather believe that this movie had a total of one month production time and contains blatant rip-offs than that they gave a guy such a ridiculous and stupid style just for a death scene.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-J_MZGilgVr4eer2cqdajUlLjURZJhAqjqzxJv_GWb2RNMFnhOBexATzNCoqAfyoauE0Y4oW0qkn48Oy4EB-8dZHPjXzkT_MCzJhYQarYgIa8ED2ZuAYbKuVpWbJSFpd39sbHZeVGmc51/s1600/17.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 181px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-J_MZGilgVr4eer2cqdajUlLjURZJhAqjqzxJv_GWb2RNMFnhOBexATzNCoqAfyoauE0Y4oW0qkn48Oy4EB-8dZHPjXzkT_MCzJhYQarYgIa8ED2ZuAYbKuVpWbJSFpd39sbHZeVGmc51/s320/17.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459114575594783874" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>("I've lived in Sherwood all my life, and never seen this..." Well, John, maybe you should look to your left once in a while.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-J_MZGilgVr4eer2cqdajUlLjURZJhAqjqzxJv_GWb2RNMFnhOBexATzNCoqAfyoauE0Y4oW0qkn48Oy4EB-8dZHPjXzkT_MCzJhYQarYgIa8ED2ZuAYbKuVpWbJSFpd39sbHZeVGmc51/s1600/17.jpg"></a><div><b>WORST LINE </b>- “When Alina was born, she was fine.” - The Lead Sylvan.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now, you may be wondering what’s so horrible about that. The thing is, every other line the fairies have is comprised of the stupidest, most stereotypical fantacrap you’ve ever heard. The line immediately before this one is “When she returned from her sojourn to the world beyond, her womb was flush with the seed of life.” And then all they can describe the baby as is ‘fine’? Good gravy, man, if you’re going to be crappy, at least be consistently crappy.</div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>WORST LINE RUNNER-UP </b>- “Where I come from, laws are made by men, not trees.” Robin Hood, setting ‘em straight.</div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>WORST DIALOGUE EXCHANGE - </b></div><div><br /></div><div>Marian - That’s a one in a million shot!</div><div>Robin - Fortunately for you, you happen to be imprisoned with a one in a million sort of fellow.</div><div><br /></div><div>NO NO NO! Damnit, Robin! If you’re going to make a snappy comeback, it has to be…. Well, snappy! Not long and stilted! Do it like this!</div><div><br /></div><div>Marian - That’s a one in a million shot!</div><div>Robin - Well, I’m a one in a million guy.</div><div><br /></div><div>I fully expect to see better quipping from you in the sequel, where you and a werewolf fight sea monsters or some shit.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><b>COMING UP NEXT - </b></span></div><div><br /></div></div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVgKFt9Npjfqs9B9JRQKEQGeVSFOVkr7UFHzPGg1htT2XMU8opxLXLy6GGYGukRLho63a2Hll21ZzHIPEkynttugnQ-anDpBmKwTlM6aio1DhOE0B0kwJB4eeIiBwZcy2PpWqkJq9dEK08/s1600/18.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVgKFt9Npjfqs9B9JRQKEQGeVSFOVkr7UFHzPGg1htT2XMU8opxLXLy6GGYGukRLho63a2Hll21ZzHIPEkynttugnQ-anDpBmKwTlM6aio1DhOE0B0kwJB4eeIiBwZcy2PpWqkJq9dEK08/s320/18.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459114570949979650" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxOjRAYJD67Ig1iVyXq_QtSZiw8htOvJBBfcNT6R4pkFgM7V8mm_CxbzMvKTdCA-_OfbsTTVqEDoF0fAyQUsr0rjem2e0NNZdyt-81ILm-dbeKDh7nUNS47JrCr3cQgK9SQjQ0gTYJzOVZ/s1600/19.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxOjRAYJD67Ig1iVyXq_QtSZiw8htOvJBBfcNT6R4pkFgM7V8mm_CxbzMvKTdCA-_OfbsTTVqEDoF0fAyQUsr0rjem2e0NNZdyt-81ILm-dbeKDh7nUNS47JrCr3cQgK9SQjQ0gTYJzOVZ/s320/19.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459114565269198418" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvAinbxGTae2TH7AG611IGbGY8InolFKo_y0Zr8GUz_eg84dWs91Amr-wMvmWJCvrafB9cbisg9AWV5WW6-wig2P_f1chrLOOzOqAEFl60UBLzHSbPML1WGWAyY-dl1NtOPpnBV5ZWfvj0/s1600/20.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvAinbxGTae2TH7AG611IGbGY8InolFKo_y0Zr8GUz_eg84dWs91Amr-wMvmWJCvrafB9cbisg9AWV5WW6-wig2P_f1chrLOOzOqAEFl60UBLzHSbPML1WGWAyY-dl1NtOPpnBV5ZWfvj0/s320/20.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459114563714146146" /></a><br /></div>Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-515494236333988225.post-51519969959196131942010-04-06T19:48:00.001-07:002010-04-07T05:38:05.907-07:00Under the Hood: Part 12 - The Story of Robin Hood and His Merrie Men<div><b>THE STORY OF ROBIN HOOD AND HIS MERRIE MEN (1952)</b></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMq8GzCSHUuhUk62puA7E0DnDwL7yZxPOnh283tWTpn3NrSZ8kyBoLDrgmRw5-Wlmx5mCbBLsgFAQUrlx0_Y-2m6_fGiR5tbIigVWdmVSf1i0iKQENRDBu5PVFrkvitUdSP6qlQjiNx2ri/s1600/1.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 234px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMq8GzCSHUuhUk62puA7E0DnDwL7yZxPOnh283tWTpn3NrSZ8kyBoLDrgmRw5-Wlmx5mCbBLsgFAQUrlx0_Y-2m6_fGiR5tbIigVWdmVSf1i0iKQENRDBu5PVFrkvitUdSP6qlQjiNx2ri/s320/1.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457223605967023026" /></a><div><br /></div><div><i>(Hat not appearing in this film)</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><div><b>PLOT - </b>After a mid-70s vintage Wonderful World of Disney intro, showcasing a few better movies, a lot of worse ones, and many many shots of people having aggressively manufactured fun at Disneyland, we start our movie proper. Whoa. An RKO Radio Picture. Retro. Well, here we are in the good old days, when a fundamentalist Christian head of state could invade the Middle East without everyone getting all sensitive about it. The Earl of Huntington is of to Crusade with the king, and his daughter Marian is staying with the queen. His estate is being looked after by his servant Hugh Fitz-Ooth, and Hugh’s son Robin, because poor people can‘t join the army. Or something. Once the king is safely out of the way, the Prince commences to plottin’ and tells his lackey the Sheriff to hold an archery contest, and ask all the kick-assest archers to join his army. Hugh wins impressively and denounces the sheriff even more impressively. On the way home, this happens.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOQI3o8WpHyGlx_PZVzFF5CB3a2Zd5oGzH6wbnOEkdbGTz55TQUyL6Rswc6c85TZtojQ7FwEZLbUBUC2Tnw2bKQ0i2nkk1qMHWxlOTfvf55PPD4oYYVTqkvNsBMM7CGFMTvAAn5Xr4jfQ6/s1600/6.JPG"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOQI3o8WpHyGlx_PZVzFF5CB3a2Zd5oGzH6wbnOEkdbGTz55TQUyL6Rswc6c85TZtojQ7FwEZLbUBUC2Tnw2bKQ0i2nkk1qMHWxlOTfvf55PPD4oYYVTqkvNsBMM7CGFMTvAAn5Xr4jfQ6/s320/6.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457223516276586034" style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px; " /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i><u>Robin </u>: Gee dad, do you think you should have upset that powerful asshole who works directly for the king’s brother, who is in charge right now?</i></div><div><i><u>Hugh </u>: I wouldn’t worry about it son. See, the sheriff HURK</i></div><div><i>(Hugh falls over with an arrow in his back)</i></div><div><br /></div><div>I’m paraphrasing, but only slightly. Anyway, Robin lives in the forest and collects a group of like-minded fellows, as per usual. At one point, they capture the Sheriff and ‘invite’ him to dinner at their camp, liberating him of much of his treasure as part of the ‘bill’. It’s so cute. Two years later - TWO?! - the king is kidnapped, and Marian gets word to the outlaws, who boldly pay the ransom using money stolen from the Prince. There’s some more plotting, Marian gets kidnapped, fight fight fight, and the King shows up at the end to tell Marian that she must leave the woods and marry the Earl of Loxley. And guess who just got that title? Oh, that King Richard I. What a jokester. </div></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMq8GzCSHUuhUk62puA7E0DnDwL7yZxPOnh283tWTpn3NrSZ8kyBoLDrgmRw5-Wlmx5mCbBLsgFAQUrlx0_Y-2m6_fGiR5tbIigVWdmVSf1i0iKQENRDBu5PVFrkvitUdSP6qlQjiNx2ri/s1600/1.jpg"></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxJUXfMgsUA7m46giWYFm7AYChjd3eLMjbVVULi601-WMY3NQVnE3aL2n4VIPEiVtgzmYys9FzeIsOefrZ2_VxP4n03d4zBYYSKw2JE0fkuzyat-8g3GAkQ2Gq3osIc6ka4XtcJ77tjju6/s1600/2.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxJUXfMgsUA7m46giWYFm7AYChjd3eLMjbVVULi601-WMY3NQVnE3aL2n4VIPEiVtgzmYys9FzeIsOefrZ2_VxP4n03d4zBYYSKw2JE0fkuzyat-8g3GAkQ2Gq3osIc6ka4XtcJ77tjju6/s320/2.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457223540950381762" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(It begins, as do all good Robin Hood movies, with a monorail)</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><div><b>GENERAL THOUGHTS - </b>I’m returning to my old style rather than separating the good, bad, and other, because in this movie, the good, bad, and other are all the same thing. See, this movie is extremely 1950s. Now, I know that’s not the kind of thing one expects to see referenced as a positive, but hear me out. The 50s were a time when you could have a guy living in the woods as a hunted man and still play it as fun, rather than anything serious. And fun it is, with Robin placing lots of emphasis on camaraderie and feasting and such. I’ve mentioned before having issues with why Robin gets so many people following him, but in the candy-colored world of this movie, he’s exactly the sort of guy you would follow. I’m not sorry we’ve lost this attitude, gosh knows entertainment is generally better these days, but it’s kind of fun to see a Robin Hood that’s free to just enjoy himself. </div></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxJUXfMgsUA7m46giWYFm7AYChjd3eLMjbVVULi601-WMY3NQVnE3aL2n4VIPEiVtgzmYys9FzeIsOefrZ2_VxP4n03d4zBYYSKw2JE0fkuzyat-8g3GAkQ2Gq3osIc6ka4XtcJ77tjju6/s1600/2.JPG"></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMtvm7Cq97alIwoK-0RO5C_N_S2M62Dux-ia3mFPnDQ7GL3FuBZvyZExmsbDK0TLxyWTwv3g17iaevEYHt-ZxzWlapUZEO0VamLY7rlotJ1mNfAZnxRvYLWpg6STrBsEpMmnhyphenhyphen7KdvTlqR/s1600/3.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMtvm7Cq97alIwoK-0RO5C_N_S2M62Dux-ia3mFPnDQ7GL3FuBZvyZExmsbDK0TLxyWTwv3g17iaevEYHt-ZxzWlapUZEO0VamLY7rlotJ1mNfAZnxRvYLWpg6STrBsEpMmnhyphenhyphen7KdvTlqR/s320/3.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457223532961844514" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Robin and Marian play hide and seek. On an unrelated note, who here's seen </i>The 10th Kingdom<i>?)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><div>Now as far as the actual filmmaking goes, I really like that they use aspects of the story that everyone knows, yet twist them around a bit so they're still unexpected. For example, rather than having the sheriff’s man hit the bull’s eye and Robin split his arrow, they have the sheriff’s man juuust barely miss the center, Robin hit it, and then Robin’s dad split his son’s arrow. (Which also solves the problem of how that makes Robin the winner, rather than resulting in a tie.) Or rather than have Robin make a really obvious “Here, let me blow my horn for no reason, Mr. Angry Tall Guy” move after losing to John on the bridge, he complains that his horn may be waterlogged, and blows into it to “clear it out”, thus sending his men rushing to his aid. There’s also a lot of fun innovative bits added. I particularly liked the use of color-coded arrows with whistles on the tips used by the Merries to send messages to each other. Oh, and that they angle their bows up when they fire, rather than just acting like an arrow’s just going to go straight like a bullet.</div><div><br /></div></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMtvm7Cq97alIwoK-0RO5C_N_S2M62Dux-ia3mFPnDQ7GL3FuBZvyZExmsbDK0TLxyWTwv3g17iaevEYHt-ZxzWlapUZEO0VamLY7rlotJ1mNfAZnxRvYLWpg6STrBsEpMmnhyphenhyphen7KdvTlqR/s1600/3.JPG"></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrcEvs0AWGHR-ZRaAmZ73JvHuu8W6k4DNM7Jiae6gU9_wNn_P9r9UgZQCnYxVbNtUCAqS6ordrdZBkw9LmQ6d1-nQ-5FoF4tSAyKlVVq-3k_1NE7R1OZJp_w96sss3ZPqsFCC01xZBR9od/s1600/4.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrcEvs0AWGHR-ZRaAmZ73JvHuu8W6k4DNM7Jiae6gU9_wNn_P9r9UgZQCnYxVbNtUCAqS6ordrdZBkw9LmQ6d1-nQ-5FoF4tSAyKlVVq-3k_1NE7R1OZJp_w96sss3ZPqsFCC01xZBR9od/s320/4.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457223521760313922" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(A member of the upper church hierarchy who's not evil? Fuckin' 50s.) </i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrcEvs0AWGHR-ZRaAmZ73JvHuu8W6k4DNM7Jiae6gU9_wNn_P9r9UgZQCnYxVbNtUCAqS6ordrdZBkw9LmQ6d1-nQ-5FoF4tSAyKlVVq-3k_1NE7R1OZJp_w96sss3ZPqsFCC01xZBR9od/s1600/4.JPG"></a><div>But for all that great stuff I mentioned, there’s a dark side. See, I mentioned that they take well-known bits and twist them, but they assume possibly way too much familiarity on the audience’s behalf with the story. There’s no mention of why he’s called Robin Hood rather than Robin Fitz-Ooth, there’s no mention of where Scarlet and the rest of the Merries come from, and every major plot action is so vague, I could only make sense of some of it by associating it to other Robin Hood stories I had read. I suppose in the 1950s, they were expecting young people to be more familiar with Robin Hood, but it still strikes me as bad storytelling. Also, while the performances are natural and charming, the production value is anything but. Costumes and sets range from cheap but acceptable to just plain painful. And lacking, one must assume, as skilled an archer as the one who was firing arrows into the armored stomachs of extras in 1939, most arrow shots consist of Robin firing his bow followed by a whip pan to the victim holding an arrow to his chest and grimacing. It’s really stupid. And there’s that two-year jump in the story after the sheriff leaves their camp. Even for this movie, that’s a bit mind boggling.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6mplvamdfIrr86Ym2zro2aa6lNcLG-mCTAc8WY1F04D-aWxRvmozK7OEUj4zHtpW9IOi6RTn8T8cxIhmGZxC5cbynK5OrVTC0JFv61iX5B1IRqc7_q0zP6FzcJjk9CIy9Gj07Wxyq2r3L/s1600/5.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6mplvamdfIrr86Ym2zro2aa6lNcLG-mCTAc8WY1F04D-aWxRvmozK7OEUj4zHtpW9IOi6RTn8T8cxIhmGZxC5cbynK5OrVTC0JFv61iX5B1IRqc7_q0zP6FzcJjk9CIy9Gj07Wxyq2r3L/s320/5.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457223519988092498" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6mplvamdfIrr86Ym2zro2aa6lNcLG-mCTAc8WY1F04D-aWxRvmozK7OEUj4zHtpW9IOi6RTn8T8cxIhmGZxC5cbynK5OrVTC0JFv61iX5B1IRqc7_q0zP6FzcJjk9CIy9Gj07Wxyq2r3L/s1600/5.JPG"></a><i>(See, this was made when people were supposed to </i>like<i> Crusaders.)</i><br /><br /></div><div><div>Look, what it comes down to is this. This is a huge slice of 1950s cheese. The opinions you have of it will be affected by whether the good outweighs the bad for you. The performances are winning, the dialogue is lacking, the plotting is horrible… There’s not much consistency here. Me, I found it to be a whole crazy bunch of fun. It was nice to watch a completely unserious version of the story. And I know this sounds weird, given that I’ve now spent a huge chunk of this review on relatively earnest analysis instead of jokes, but it was nice to give my brain a rest and enjoy the fun. This move made me feel more like the kid that read his Grandpa’s Robin Hood book over and over on the porch than any other I’ve seen so far, and that can’t be a bad thing. So, yeah, the 50s. Good, bad, and everything in between. Damn, this section was like an entry unto itself. Okay, back to the funny.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR2FvJKExSIIOZQkM9icxV5fFQcHcFWmNsmwpIHiyyyVSy-cbxAdZko5A0pmRZSsvPPXZruMHWViC93GuvFXbbzmubXd1TFfPSgSG4X-ayVeUpeMcojWZrCpTTD561xVc5fuENn4x75bRz/s1600/7.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 288px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR2FvJKExSIIOZQkM9icxV5fFQcHcFWmNsmwpIHiyyyVSy-cbxAdZko5A0pmRZSsvPPXZruMHWViC93GuvFXbbzmubXd1TFfPSgSG4X-ayVeUpeMcojWZrCpTTD561xVc5fuENn4x75bRz/s320/7.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457223345952854498" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Hast thou thy tickets... to the GUN SHOW? Quickly, fetch me some snake oil... FOR THESE PYTHONS ARE SICK.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR2FvJKExSIIOZQkM9icxV5fFQcHcFWmNsmwpIHiyyyVSy-cbxAdZko5A0pmRZSsvPPXZruMHWViC93GuvFXbbzmubXd1TFfPSgSG4X-ayVeUpeMcojWZrCpTTD561xVc5fuENn4x75bRz/s1600/7.jpg"></a><div><b>ROBIN -</b> Well, as has already been mentioned, this is a more fun-loving Robin Hood. I also like that his plans frequently involve publicly shaming the sheriff, rather than merely stealing from him. Robin doesn’t just help the poor, he empowers them by making their oppressor look like a fool. Again, this wouldn’t fly today. The BBC sheriff is occasionally made to look silly, but if the townsfolk laughed at him, he’d feed their children to his birds. But here in Disneyland, Robin is free to be whimsical. Richard Todd is a decent enough actor, more than enough for what this movie requires, and his romantic interests are believable. But he doesn’t wear a Robin Hood hat! I swear to crap, if this movie’s gonna go all über-50s on us, the least they could do is throw in an adventurer’s cap for the bossman.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7w8v8cyMTcJ19S9YsG0k8puan1_pKqpYZNAhuKSwsUBkQWBcBzmAPZ5sSRii3nU0-wVks92HanBn76hUD2IEC2veq0aektlcSVlLgntT8N9mJ4edrl7aWcyM0Ameh8mg_yb6zRlh9Mkmd/s1600/8.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 220px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7w8v8cyMTcJ19S9YsG0k8puan1_pKqpYZNAhuKSwsUBkQWBcBzmAPZ5sSRii3nU0-wVks92HanBn76hUD2IEC2veq0aektlcSVlLgntT8N9mJ4edrl7aWcyM0Ameh8mg_yb6zRlh9Mkmd/s320/8.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457223344073463778" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>("What is this? Do I eat it?")</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7w8v8cyMTcJ19S9YsG0k8puan1_pKqpYZNAhuKSwsUBkQWBcBzmAPZ5sSRii3nU0-wVks92HanBn76hUD2IEC2veq0aektlcSVlLgntT8N9mJ4edrl7aWcyM0Ameh8mg_yb6zRlh9Mkmd/s1600/8.JPG"></a><div><b>LITTLE JOHN -</b> This Nicol Williamson lookin’ mofo is pretty good, as standard Little Johns go. The bridge scene carried shades of The Outlawsof Sherwood in that they were clearly testing each other, except here they’re having fun and not being crabby. After he wins and joins the band, they “baptize” him by throwing him in the river, and he proceeds to happily fulfill the big jolly guy role. He's smart, too, which is nice. Other than that, there’s really nothing of note, save his fun fur hat, styling beard, and pre-fight warm-up. You know how when a movie wants to make a swordsman look impressive, they’ll have him flourish his sword all around before the fight? Well, this guy does that with a six-foot quarterstaff. And I don’t mean he does some cool staff moves to show off, I mean he holds it like a sword and swings it around. It’s so cool.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVjZ88lp5l-Dnm097v17TQQku-AD-pxfvHR8PAkrtx1IasLHRHK25lP7fvyQ4uqZGup3nrK4iXN2d9l2YisDM5FuCi4D4qoKM9X0X3WzE12dRAYtXyDampFfQIZwU1G3TeFu2N5galmjZ0/s1600/9.bmp"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 134px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVjZ88lp5l-Dnm097v17TQQku-AD-pxfvHR8PAkrtx1IasLHRHK25lP7fvyQ4uqZGup3nrK4iXN2d9l2YisDM5FuCi4D4qoKM9X0X3WzE12dRAYtXyDampFfQIZwU1G3TeFu2N5galmjZ0/s320/9.bmp" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457223339723581554" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Let's see, good Will joke... Journal of the Wills? Too obscure. Triumph of the Wills? Too Nazi. Bondage of the Wills? Noooo...)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVjZ88lp5l-Dnm097v17TQQku-AD-pxfvHR8PAkrtx1IasLHRHK25lP7fvyQ4uqZGup3nrK4iXN2d9l2YisDM5FuCi4D4qoKM9X0X3WzE12dRAYtXyDampFfQIZwU1G3TeFu2N5galmjZ0/s1600/9.bmp"></a><div><b>WILL SCARLET - </b>WOO! Threefer! Not only do we get a blandly portrayed Will whose costume promises a vastly more intriguing character than is delivered, we get two more Wills in the bargain! Scathelocke and Stutley both make last-name-only appearances, probably because some Disney staff writer didn’t realize they were all the same guy, and thought that 13th-century balladeers were just lazy at coming up with first names. Scarlet is Robin’s cousin, which I honestly did not hear mentioned until the fifth time I watched it. As for the ex-Wills, they’re used to represent two kinds of oppressed peasant, with Stutely caught poaching and Scathelocke (played by Sir Michael Hornden. Well, by regular Michael Hornden at the time.) arrested for non-payment of taxes. The scene that follows is… weird. Scathelocke goes into a pillory. Okay, sure. Stutely is… um… Well, he’s dressed like a deer and suspended in midair over a smoking brazier. Then… then the guards all ride around in a big circle, and hit him with sticks whenever they pass. What the hell? There’s a fun editing mistake where one of them tries to hit Scathelocke‘s back, and whacks him right in the teeth. He's fine afterwards, which I guess means those sticks don’t hurt as much as you‘d think. Sadly, the Gollum-like Stutely uses the beating as an excuse to not wear a shirt for the next few scenes. Eww.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNYZY96L7mQ_O17z45mG9bWBzG8Nlm6yz48TyR_URno8yDMMZ8FzAPOBoTvygp_ZoaV-ObFAnJVPYqDCdcMA1SgC19AmfJWBoDFnNAVblv4wIgQWFE7IoWrC2JYuiwjvvQe4cLHWuUk3ur/s1600/10.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 222px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNYZY96L7mQ_O17z45mG9bWBzG8Nlm6yz48TyR_URno8yDMMZ8FzAPOBoTvygp_ZoaV-ObFAnJVPYqDCdcMA1SgC19AmfJWBoDFnNAVblv4wIgQWFE7IoWrC2JYuiwjvvQe4cLHWuUk3ur/s320/10.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457223331378669890" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(I simply must goooooo...)</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNYZY96L7mQ_O17z45mG9bWBzG8Nlm6yz48TyR_URno8yDMMZ8FzAPOBoTvygp_ZoaV-ObFAnJVPYqDCdcMA1SgC19AmfJWBoDFnNAVblv4wIgQWFE7IoWrC2JYuiwjvvQe4cLHWuUk3ur/s1600/10.JPG"></a></b><div><b>TUCK - </b>Why, I remember at the Ren Fair <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MXmnhtshxA">the scene where Friar Tuck has a little conversation with himself</a>, playing the role of friendly-inkeeper type and polite stranger, convincing himself to eat and drink. That was good stuff. The same scene is played out here, only when Tuck’s turning down the drink, he does a flirty girl voice, and when offering it, he does a seductive man voice. It’s like some weird medieval version of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”. He’s an acceptable enough Tuck, the usual sort of kind reassurance and a bit of wink-wink-nudge-nudge to Robin and Marian. What throws me is his look. His robe is an off-putting light grayish tan, and he’s clearly got a few pillows stuffed down the front for that Tuckian physique. Also, he’s got that weird sort of neck beard I let myself grow over the summer. Wow, this entry has given up on any pretense of being read by people who don’t know me personally. (Speaking of which, please note that at 4:47 in the scene I linked to, Robin calls Tuck a “lusty infant”. I am proud to say that was a reference to my writing, and I didn’t even know about it until I saw the scene. It‘s a great feeling for a writer to be referenced. Gives us a tingle.) </div><div><br /></div><div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Z3g9H3nRRzRFCL0utLv_q_mluwL9tXyRSyDRw_onWlZ23EfRHvja10qfXystGBVboSP33h-si7F-SpbKZaJCHXz_3tHunuJLeGrHnbyOuyiQcHr6kJDHqRrCEAVywDlfeUXSvrefX5xE/s1600/12.JPG"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Z3g9H3nRRzRFCL0utLv_q_mluwL9tXyRSyDRw_onWlZ23EfRHvja10qfXystGBVboSP33h-si7F-SpbKZaJCHXz_3tHunuJLeGrHnbyOuyiQcHr6kJDHqRrCEAVywDlfeUXSvrefX5xE/s320/12.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457223149881628690" style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px; " /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Robin Hood versus the hideous troll-beast.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Z3g9H3nRRzRFCL0utLv_q_mluwL9tXyRSyDRw_onWlZ23EfRHvja10qfXystGBVboSP33h-si7F-SpbKZaJCHXz_3tHunuJLeGrHnbyOuyiQcHr6kJDHqRrCEAVywDlfeUXSvrefX5xE/s1600/12.JPG"></a><div><b>MUCH - </b>Speaking of name variants, we finally get one here. Midge the Miller is actually sort of a fun character. He’s not one of the Merries or even a likely applicant when he first appears. He’s just some absolutely hideous middle-aged miller with a body like Don Knotts and a face like the south end of a baboon heading north. He’s a sneaky miser who tries to transport his gold through the forest in a sack of flour, and when the fellas catch wise, he throws the flour in their face and kicks some pretty serious ass. Sure, he loses in the end, but it was like four on one, and he did good. Later on, he’s bumming around the camp and sees the light, voluntarily donating his coinage to the cause. (When the fellas catch wise? What am I, Edward G Robinson?)</div><div><br /></div></div></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0ojHDTZwqoYjvMQv8hIHUJKm3kce_2AvKyCyqJG-AzKaZAF1aIHVuc3eaTk2QUbyDOz0kbul8xt7htvjdORx6FdubxLisUAsCrR_FZ1yPJ_Iphj3mBuqAo3vVItgye5jIWutr5Rw_VMmO/s1600/11.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0ojHDTZwqoYjvMQv8hIHUJKm3kce_2AvKyCyqJG-AzKaZAF1aIHVuc3eaTk2QUbyDOz0kbul8xt7htvjdORx6FdubxLisUAsCrR_FZ1yPJ_Iphj3mBuqAo3vVItgye5jIWutr5Rw_VMmO/s320/11.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457223321492197938" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(You may leave now, Lady Buzzkill.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0ojHDTZwqoYjvMQv8hIHUJKm3kce_2AvKyCyqJG-AzKaZAF1aIHVuc3eaTk2QUbyDOz0kbul8xt7htvjdORx6FdubxLisUAsCrR_FZ1yPJ_Iphj3mBuqAo3vVItgye5jIWutr5Rw_VMmO/s1600/11.JPG"></a><div><b>MARIAN - </b>Absolutely fantastic Marian here. Too often it seems that the only two options for portraying Marian are to make her a stereotyped damsel in distress or a butt-kicking action girl. Or worse yet, they act like she’s a butt-kicking action girl, but just have her get captured all the time anyway. (coughPrinceofThievescough) In this movie, Marian engages in ladies’ pursuits, wears pretty dresses, and gets captured, but she still manages to be remarkably proactive. She sneaks away to meet the outlaws, and is the one who presents their money to queen Eleanor toward the end, thus clearing their name and increasing their public image. Moreover, her relationship with Robin is wonderfully playful. Her introductory scene has her intentionally messing up his archery practice by jostling the target, then making him describe his ideal woman, clearly meaning her. He describes someone tall, blonde, and blue-eyed, and when he mentions sweet-tempered, she kicks him in the shin. It’s hard to describe without sounding cutesy, but basically this is one of the versions where I see Robin and Marian getting together because they like each other, not because plot demands it. Plus, she looks just adorable in her Merrie Men outfit.</div><div><br /></div></div><div><br /></div><div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz4Q_oX8sOCv0t1KiwYw6JyghsrOGBIsOKfqsoakCxd8HjL_YCNni6dBAWyYY-mQZml4QJnK0oeKS8M8CEFj5FgEQwcmC4bvUbn84b2yWCQSbkV4qUgKT_AyJoANwBVMPGpc7S1FVlFL0L/s1600/14.JPG"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz4Q_oX8sOCv0t1KiwYw6JyghsrOGBIsOKfqsoakCxd8HjL_YCNni6dBAWyYY-mQZml4QJnK0oeKS8M8CEFj5FgEQwcmC4bvUbn84b2yWCQSbkV4qUgKT_AyJoANwBVMPGpc7S1FVlFL0L/s320/14.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457223141048732386" style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px; " /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(See? Told you.)</i></div><div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>SIR GUY -</b> No Guy here. Actually, the John/Sheriff relationship here is a lot like the Sheriff/Guy relationship in later adaptations. John seems overly concerned with this relatively small area of England, and the plot would be a bit smoother if he was a local lord instead of the Prince Regent. Ooh, look I actually complained about something. Let’s go into some more detail, shall we?</div><div><br /></div></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTmHmRfqhG7pvCh8Axdp55nzmiMKaL0AI9T6bdJ4GpVUquMLpyMcr06vjCAXxySGjqVJ2uvt_D2hc81Ksyag5ILDq4PzF7Nl7foylZR4hXgEYG2iLaOvGDmIhRl0Hqk8pu40gjRhA8tCvX/s1600/13.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTmHmRfqhG7pvCh8Axdp55nzmiMKaL0AI9T6bdJ4GpVUquMLpyMcr06vjCAXxySGjqVJ2uvt_D2hc81Ksyag5ILDq4PzF7Nl7foylZR4hXgEYG2iLaOvGDmIhRl0Hqk8pu40gjRhA8tCvX/s320/13.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457223145338072770" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">I need not tell thee things are bad. Everybody knowest things are bad. 'Tis a depression. I be enraged as the very flames of perdition, and I shall take it no longer!</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">)</span></span></span></i></div><div><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-style: normal; line-height: 19px; font-family:sans-serif;font-size:13px;"><br /></span></i></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTmHmRfqhG7pvCh8Axdp55nzmiMKaL0AI9T6bdJ4GpVUquMLpyMcr06vjCAXxySGjqVJ2uvt_D2hc81Ksyag5ILDq4PzF7Nl7foylZR4hXgEYG2iLaOvGDmIhRl0Hqk8pu40gjRhA8tCvX/s1600/13.JPG"></a><div><b>SHERIFF </b>- When the Sheriff was introduced, I found myself quite surprised. He was a dignified looking older gentleman, who seemed to genuinely be a force for law and order. Why, he’s even offering to go along with the king to the… Crusade… Ohhhh, now I get it. John is given the job of finding the replacement, and chooses him offscreen. I’m not sure how he was selected, but I’d guess Evil Beard Contest. Anyway, he has little to do here but order the guards around and bluster impotently. And the guards are interchangeably described as soldiers and foresters. Same thing, right? He is played by Peter Finch, who is one of two actors ever who are so awesome, they won an Oscar after they died.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm6OfcHwhCvHaMlvcGeMZ7RfW6GO9MdXhrxAOMFkaKjCV1DzNgBWMmJuq9ffl4gwmVuWX1SiaiGi_QbJbDXRCgCqRA4bWSbOP0bOxPn4vFJ8cecc-BpR-2sEa6__09KRA3kak2kd3ncktq/s1600/15.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm6OfcHwhCvHaMlvcGeMZ7RfW6GO9MdXhrxAOMFkaKjCV1DzNgBWMmJuq9ffl4gwmVuWX1SiaiGi_QbJbDXRCgCqRA4bWSbOP0bOxPn4vFJ8cecc-BpR-2sEa6__09KRA3kak2kd3ncktq/s320/15.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457223135822130866" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Hair by Conan O'Brien)</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm6OfcHwhCvHaMlvcGeMZ7RfW6GO9MdXhrxAOMFkaKjCV1DzNgBWMmJuq9ffl4gwmVuWX1SiaiGi_QbJbDXRCgCqRA4bWSbOP0bOxPn4vFJ8cecc-BpR-2sEa6__09KRA3kak2kd3ncktq/s1600/15.JPG"></a><div><b>THE MAN -</b> Well, as I said, John is far too concerned with Nottingham, and the Sheriff is pretty much just the head of the guards, but putting that aside, how is he? Not too bad. In his introductory scene, he’s seeing off the King, and he’s all like “Oh, DARN, I really wish I could go with you seriously totally. Okay! Well, bye, don’t hurry back, I’ll keep your throne warm.” He then immediately commences to scheming on how to bilk poor peasants in one region. As for the king, he leaves at the beginning and shows up at the end, as per usual. I’m beginning to really hate it when the king shows up at the end. It’s one thing if he shows up <i>near </i>the end and helps out, but when he just turns up to throw out some titles and end the movie, it seems cheap.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2wzOBqUewgCTlIFiPcD0ytDzUxoXnB5GLn4dSW4bSUVcSXN8nlrsDcYvZ7daaD6O5FLukSPZmYMddxXgWhtrNYLnoj5Dr7oMkLaBWg5M7c1vXvbTxv9D8wsyw0jC2yPD3aeFl0Fc9yBah/s1600/16.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2wzOBqUewgCTlIFiPcD0ytDzUxoXnB5GLn4dSW4bSUVcSXN8nlrsDcYvZ7daaD6O5FLukSPZmYMddxXgWhtrNYLnoj5Dr7oMkLaBWg5M7c1vXvbTxv9D8wsyw0jC2yPD3aeFl0Fc9yBah/s320/16.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457223134500689458" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>("John, what are you doing back there?" "Um... scheming.")</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2wzOBqUewgCTlIFiPcD0ytDzUxoXnB5GLn4dSW4bSUVcSXN8nlrsDcYvZ7daaD6O5FLukSPZmYMddxXgWhtrNYLnoj5Dr7oMkLaBWg5M7c1vXvbTxv9D8wsyw0jC2yPD3aeFl0Fc9yBah/s1600/16.JPG"></a><div>Queen Eleanor also takes a major role in this, which I like. I haven’t reviewed much with Eleanor in it, but whenever she shows up she tends to be portrayed as Her Royal Sassiness. This is probably in line with history, seeing as Eleanor, not John, was actually Richard’s regent during the Crusade. That must have been an awkward family meeting. “John, your big brother Richard is going on a crusade.” “Yes! I get to be Prince Regent!” “About that. I know you’re next in line for the throne, but I’ve been missing the queening, so I figured I’d just step in and take over.” “No fair! You already got to rule the country!” “My decision is made, John! You‘ll just have to wait until Richard dies, and in the meantime, you can make some ineffective attempts to overthrow my underlings.” “Fine! I’ll do that! And then I’ll be king, and when I am, I’ll fight with cousin Arthur, and lose Normandy, and get excommunicated, and have terrible relations with the barons until they all but force me to sign the Magna Carta, thereby laying the groundwork for constitutional law in Europe!” “That’s nice dear. Maybe in 400 years, they’ll retcon you into an existing legend as a villain.”</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUUcYHyXfMWa9tP3aItZhtUSQvGcPdlo3lLqvVXibsBcK7t1cOAiFVV2A4qzn0_6rgarldXVhGs0uFdabhoXDGgG9pwzWRP6i7aBpdkDZIuGyJkjRHZ1gBOEHkiRS5GAgy0p3vPCA30IKA/s1600/17.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 229px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUUcYHyXfMWa9tP3aItZhtUSQvGcPdlo3lLqvVXibsBcK7t1cOAiFVV2A4qzn0_6rgarldXVhGs0uFdabhoXDGgG9pwzWRP6i7aBpdkDZIuGyJkjRHZ1gBOEHkiRS5GAgy0p3vPCA30IKA/s320/17.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457222959937792690" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(I swear, if one more of you assholes yells "Freebird"...)</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUUcYHyXfMWa9tP3aItZhtUSQvGcPdlo3lLqvVXibsBcK7t1cOAiFVV2A4qzn0_6rgarldXVhGs0uFdabhoXDGgG9pwzWRP6i7aBpdkDZIuGyJkjRHZ1gBOEHkiRS5GAgy0p3vPCA30IKA/s1600/17.JPG"></a></b><div><b>OTHER MERRY MEN -</b> Alan A’Dale shows up, and I actually quite like him. He narrates the film, but of course, so we have to put up with his balladeering ways every so often. The neat hook is that he’s not narrating from the future and singing a prepared song, but rather going around during the story making up ballads about Robin’s latest exploits while begging for coins. So it’s a combination of retelling stuff we’ve seen and revealing stuff we haven’t, while and at the same time showing Robin’s growth as a folk hero and having Alan seem like an actual minstrel and not just an outlaw with a mandolin. It’s kind of like the news reports in Starship Troopers, showing us the progress of the war and how it’s perceived. Just with less Nazi Howser and more hey-nonny-nonnys. Alan has a dog, too, which I don’t really get, but whatever. </div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCw2VfGrUNGEOkb07iXuHhJTMik7aqzVuZu3JxMm8u_f8fNAHJZe3-YM9xjCybmcTFoG0VcrrQVPH_pW4Z8qs_gj7E1rPtsNtyhsGO9cZspDGsKOgoSvepN6z-IP8NikrTad6sS-xLAmGd/s1600/18.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCw2VfGrUNGEOkb07iXuHhJTMik7aqzVuZu3JxMm8u_f8fNAHJZe3-YM9xjCybmcTFoG0VcrrQVPH_pW4Z8qs_gj7E1rPtsNtyhsGO9cZspDGsKOgoSvepN6z-IP8NikrTad6sS-xLAmGd/s320/18.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457222955175274530" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(This random guy takes down the Sheriff like three times in group fights. Must be the director's cousin or something.)</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCw2VfGrUNGEOkb07iXuHhJTMik7aqzVuZu3JxMm8u_f8fNAHJZe3-YM9xjCybmcTFoG0VcrrQVPH_pW4Z8qs_gj7E1rPtsNtyhsGO9cZspDGsKOgoSvepN6z-IP8NikrTad6sS-xLAmGd/s1600/18.JPG"></a></b><div><b>OTHER VILLAINS -</b> None spring to mind. According to online sources, one of the sheriff’s thugs got a name. Red Gill. I didn’t say it was a good name. Red is played by Archie Duncan, shortly to achieve fame as TV’s Little John. Good for him. I guess I can throw in the Archbishop. He doesn’t do anything evil, but since the upper echelons of priesthood tend toward the evil in these things, I’ll count him here. Just so Red won’t be lonely.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpJtZrLyYVbqFrAAOC3x9mlKcFhGxgJSwoHcN4sanixwMD4CtLmZLg7UM3_rAD2fqyx3_MWbx8mwMZclFkPZYsUervc9CnVrUvIkFWFOVbkUgT7AL50vIO70FV6c9FYnqeTppbA0xu65rV/s1600/19.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpJtZrLyYVbqFrAAOC3x9mlKcFhGxgJSwoHcN4sanixwMD4CtLmZLg7UM3_rAD2fqyx3_MWbx8mwMZclFkPZYsUervc9CnVrUvIkFWFOVbkUgT7AL50vIO70FV6c9FYnqeTppbA0xu65rV/s320/19.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457222951279991186" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>The original Sheriff and his <b><u>EYEBROWS</u></b>.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>BEST LINE - </b>Will : Are you of a mind to join us? You’ll eat fresh meat every day, sleep soft, and have money in your poke!</div><div>Robin : Ah - Provided you kill your own food, make your own bed, steal your own wages, and give them to the poor.</div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>WORST LINE -</b> There‘s a lot of silly ‘50s lines in this, which sometimes provoke eye rolls, and sometimes giggles and hand clapping, but the line that most stood out on my viewings was “We’ll split Prince John from nottle to nock!” Look Alan, I know you’re a minstrel, and people expect your suggestions to be a bit whimsical, but that just sounds silly. But as it is my custom to fix these ridiculous lines, allow me to suggest a different one…</div></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpJtZrLyYVbqFrAAOC3x9mlKcFhGxgJSwoHcN4sanixwMD4CtLmZLg7UM3_rAD2fqyx3_MWbx8mwMZclFkPZYsUervc9CnVrUvIkFWFOVbkUgT7AL50vIO70FV6c9FYnqeTppbA0xu65rV/s1600/19.JPG"></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUirm1GED2a3vT1TYjoeq-Sx5xqjaku2YomFQIB01LUcCd8rBe8kUHUjAf1Kq7cykF2PzQ2Mb49RgIQz2uA7-XMOnZEi0eU5R913SbHexjSitvxxlPS8RBd5vO6k8o30Wxiw2u61L3uPjh/s1600/20.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUirm1GED2a3vT1TYjoeq-Sx5xqjaku2YomFQIB01LUcCd8rBe8kUHUjAf1Kq7cykF2PzQ2Mb49RgIQz2uA7-XMOnZEi0eU5R913SbHexjSitvxxlPS8RBd5vO6k8o30Wxiw2u61L3uPjh/s320/20.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457222948086520642" /></a></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUirm1GED2a3vT1TYjoeq-Sx5xqjaku2YomFQIB01LUcCd8rBe8kUHUjAf1Kq7cykF2PzQ2Mb49RgIQz2uA7-XMOnZEi0eU5R913SbHexjSitvxxlPS8RBd5vO6k8o30Wxiw2u61L3uPjh/s1600/20.JPG"></a></b><div><b>COMING UP NEXT -</b> Soooo… Dom DeLuise’s son directed a SyFy channel movie where Robin Hood fights a dragon. It’s full of Canadian actors and shitty CGI and also there’s some fairies in it. Ah, sometimes, the world sends me beautiful gifts.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbSyUqRN5RWsmQ-Csw5kqa9DPwl3AF_5fRtgjnnfiWopolvEoMFYqhhxNtl_EDEJZnyNPdn7TZWI-Tw-nz2cy5SsWR9ksBAuXCnRx6QzE0ulyGI3IW_bC9J0OFopa1kA3q5pl2CadrNDaO/s1600/21.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbSyUqRN5RWsmQ-Csw5kqa9DPwl3AF_5fRtgjnnfiWopolvEoMFYqhhxNtl_EDEJZnyNPdn7TZWI-Tw-nz2cy5SsWR9ksBAuXCnRx6QzE0ulyGI3IW_bC9J0OFopa1kA3q5pl2CadrNDaO/s320/21.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457222938077559362" /></a><br /><br /></div><div><i>(Take that thing off, Jerry, you look like a dumbass.)</i></div>Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-515494236333988225.post-29212961884780408592010-01-31T19:35:00.001-08:002010-02-04T06:16:03.481-08:00Under the Hood: Part 11 - Hood<div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdVJms7X1l5k0SV6aRxOBcRzhQkmvDno4pgSIIM_P2pML8oKVkAcjCZTcVXsVL-7jAob0h4MaWuECxv0Np4HZYakaBUQ4dcNpQzuuDVlZLDDRypvz5mTh0LUyaKFt-fKcShDPXB07gDuKc/s1600-h/1.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 213px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdVJms7X1l5k0SV6aRxOBcRzhQkmvDno4pgSIIM_P2pML8oKVkAcjCZTcVXsVL-7jAob0h4MaWuECxv0Np4HZYakaBUQ4dcNpQzuuDVlZLDDRypvz5mTh0LUyaKFt-fKcShDPXB07gDuKc/s320/1.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433114232526129762" /></a><div><b><br /></b></div><div><div><b>PLOT </b>- In the year 108X… Well, the Normans have just now invaded Wales, and a young Welsh prince is not having such a good time. His dad was slaughtered, his lands taken, and when he goes to Lhundien (London) to see wot’s all this then, he is told he has to pay a stupid huge “administration fee” to get the land back. Now, with the help of his dad’s greatest warrior, a Norman priest, and a load of even scummier than usual peasants, he must return to his home to get the money to buy his land back. CAN YOU FEEL THE THRILLZ? When he does, he is informed that there’s a late fee, because England is run by librarians. Which is good, because the thrilling tale of a headstrong young prince filling out form 32-B for Return of Homelands (Ancestral) is not exactly gripping drama. When he returns home again, the guy currently squatting in his digs decides he quite enjoys the boiled sheep and constant harp music and elects to keep the place by killing the rightful ruler. So he hides in the woods, makes a bow, and decides to earn the money to buy beck his lands the cool person way: Steal it from the assholes who took the land in the first place. He rejoins with his friends, makes some clever plans, gets a giant bird costume, the usual Robin Hood stuff. Oh, yeah, you heard me. He wears a giant bird costume. And not for just one mission or something. All. The. Time.</div><div><br /></div></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdVJms7X1l5k0SV6aRxOBcRzhQkmvDno4pgSIIM_P2pML8oKVkAcjCZTcVXsVL-7jAob0h4MaWuECxv0Np4HZYakaBUQ4dcNpQzuuDVlZLDDRypvz5mTh0LUyaKFt-fKcShDPXB07gDuKc/s1600-h/1.jpg"></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC-PwC3zIgSAdtKh_LRlx9WoKRBhDQKyhoSf4P0C6gynXERKBzaZG94AwlaUtVU_n9fypZ-W_bfRqmSwnnr6EJbjs-roDjx4742Fb6A95EGx_Wd2qv6RrBKzEPk5Yn1POxyvs2XqOPjc6v/s1600-h/2.png"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 225px; height: 169px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC-PwC3zIgSAdtKh_LRlx9WoKRBhDQKyhoSf4P0C6gynXERKBzaZG94AwlaUtVU_n9fypZ-W_bfRqmSwnnr6EJbjs-roDjx4742Fb6A95EGx_Wd2qv6RrBKzEPk5Yn1POxyvs2XqOPjc6v/s320/2.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433114227452347234" /></a><div><br /></div><div><i>(Inasmuch as this is a book and leaves me no photos, most images in this review shall be of famous Welsh persons and aspects of Welsh culture, such as it is.)</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC-PwC3zIgSAdtKh_LRlx9WoKRBhDQKyhoSf4P0C6gynXERKBzaZG94AwlaUtVU_n9fypZ-W_bfRqmSwnnr6EJbjs-roDjx4742Fb6A95EGx_Wd2qv6RrBKzEPk5Yn1POxyvs2XqOPjc6v/s1600-h/2.png"></a></b><div><b>THE GOOD : </b>Setting the book at this time and place brings the Norman/Briton conflict to a real head that’s often lost in the adaptations that take place 200 years down the line. The author does have a way with words, and during many of the descriptive bits, you really feel transported to the time and place. His dialogue sounds suitably antique, but not so much so that it’s stiff or dull. And the book is just full of historical tidbits about politics or everyday life that don’t slow down the plot. And the idea of him buying back his land may sound lame, but it’s a nice twist on some of the old stories where he was stealing to ransom King Richard from the Bavarians. All these aspects combine to make this book an extremely satisfying read is what I would be telling you if the author could pull his head out of his ass.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg329W2XrFe_RlTjANnNRJwGXnKepyqhvGQQjJiymZARVR3JB5-FCFLitR6NwTAdYEiAqVljctonL7CMNmQ7__T5Cc63kuiw4Me1lMGGAk8sr1_7RxRzAQD4BcZCYdgBUCXCWFCq_SCX7tq/s1600-h/3.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 256px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg329W2XrFe_RlTjANnNRJwGXnKepyqhvGQQjJiymZARVR3JB5-FCFLitR6NwTAdYEiAqVljctonL7CMNmQ7__T5Cc63kuiw4Me1lMGGAk8sr1_7RxRzAQD4BcZCYdgBUCXCWFCq_SCX7tq/s320/3.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433114226250266178" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Little known fact: The Welsh love to eat gold.)</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg329W2XrFe_RlTjANnNRJwGXnKepyqhvGQQjJiymZARVR3JB5-FCFLitR6NwTAdYEiAqVljctonL7CMNmQ7__T5Cc63kuiw4Me1lMGGAk8sr1_7RxRzAQD4BcZCYdgBUCXCWFCq_SCX7tq/s1600-h/3.jpg"></a></b><div><b>THE BAD :</b> As you may have guessed, astute literary tone detector that you are, the author’s head spends a lot of time wedged up his ass. He just can’t help finding himself fascinating, and as a result, the book has a tendency to sprawl all over the place and grind to a halt every couple chapters as we learn another fascinating historical tidbit that is not worked naturally into the story at all. It’s enough that we know Bran made a bow, we don’t need to know how he seasoned the wood. It’s enough that we know De Braose built a castle, we don’t need to know how he sealed the cracks between stones. And his tendency to try and make his noble’s dialogue as show-offy as possible led to not only the worst sentence in the book, but the worst sentence I’ve ever read in any novel ever. This will be discussed at length later.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCJLux1jHpvHUqNzIrOeBkKxmt6OE_2Yiv5yXGC1tj7tUjuWrzYv3xy5k5KG1O8pbtfxQHPtY38lhRvrtKuaWF3PSUPHyUckaB_YvANrFA70T9jdzjJWVhnKKoOl_eGbQv2XPDxma9L8cz/s1600-h/4.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 298px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCJLux1jHpvHUqNzIrOeBkKxmt6OE_2Yiv5yXGC1tj7tUjuWrzYv3xy5k5KG1O8pbtfxQHPtY38lhRvrtKuaWF3PSUPHyUckaB_YvANrFA70T9jdzjJWVhnKKoOl_eGbQv2XPDxma9L8cz/s320/4.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433114054969598594" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(This book is about </i>a <i>prince of Wales, not </i>the<i> Prince of Wales. Thankfully.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCJLux1jHpvHUqNzIrOeBkKxmt6OE_2Yiv5yXGC1tj7tUjuWrzYv3xy5k5KG1O8pbtfxQHPtY38lhRvrtKuaWF3PSUPHyUckaB_YvANrFA70T9jdzjJWVhnKKoOl_eGbQv2XPDxma9L8cz/s1600-h/4.jpg"></a><div><b>THE OTHERWISE WORTHY OF MENTION : </b>I tried reading this one in the old-school ink and paper and glue and cardboard edition, but it was tough going, so I went for an audiobook instead. This job gets easier when I can do it while driving, but it's difficult to the point of impossible to go back and check things, so I wound up pretty much reading the book anyway when I skimmed it to make notes. I've found the author, Stephen Lawhead, referred to in multiple places online as a "Christian novelist", but there was none of that on display here, despite all the priests. Which is good. Seeing Robin Hood thank Jesus every time he successfully steals something would be weird, to say the least. Though not as weird as that movie where Santa Claus prays before his flight.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyUvWbTed3fn7xpIK_FzR1GflmWqx3aQhmggx2Zr5RwZHpeLc0d7w_GJ4JuHJL3hr9wHQWClS3r6suJfzTZ7GxCZGEOVRksPMAD7UIqCt54ejooeBY4ITHahjM64GCje_RHvavxf1ddBmq/s1600-h/4.5.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 177px; height: 177px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyUvWbTed3fn7xpIK_FzR1GflmWqx3aQhmggx2Zr5RwZHpeLc0d7w_GJ4JuHJL3hr9wHQWClS3r6suJfzTZ7GxCZGEOVRksPMAD7UIqCt54ejooeBY4ITHahjM64GCje_RHvavxf1ddBmq/s320/4.5.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433114054037313138" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Adam Verner indicates his nipple.)</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><div><b>AUDIO BOOK NARRATOR ADAM VERNER : </b>He’s okay. He certainly has a good grasp on the actual narrative parts of the narrative, and his descriptions are interesting to listen to. He manages to hold the listener’s attention pretty well, even during the long, boring parts. He’s American, and doesn’t try for accents, but his character division is still good. The only thing is… I do own a copy of the actual ink and paper and cardboard and glue edition of the book, and therefore I know there is a Welsh pronunciation guide at the end. Maybe the guy could have looked at it? He makes a good guess at everything, and it’s not so noticeable that I’d still know if I hadn’t read it. But still, it’s a little annoying when he gets nearly every one of the countless Welsh words wrong. And he pronounces Brychan differently for Rhi (King) Brychan and Bran ap (son of) Brychan.</div><div><br /></div></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyUvWbTed3fn7xpIK_FzR1GflmWqx3aQhmggx2Zr5RwZHpeLc0d7w_GJ4JuHJL3hr9wHQWClS3r6suJfzTZ7GxCZGEOVRksPMAD7UIqCt54ejooeBY4ITHahjM64GCje_RHvavxf1ddBmq/s1600-h/4.5.jpg"></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiaUyaKU40283bdWQPG9-hzz5jBa_OXUKWAeClqyrVflyaC2xmsCf3sK56KLuYMa4q-JmLvHzYuPw5YVvIKOhkaci4AWoiFwu7dXpoVkBQDT4k7RgsDacTZvt32a2DemnqIJKwOib3AVy5/s1600-h/5.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 246px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiaUyaKU40283bdWQPG9-hzz5jBa_OXUKWAeClqyrVflyaC2xmsCf3sK56KLuYMa4q-JmLvHzYuPw5YVvIKOhkaci4AWoiFwu7dXpoVkBQDT4k7RgsDacTZvt32a2DemnqIJKwOib3AVy5/s320/5.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433114052035587602" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Run in terror, Norman swine!)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiaUyaKU40283bdWQPG9-hzz5jBa_OXUKWAeClqyrVflyaC2xmsCf3sK56KLuYMa4q-JmLvHzYuPw5YVvIKOhkaci4AWoiFwu7dXpoVkBQDT4k7RgsDacTZvt32a2DemnqIJKwOib3AVy5/s1600-h/5.jpg"></a><b>ROBIN </b>: Real name- Bran ap Brychan. For all of you who were wondering why that would bother me, there’s your answer. Code name - not Robin Hood. It’s “King Raven”. He’s also considered to be a sorcerer. King Raven the Sorcerer in Welsh is Rhi Bran Hwd. So, you know. There’s that. As a character, he’s very much in the classic idiom of “Wealthy layabout grows a pair and fights a corrupt power” Hood. This can be a tough kind of Hood to do well, and the book mostly does a good job of it. They surely ramp it up one of twenty notches. Rather than a noble losing some land based on a technicality, he’s a prince losing his kingdom to conquerors. Rather than running off to the woods with his jolly bunch of lads, he’s chased down like a dog and saved from the brink of death. As far as his outlaw exploits go, I just really hope they never make a movie on this one, because no matter how dark and gritty it is, he still dresses like a giant bird.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivqZU994dSuQPLG_d6rTDsiCjTS3AXA3yEWtkNAhTw0Lp53SQA6ImqyKah3pC5dmDS1zHoGFhiNDKtQvGNz9jXMA0GE-Taq3CC9be9FdH5M4QsZm399ZUoK7sd99oIQPJM_JtmTMl_yzZ3/s1600-h/6.jpg"></a></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivqZU994dSuQPLG_d6rTDsiCjTS3AXA3yEWtkNAhTw0Lp53SQA6ImqyKah3pC5dmDS1zHoGFhiNDKtQvGNz9jXMA0GE-Taq3CC9be9FdH5M4QsZm399ZUoK7sd99oIQPJM_JtmTMl_yzZ3/s1600-h/6.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 292px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivqZU994dSuQPLG_d6rTDsiCjTS3AXA3yEWtkNAhTw0Lp53SQA6ImqyKah3pC5dmDS1zHoGFhiNDKtQvGNz9jXMA0GE-Taq3CC9be9FdH5M4QsZm399ZUoK7sd99oIQPJM_JtmTMl_yzZ3/s320/6.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433114046082515650" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(I don't care what he says, it is unusual.)</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><div><b>LITTLE JOHN : </b>Poor Iwan. Even when he’s all Welshed up, he gets less character development than everyone else. He’s the leader of King Brychan’s war band, and the only survivor of the battle that takes their lives. He’s built up as being a loyal subject and faithful friend and caring advisor and father figure to Bran, but rather than actually doing stuff that involves that, he mostly stands around and scowls. He’s good at it, but still. His nickname comes when Friar Aethelfrith says that his name is John in “civilized language”. The Little part is for the usual reason. Actually, it’s the only time the book took the easy way out instead of trying to be clever. Nobody cares about Little John.</div><div><br /></div></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivqZU994dSuQPLG_d6rTDsiCjTS3AXA3yEWtkNAhTw0Lp53SQA6ImqyKah3pC5dmDS1zHoGFhiNDKtQvGNz9jXMA0GE-Taq3CC9be9FdH5M4QsZm399ZUoK7sd99oIQPJM_JtmTMl_yzZ3/s1600-h/6.jpg"></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Z72bZibVzLjr03bd1wt3cr1J5n2QkWy1QWAjl-9SXtl8vV1AoEsULSWsbOhRaOdb7MhA7Y0D5kQB2_Go6Q-i_fa0je4h0AJqLE1fWIYCdUzGZlSwl1-MdQ6VnhmfdkLqo1wB16SGL7Eb/s1600-h/7.bmp"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 236px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Z72bZibVzLjr03bd1wt3cr1J5n2QkWy1QWAjl-9SXtl8vV1AoEsULSWsbOhRaOdb7MhA7Y0D5kQB2_Go6Q-i_fa0je4h0AJqLE1fWIYCdUzGZlSwl1-MdQ6VnhmfdkLqo1wB16SGL7Eb/s320/7.bmp" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433114044369160738" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(I made this with technology!)</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Z72bZibVzLjr03bd1wt3cr1J5n2QkWy1QWAjl-9SXtl8vV1AoEsULSWsbOhRaOdb7MhA7Y0D5kQB2_Go6Q-i_fa0je4h0AJqLE1fWIYCdUzGZlSwl1-MdQ6VnhmfdkLqo1wB16SGL7Eb/s1600-h/7.bmp"></a></b><div><b>WILL SCARLET : </b>He rather irritatingly fails to make an appearance for the entire book. Why is that irritating? I found this book at a Barnes and Noble after noticing the freshly-minted sequel “Scarlet” on the new releases table. So I spent the whole of this book expecting Will to put in an appearance. Guess not. There’s some guy called Sciarles that I would have assumed was Will if Adam Verner wasn’t pronouncing it “Charles”. But my flip through the first few pages of the sequel makes it clear it’s a different guy. So fuck off, Sciarles. </div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijEpg6UWsviUJAO5fXZvCMzkLuUfL99pbaYIwk2dpbpbbwm-zc_v6CKcrjg128InOcukXSnpBp5QMC6aqTjZPgIVtHQVxTZrA7OC-Jc57T0jQxjO05cFxjxnzP8T808j_gR2ROnJKcPJUb/s1600-h/8.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 232px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijEpg6UWsviUJAO5fXZvCMzkLuUfL99pbaYIwk2dpbpbbwm-zc_v6CKcrjg128InOcukXSnpBp5QMC6aqTjZPgIVtHQVxTZrA7OC-Jc57T0jQxjO05cFxjxnzP8T808j_gR2ROnJKcPJUb/s320/8.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433113877858447538" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijEpg6UWsviUJAO5fXZvCMzkLuUfL99pbaYIwk2dpbpbbwm-zc_v6CKcrjg128InOcukXSnpBp5QMC6aqTjZPgIVtHQVxTZrA7OC-Jc57T0jQxjO05cFxjxnzP8T808j_gR2ROnJKcPJUb/s1600-h/8.jpg"></a><i>(I'm the only outlaw in the village!)</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><b>TUCK </b>: Brother Aethelfrith here is the best freakin‘ Friar Tuck I‘ve ever read. In case you were wondering at the origin of his name, and I can’t imagine you aren’t, after he names Iwan Little John, Iwan names him Tuck, because he’s a fat bag of food. Harsh, Iwan. He’s also the one who turns up and gets them to direct their activities in a more positive way than random brigandry. Doesn’t really do that much outside of being the resident smart guy and sassmouth, but the third book in the series is named “Tuck” so I’m guessing he steps up. But despite having a smaller role in the plot, he provides excellent comic relief, and strikes the proper balance of piety and partying, which as I’ve noted is tricky. Oh, also there was another priest earlier in the book that I thought would be Tuck, but he turned out not to be, which I call “getting Sciarlesed”</span></div><div><br /></div></i><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT8l9AkYPSlAonc-qB21JRHpdw544F3Offi3KgcsJ4O_jriLt_6Fym5FcxOsnrXoDyBpDBdfWZ5Qdgop1ORTxwkGh6CSMGw3YMFjs9rFWwbSuUSfgT3nJHXTRUZtkErijwN1Or_5qbDlpn/s1600-h/9.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 250px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT8l9AkYPSlAonc-qB21JRHpdw544F3Offi3KgcsJ4O_jriLt_6Fym5FcxOsnrXoDyBpDBdfWZ5Qdgop1ORTxwkGh6CSMGw3YMFjs9rFWwbSuUSfgT3nJHXTRUZtkErijwN1Or_5qbDlpn/s320/9.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433113876118076498" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Welsh Corgis. Tiny and ineffective, but remarkably persistent. Also the favorite dogs of The Queen. Coincidence?)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT8l9AkYPSlAonc-qB21JRHpdw544F3Offi3KgcsJ4O_jriLt_6Fym5FcxOsnrXoDyBpDBdfWZ5Qdgop1ORTxwkGh6CSMGw3YMFjs9rFWwbSuUSfgT3nJHXTRUZtkErijwN1Or_5qbDlpn/s1600-h/9.jpg"></a><div><b>MUCH </b>: Not in this book, but if he was, he’d probably be named “Mwycche,” and have some really depressing origin.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiNI2Q_cJrYfIbmTkubc8IlQQgljvzhXL5C35r7r_OC4t9kKlmbyV_AAqflYHWaDN12QYIPcNitDsUErvdTDUyc1cto8i2RNNKPVyWnOhoCPizL3ZkIyab-KJFyd1vEKLq6lHCKCnLeOGK/s1600-h/10.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 246px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiNI2Q_cJrYfIbmTkubc8IlQQgljvzhXL5C35r7r_OC4t9kKlmbyV_AAqflYHWaDN12QYIPcNitDsUErvdTDUyc1cto8i2RNNKPVyWnOhoCPizL3ZkIyab-KJFyd1vEKLq6lHCKCnLeOGK/s320/10.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433113868940119378" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(She's as pretty as two sheep!)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; white-space: normal; "><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre; "><b>MARIAN</b>: Or Mherian, as she‘s called here. As usual, pretty underdeveloped. The hero wants her,</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre; ">the villain wants her, and there’s barely anything to indicate that she has anything to offer other </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre; ">than her precious precious vagina. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre; "><br /></span></div></span></b></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiNI2Q_cJrYfIbmTkubc8IlQQgljvzhXL5C35r7r_OC4t9kKlmbyV_AAqflYHWaDN12QYIPcNitDsUErvdTDUyc1cto8i2RNNKPVyWnOhoCPizL3ZkIyab-KJFyd1vEKLq6lHCKCnLeOGK/s1600-h/10.jpg"></a></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir4TL-6MCtmb2x6uK594B7fRmk3ZQTJ1UwW4k-NGYLv4V_yvN4a2iRkCNgRe-9FM9BzTTMiUbFq9l6bQN4zXsm33zx1XuEGflYk5_-bT7RxTGwewfDtJoPSDmAHkDKXHfCwU248yoaGr23/s1600-h/11.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 225px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir4TL-6MCtmb2x6uK594B7fRmk3ZQTJ1UwW4k-NGYLv4V_yvN4a2iRkCNgRe-9FM9BzTTMiUbFq9l6bQN4zXsm33zx1XuEGflYk5_-bT7RxTGwewfDtJoPSDmAHkDKXHfCwU248yoaGr23/s320/11.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433113865792875986" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(I've seen the movie, and he's more of a Mr. Adequate.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir4TL-6MCtmb2x6uK594B7fRmk3ZQTJ1UwW4k-NGYLv4V_yvN4a2iRkCNgRe-9FM9BzTTMiUbFq9l6bQN4zXsm33zx1XuEGflYk5_-bT7RxTGwewfDtJoPSDmAHkDKXHfCwU248yoaGr23/s1600-h/11.jpg"></a><div><b>SHERIFF </b>: Ehmmm… No, not really. Not even in that cheating way I sometimes do. But the opening of “Scarlet” promises a sheriff of some description, so I’m sure we’re all looking forward to reading the exploits of Sheriff Whylllywme ap Byrndwgyn Gnarx Erxxen xax Scradzz.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWFANYvm_PAMGAlEl0FPMDq6JmlZP5zF7Kh7n_Zs2oMlU40i_yO-glx4paT5u6EsERzaod0AfglwOn5kxDBZG39xZ51dZCR-YQOWs2KygqNXhTF_jtvEyUIzEAAs_Bi6yVtopgmo4jF2mi/s1600-h/12.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 269px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWFANYvm_PAMGAlEl0FPMDq6JmlZP5zF7Kh7n_Zs2oMlU40i_yO-glx4paT5u6EsERzaod0AfglwOn5kxDBZG39xZ51dZCR-YQOWs2KygqNXhTF_jtvEyUIzEAAs_Bi6yVtopgmo4jF2mi/s320/12.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433113863646045058" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(According to the website, this is traditional Welsh fashion. So the Welsh dress like evil picnics.)</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWFANYvm_PAMGAlEl0FPMDq6JmlZP5zF7Kh7n_Zs2oMlU40i_yO-glx4paT5u6EsERzaod0AfglwOn5kxDBZG39xZ51dZCR-YQOWs2KygqNXhTF_jtvEyUIzEAAs_Bi6yVtopgmo4jF2mi/s1600-h/12.jpg"></a></b><div><b>SIR GUY :</b> To my great amazement, Sir Guy actually does make an appearance. In the last few chapters, there’s a big big shipment of money coming in to the town, and a hotshot young marshal names Guy from the town of… ugh… Ghigesburgh is in charge. Thankfully, they start calling him by the Normanized Gysburne before t<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>oo long. He fights the Merry Marchogi and they take his stuff. He really doesn’t do much but set himself up for a bigger role in a sequel. Incidentally, I was originally going to write about this knight called Guiscard that showed up earlier, but a few chapters later, Gysburne showed up. Sciarlesed!</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6jnT58cwkNRXaXpzqAV4Odmr4XPHrnFrgu6FJoB8lF99yBvdharr5cLtH0pnTfEzcoTKWNmEpbi_mSH4KXaio-lDg8_RoiyCE01gsCNwt5fTZ9cFwvIc9krENg_mfazmZQ_R3dJ5D_RF6/s1600-h/13.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6jnT58cwkNRXaXpzqAV4Odmr4XPHrnFrgu6FJoB8lF99yBvdharr5cLtH0pnTfEzcoTKWNmEpbi_mSH4KXaio-lDg8_RoiyCE01gsCNwt5fTZ9cFwvIc9krENg_mfazmZQ_R3dJ5D_RF6/s320/13.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433113686905690610" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(No, no, no! I wanted a picture of King William Rufus, not William Rufus King!)</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6jnT58cwkNRXaXpzqAV4Odmr4XPHrnFrgu6FJoB8lF99yBvdharr5cLtH0pnTfEzcoTKWNmEpbi_mSH4KXaio-lDg8_RoiyCE01gsCNwt5fTZ9cFwvIc9krENg_mfazmZQ_R3dJ5D_RF6/s1600-h/13.jpg"></a></b><div><b>THE MAN -</b> This is set during the reign of William Rufus, a.k.a. King William II. William is a fairly interesting early monarch, and I was upset they didn’t really use him all that much. Bran’s political dealings are all with the king’s right-hand-man, the Archbishop of Someplace. Hopefully, the sequels include the King’s death, as he was allegedly killed by an arrow that ricocheted of a deer and stuck directly in his heart. </div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnRhIu8vzHjVvviar-uhx_GzWSG3ak445rPBF5HdvrYw6Ol2JtE0hDRQMUGFopuCV5JRN3xeP6HoGFLpNOLDrX4jpueBdHAZOL5IIoPFjJS-npzSNI6XnN8V5DxAzvGT9qOeBIy2ulInGP/s1600-h/14.gif"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 212px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnRhIu8vzHjVvviar-uhx_GzWSG3ak445rPBF5HdvrYw6Ol2JtE0hDRQMUGFopuCV5JRN3xeP6HoGFLpNOLDrX4jpueBdHAZOL5IIoPFjJS-npzSNI6XnN8V5DxAzvGT9qOeBIy2ulInGP/s320/14.gif" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433113681424731506" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(Look at him. He runs like a Welshman. Doesn't he? Doesn't he run like a Welshman?)</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnRhIu8vzHjVvviar-uhx_GzWSG3ak445rPBF5HdvrYw6Ol2JtE0hDRQMUGFopuCV5JRN3xeP6HoGFLpNOLDrX4jpueBdHAZOL5IIoPFjJS-npzSNI6XnN8V5DxAzvGT9qOeBIy2ulInGP/s1600-h/14.gif"></a></b><div><b>OTHER MERRY MEN : </b>Well, other than the already-mentioned Sciarles and a swarm of servants and peasants that get just enough development to make me annoyed that they don’t have more, the only notable good guy is Angharad, the old woman who trains Bran. At first, he thinks she’s just a crazy elderly person who lives in the wilderness but soon learns she has a lot to teach him. I understand in the sequel, he returns to her home and he dies, her body slowly fading away. Then at the end Bran sees her standing next to Obi-Wan and either old or young Anakin, depending on what edition you’re watching.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjsQLHEfBhCSmQ5y4WoEkSslcr1x1isCcASlZAXAk_PVwwO7lV2aMFmXwjbovkB-4jTivCK5zA3bYdV_p6W_b2Kxd2uQRkdhduyTrSvkCF7k4PctLi76NWRymSfQOgQypNsKMyvqDRz3Gw/s1600-h/15.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 244px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjsQLHEfBhCSmQ5y4WoEkSslcr1x1isCcASlZAXAk_PVwwO7lV2aMFmXwjbovkB-4jTivCK5zA3bYdV_p6W_b2Kxd2uQRkdhduyTrSvkCF7k4PctLi76NWRymSfQOgQypNsKMyvqDRz3Gw/s320/15.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433113677475505682" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(By way of apology for mocking the Welsh, here's a picture of a hideous stereotype of my people, the Irish, courtesy of Star Trek.)</i></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjsQLHEfBhCSmQ5y4WoEkSslcr1x1isCcASlZAXAk_PVwwO7lV2aMFmXwjbovkB-4jTivCK5zA3bYdV_p6W_b2Kxd2uQRkdhduyTrSvkCF7k4PctLi76NWRymSfQOgQypNsKMyvqDRz3Gw/s1600-h/15.jpg"></a></b><div><b>OTHER VILLAINS : </b>The three main villains are Baron Neufmarche, Baron deBraose, and his nephew Count Falkes deBraose. The Baron deBraose was given King Brychan’s land by the king, he gave it to Falkes, which he technically wasn’t supposed to do, and Neufmarche wants the land, because it’s next to the land he was given. They are so goddamn boring that I don’t remember any other damn thing about them, and I was only able to remember which one did what by process of elimination. One of them wants Mehrian. Neufmarche, I think. Whoever it is, he has a jealous wife whose personality is seriously all over the map. Sometimes she’s weak and simpering, sometimes subtle and cunning, all the time vague and irritating. Abbot Hugo de Rainault from Robin of Sherwood shows up here, which is nice. He’s the new head priest under the Count or Baron or whoever, and at the end, he hires Guy to be his personal guard. Adding to this the fact that there appears to be a sheriff in the next book, it appears they’re going for a more traditional sequel. Looking forward to it.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi18fyQDKtJpWaMLufYyb9oSOeyvOYSpmCiP9Bb2zfwfr6nLJBts47onbdS-ZW_Fd7YoH2W2HJHyMO8eQav0mHGX2mqpSm62Np4CdeKT0gAAyNa3UqwOg8OkEYydpvgBtoGd-iB-kZJf_U/s1600-h/16.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 194px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi18fyQDKtJpWaMLufYyb9oSOeyvOYSpmCiP9Bb2zfwfr6nLJBts47onbdS-ZW_Fd7YoH2W2HJHyMO8eQav0mHGX2mqpSm62Np4CdeKT0gAAyNa3UqwOg8OkEYydpvgBtoGd-iB-kZJf_U/s320/16.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433113672999259106" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(I only know what the word spendthrift means thanks to a random spotting of a Jimmy Olsen comic online a few years ago. I couldn't find that comic, but this one's just as good. Let's face it, if you're looking for stupid pictures of Jimmy Olsen online, you're not exactly strapped for choice.)</i></div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>BEST LINE</b></div><div><br /></div><div>”Friar Aethelfrith stifled a hoot of contempt for the man’s insinuation. Instead, he beamed beatifically and loosed a soft fart.”</div><div><br /></div><div><b>WORST SENTENCE I HAVE EVER READ IN A PUBLISHED NOVEL: </b></div><div><br /></div><div>“Would he be considered niggardly, or perhaps a spendthrift?”</div><div><br /></div><div>Hi guys! I’m a pretentious historical novelist! Watch me, as in a single sentence, I manage to use two words that nobody EVER uses anymore, one of which people are vaguely familiar with only because it sounds like a horrible racial slur, and the other that means the exact opposite of what it sounds like! DHURRRR.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>CHOICE QUOTES FROM ONLINE REVIEWS : </b></div><div><br /></div><div>"Lawhead is a gifted writer, a fact made even more apparent by his lack of the use of profanity, illicit sex or unnecessary violence."</div><div><br /></div><div>"I'm not any sadder for reading this book, but I'm certainly not any more enriched or anything." </div><div><br /></div><div>"And after seeing Richard Armitage play Guy of Gisborne, it was hard to stomach him as a French knight, saying things like 'n'est ce pas?' and reminding me absurdly of Hercule Poirot!" </div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>ONE ONLINE REVIEW REPRODUCED IN ITS ENTIRETY : </b></div><div><br /></div><div>"Crap."</div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>COMING UP NEXT :</b></div><div><br /></div><div>Already-promised! Now-delivered! Thrill to “The Story of Robin Hood and his Merrie Men!”</div><div><br /></div></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi18fyQDKtJpWaMLufYyb9oSOeyvOYSpmCiP9Bb2zfwfr6nLJBts47onbdS-ZW_Fd7YoH2W2HJHyMO8eQav0mHGX2mqpSm62Np4CdeKT0gAAyNa3UqwOg8OkEYydpvgBtoGd-iB-kZJf_U/s1600-h/16.jpg"></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzsnuanUM3844FbY0OYTRu2YdWfIlScC4v-GXdFje1ZV_Q_Z_sFb99XQWGao6QVARBIGgRfSGJgYKnvX20PT0htUh0BkeScPcd2XffpaHtofWCaKxjIl1XMxLcDRUxg8nR_0-T5i6fea_H/s1600-h/17.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzsnuanUM3844FbY0OYTRu2YdWfIlScC4v-GXdFje1ZV_Q_Z_sFb99XQWGao6QVARBIGgRfSGJgYKnvX20PT0htUh0BkeScPcd2XffpaHtofWCaKxjIl1XMxLcDRUxg8nR_0-T5i6fea_H/s320/17.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433113669137594466" /></a><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><i>(WELLLLSHIEEEE!!!!)</i></div></div>Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-515494236333988225.post-78938244837213110982009-10-26T18:49:00.000-07:002016-02-06T21:25:52.449-08:00Under the Hood: Part 10 - Robin Hood: Men in Tights<strong>ROBIN HOOD: MEN IN TIGHTS (1993)<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5AKIcpiIdRC1tmvpvfRcI7CecKRHAiXSBJaTCdu7-ATT3veeTb0ZM3BZl-1z2U1zJvRSmdgwtK45lPzECiLHHIrhWuFIT44Uib0YJIX3c-qa2_Fo3nGCsGp_SOKvhac33-EhpomuBrMTN/s1600-h/1.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397096164966533154" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5AKIcpiIdRC1tmvpvfRcI7CecKRHAiXSBJaTCdu7-ATT3veeTb0ZM3BZl-1z2U1zJvRSmdgwtK45lPzECiLHHIrhWuFIT44Uib0YJIX3c-qa2_Fo3nGCsGp_SOKvhac33-EhpomuBrMTN/s320/1.jpg" style="cursor: hand; height: 320px; width: 221px;" /></a><br /><br />BEFORE WE BEGIN - </strong>The “Best line” section, or whatever I replace it with is out here. Looking at my notes, I see that it’s almost all about individual lines, jokes, and bits. So I’ll do a special edition blog later, where I go into detail on some bits. Until then, let me tide you over with… “I’m Little John! But don’t let my name fool you. In real life, I’m actually very big.”<br />
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<em>(Don't ask me, ask them.)<br /></em><strong>PLOT - </strong>Robert of Loxley is trapped in the Holy Land, as is so often the case with him. He escapes his confines with the aid of another prisoner, and returns to England, where he finds the land under tyranny, and joins with a motley crew of outlaws to fight for justice. Okay, now that I’ve typed that, I can watch the movie. Ostensibly, this was to be a parody of Prince of Thieves, but the decision was wisely made to expand it and make it more of a parody off Robin Hood’s legend in general. We get, the archery contest with split arrow, a fight on a bridge, everyone wanting to marry Marian, Robin crashing a party, a big fight in a tower, a public hanging averted, and all the rest of the traditional business. I’m fine with that. A movie that solely parodies another movie is rarely good. Speaking of good things that are rare…<br />
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<strong>THE GOOD - </strong>Okay, as much as I’m about to rag on the humor in this movie, it does have several jokes that made me laugh out loud. Sadly, there’s maybe six that weren’t ruined by the pacing afterwards. Oh, but there’s also a lot of really good actors! Sadly, they have awful lines and direction. All right, all right, let’s see, the good… The good… Nostalgia? </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMZrXJc5Htnkor7_rlNZewZU-b1DWsaDCzqLjpyV51SpYf1Jks6Lmbdae3GMJxVqbk3ZDGwRiGZVqV_ekwWmkZRO9sclIHbse6venfE5GqYXrb6P7q-fdGUEKpa3WqYrCygK_55bOr8E4P/s1600-h/6851_512x288_manicured__-QFQiibIRka6L+OnyAW52Q.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397097974946239858" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMZrXJc5Htnkor7_rlNZewZU-b1DWsaDCzqLjpyV51SpYf1Jks6Lmbdae3GMJxVqbk3ZDGwRiGZVqV_ekwWmkZRO9sclIHbse6venfE5GqYXrb6P7q-fdGUEKpa3WqYrCygK_55bOr8E4P/s320/6851_512x288_manicured__-QFQiibIRka6L+OnyAW52Q.jpg" style="cursor: hand; height: 180px; width: 320px;" /></a></div>
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<em>(There. Now no one can say I don't make easy jokes.)</em></div>
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<strong>THE BAD - </strong>Mel Brooks got old. That’s a bad thing. Whereas he was once a master of timing, wordplay, slapstick, and parody, all of those skills had rusted and atrophied by the time he made this movie. I suppose we all should have seen it coming when he decided to make a Star Wars parody in 1987, when it was already old, but not yet retro. (He fares slightly better here, Prince of Thieves being only two years old at this point.) Spaceballs also showed Brooks really running hard into the kind of comedy Zucker, Abrahams, and Zucker (ZAZ) mastered with Airplane!. But that kind of comedy takes a special mind, and amazing talent, and a lot of luck to do well, and Brooks hasn’t got the knack.<br />
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There’s a constant feeling like all the jokes run one line too long, and the camera is kept running for a few seconds after it should have stopped. It’s a constant cycle of tell a joke, explain a joke, stand around awkwardly. You can’t pause for laughs in a movie, it doesn’t work like that. ZAZ knew that if you’re going to do stupid, off-the-wall humor, it needs to come hard and fast. Keep the audience laughing so hard they miss half the jokes, and they’ll buy tickets for a second showing. Wait for them to finish laughing, and THEY WON’T BE LAUGHING BECAUSE YOUR PACING SUCKS, MEL BROOKS. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYnaOMZll0jvpEZT7IYtN5snF85uA9Do25uZVBtCOMflsyRd4RLNNGBFuQNn909LzQvjQ832rU-GZrvHaKzICGLt_hBhoSzhNr2KDQnHzJALfke8FawBDMlwfD-_EBfTfxb1ZW08_6e9Ls/s1600-h/zz.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397103545761492274" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYnaOMZll0jvpEZT7IYtN5snF85uA9Do25uZVBtCOMflsyRd4RLNNGBFuQNn909LzQvjQ832rU-GZrvHaKzICGLt_hBhoSzhNr2KDQnHzJALfke8FawBDMlwfD-_EBfTfxb1ZW08_6e9Ls/s320/zz.jpg" style="cursor: hand; height: 204px; width: 272px;" /></a></div>
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<em>(I found this image in a blog about purity balls. That's pretty funny.)</em></div>
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<strong>THE OTHERWISE WORTHY OF MENTION -</strong> There’s a LOT of jokes from old Mel Brooks movies in this one. I can’t really complain, because they’re still funny, and he’s always done it. There’s just so damn many of them this time. “It’s good to be the king”, “Walk this way”, moving deformity, sequel jokes, even an entire character. The only really awful one is when a character looks straight at the camera, directly mentions Blazing Saddles, and waggles his eyebrows. But that’s near the end, and I was so desensitized to that shit already by that point. Some people got offended by the prison in this movie, both for mocking Arabs and torture. But the torture jokes are no worse than The Wizard of Id, and the Arab jokes are incredibly mild. Plus, the book I read complaining about Arab stereotypes cited Prince of Thieves as an example of positive images. Yeah, one nice guy played by an African-American in the middle of a swarm of swarthy Semitic Saracen swine does not a positive image make, BOOK. Oh, and it’s a… musical? There’s four very short songs in it, at least. One is sung by Marian, and is very short, only one verse. One is sung by Robin to Marian, and is obviously dubbed, which is the big joke. One is an expository rap intecut with Hey Nonny Nonnys and ballet, which gets the movie off to deceptively promising start. And one is “Men in Tights”, which you all know anyway.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOQY5lnJznHvW8mzmfwxvs4-D6tRrDLNIDoaD7IcfCMelLEUDRXrXqf_K-lbKFFbaOkJEPyaIZJeVJn5CL2SQJtuKnAV4xSLGjeqpUwpCrKon_grm5jLDS75bEX99QHWPOgOBeB646F4Xz/s1600-h/zz2.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397103540584206034" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOQY5lnJznHvW8mzmfwxvs4-D6tRrDLNIDoaD7IcfCMelLEUDRXrXqf_K-lbKFFbaOkJEPyaIZJeVJn5CL2SQJtuKnAV4xSLGjeqpUwpCrKon_grm5jLDS75bEX99QHWPOgOBeB646F4Xz/s320/zz2.jpg" style="cursor: hand; height: 320px; width: 246px;" /></a></div>
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<strong>HEY LET’S ALL TAKE A MOMENT TO REMEMBER:</strong><br />
<em>The Producers<br />The Elephant Man<br />Young Frankenstein<br />Get Smart<br />Blazing Saddles<br />Silent Movie<br />The Fly<br />The Producers (musical) </em></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP3g-TAs2yg6ZNl6FYQi84XkSHTfZ4jy8EK4JsnQZCHwcmEKtJDg8GbbPArfM-Na1nckGyuWUmy6iCJMAXAKGIkhjDsWpThIBG0dSb45gE-L35hEdURuWcnrOB4_qjgTW3elUPqu4wh_zK/s1600-h/5286-16142.gif"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397096511170854146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP3g-TAs2yg6ZNl6FYQi84XkSHTfZ4jy8EK4JsnQZCHwcmEKtJDg8GbbPArfM-Na1nckGyuWUmy6iCJMAXAKGIkhjDsWpThIBG0dSb45gE-L35hEdURuWcnrOB4_qjgTW3elUPqu4wh_zK/s320/5286-16142.gif" style="cursor: hand; height: 240px; width: 320px;" /></a></div>
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<em>(Rather Dashing)</em></div>
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<strong>ROBIN</strong> - Ah, Cary Elwes. From your blond goatee to your hard to pronounce name, (Yooles? Elways?) you are in every way a class act. He’s got the easy job here, because Mel Brooks saw The Princess Bride, and knows that all you have to do is give Elwes a sword and a fake accent and let him suave his way through the role. This is where the cross-parodying I mentioned comes into play, since Robin in this movie is a parody of Errol Flynn first and anything else at least ninth. He does it well, strolling around like he owns the place, knowing that he can do whatever he damn well pleases, because he’s Robin Hood, dangit. He also tends to lapse into huge bold speeches that bore everyone else around him, which would be a lamer running gag if Elwes wasn’t able to completely sell it every time. Top marks.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOrbruokNY74HYVQOSRtYkajEU31a1N4sCggJTKo7FxCqTNQU3LhJi_0SzwL4oWM3eoHY8YUAhXaavowZ6byCw37-WFU4ff3DO12pfjRmAaCrD7AIwHBpzP-doynUGp_S9MPagjXZCqAxI/s1600-h/6872_512x288_manicured__S5D0Qj10U0Ws80VO9r5oaQ.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397097983200583298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOrbruokNY74HYVQOSRtYkajEU31a1N4sCggJTKo7FxCqTNQU3LhJi_0SzwL4oWM3eoHY8YUAhXaavowZ6byCw37-WFU4ff3DO12pfjRmAaCrD7AIwHBpzP-doynUGp_S9MPagjXZCqAxI/s320/6872_512x288_manicured__S5D0Qj10U0Ws80VO9r5oaQ.jpg" style="cursor: hand; height: 180px; width: 320px;" /></a></div>
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<em>("Hey, Mel, do you think they'll notice the river is small? We only say it 20 or so times." "Good point! Double that!")</em></div>
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<strong>LITTLE JOHN -</strong> I hope you’re ready for me to drop some hot tasty coincidence on you, ‘cause that’s how I’m about to commence to rolling. As you all are well aware, Alan Hale has played Little John in two movies seen on this very blog, and one more besides. His son played the Skipper on Gilligan’s Island. In this movie, John is played by Erik Allan Kramer, who was also in a TV movie about the making of Gilligan’s Island (Which someone made for some reason) in which he played none other than Alan Hale, Jr.! I hope you found that interesting, because there’s not much I can say about his performance here. He’s big and dumb, his fighting is acceptable for the sort of movie this is, his accent is crap, but no worse than many we’ve seen, and there’s not much in the way of jokes outside of the “big dumb guy” stereotype. Still pretty good, though.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiSr75D1_Xbn_367OSMFelE1NsG3trwf3Khsok7a8Ex9GNjCnLa4iec9-BG5kmotZMUCFc5gPm9Ry-IIenp1HZ1KODnNx8lvyzZMN7tWM7pgrK2y7Q91DTQ1Oq-NlSu0LU2PQycZvPbhy6/s1600-h/6862_512x288_manicured__1OPqIwZSCkernlVdkRvdCg.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397097983493449858" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiSr75D1_Xbn_367OSMFelE1NsG3trwf3Khsok7a8Ex9GNjCnLa4iec9-BG5kmotZMUCFc5gPm9Ry-IIenp1HZ1KODnNx8lvyzZMN7tWM7pgrK2y7Q91DTQ1Oq-NlSu0LU2PQycZvPbhy6/s320/6862_512x288_manicured__1OPqIwZSCkernlVdkRvdCg.jpg" style="cursor: hand; height: 180px; width: 320px;" /></a></div>
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<em>(Mel Brooks won an Oscar for his first produced screenplay.)</em></div>
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<strong>WILL SCARLET -</strong> Hey there, boys and girls! Did you remember way back in the Little John part, where the character was so blandly written, all I could say about them was some lame casting trivia? Well, I hope you liked that, because now we meet Will Scarlet. He introduces himself as Will Scarlet O’Hara, and then his pants fall down. Those are pretty much the only jokes they came up with. And they overexplained one of them. The only thing to say here is that he’s played by Matthew Porretta, who a few years later played Robin Hood in a ridiculous syndicated show that I NEED to find and watch and review. Robin Hood works for a Wizard! And fights other Wizards! And Christopher Lee is in it! I guess they had at least 20 bucks. Guy wasn’t up to much in ‘95. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIn7Z911UWKGSDiwhah4JQIOWPYdHTUagp8IJUf4940eznUxVYNaucLV2psmqmAGu-WwkFzqgbnaVOUBqSA03TYvpMXLNvehBj-Tdib6JxhInrKLW-5djxgIKORztlqd2Hz-M9_Ibp37nO/s1600-h/6837_512x288_manicured__pY92TZRn90eSa2K9NZIRRw.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397096515708926130" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIn7Z911UWKGSDiwhah4JQIOWPYdHTUagp8IJUf4940eznUxVYNaucLV2psmqmAGu-WwkFzqgbnaVOUBqSA03TYvpMXLNvehBj-Tdib6JxhInrKLW-5djxgIKORztlqd2Hz-M9_Ibp37nO/s320/6837_512x288_manicured__pY92TZRn90eSa2K9NZIRRw.jpg" style="cursor: hand; height: 180px; width: 320px;" /></a></div>
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<em>(That's a guillotine. Guess what kind of Jewish joke is being made.)</em></div>
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<strong>TUCK -</strong> Well, it’s a Mel Brooks movie, so it shouldn’t amaze you to learn that the character here is Rabbi Tuckman, played by Mel himself. He’s more or less a cameo, though. Which I’m glad about. He’s a very specific sort of comedian, and he wouldn’t really fit here. He’ll give himself a much larger role in Dracula: Dead and Loving It, and we all know how that turned out. And if you don’t please don’t go try and find out. It’s not worth it. Anyway, Tuckman shows up getting robbed by the outlaws in a scene that ratchets up the Mel Brooks Jewish Joke Ratio to its legally required level, then shows up at the end to perform the wedding of Robin and Marian. The rabbi jokes would have gotten old fast if he had been a major character, but they work in their compressed form. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCAKk8VhInOgdTTNYQ4brK2mI6V3j8vFFsx4tMtOdlAdGTpAa0VXTChfJntAP5u6-Mjn6k3FWrlA5cYyQhHhogHcHILfrixD_EmyNZbMGHPSldUhqfoXpkwvAmSJzGptboFbcRus1NbkWo/s1600-h/11591944_gal.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397299372673661842" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCAKk8VhInOgdTTNYQ4brK2mI6V3j8vFFsx4tMtOdlAdGTpAa0VXTChfJntAP5u6-Mjn6k3FWrlA5cYyQhHhogHcHILfrixD_EmyNZbMGHPSldUhqfoXpkwvAmSJzGptboFbcRus1NbkWo/s320/11591944_gal.jpg" style="cursor: hand; height: 178px; width: 320px;" /></a></div>
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<em>(Played by Corbin Allred, star of TGIF's "Teen Angel", Oscar-nominated film "Saints and Soldiers", and something called "Josh Kirby - Time Warrior". What a career.)</em></div>
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<strong>MUCH -</strong> None, really. There’s the saved-from-poachers lad. He makes a really labored and awful and dated Home Alone joke. Yes, even by this movie’s standards. It’s not really based on anything other than it’s a thing a young kid can say that people will recognize. Had the movie been ten years later, the kid would have said “I see dead people”. It’s a Seltzerberg level joke, and I expect better from even ‘90s Mel. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvrS-q3skR3pNm4dMZ7ih7jivMyzKuy_32OYtlJ635aHap_39mTTMrW2xBqXHJKSsfsUsZKxiwFEK2assTdoQOaTmrCYgEQh_IPlDttLekoOndgNNVltg_Cjnh4NTxAQ1-8mo26AeZinG2/s1600-h/18827-16142.gif"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397098221214248850" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvrS-q3skR3pNm4dMZ7ih7jivMyzKuy_32OYtlJ635aHap_39mTTMrW2xBqXHJKSsfsUsZKxiwFEK2assTdoQOaTmrCYgEQh_IPlDttLekoOndgNNVltg_Cjnh4NTxAQ1-8mo26AeZinG2/s320/18827-16142.gif" style="cursor: hand; height: 240px; width: 320px;" /></a></div>
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<em>(Hey. This girl <strong>knows</strong> funny. She was on <strong>Wings</strong>.)</em></div>
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<strong>MARIAN -</strong> She reeeally doesn’t make a huge impact, I’m sorry to say. Writing female characters has never been Mel Brook’s strong suit. And since by this point comedy wasn’t, either, Marian comes off pretty badly here, with not much more than a sunny outlook, an annoying voice, and some really ugly dresses. I guess if I wanted to, I could say that this was parody of how Marian tends to be underwritten romantic interest in Robin Hood movies in general and Prince of Thieves in particular, but that would be giving the movie too much credit. She wears a steel chastity belt, awaiting for the man who holds the key to unlock it. I could say that this was parody of the female lead‘s role in fantasy literature and other popular fiction as a prize to be won, but that would be giving the movie too much credit. She also has big red curly hair, and let’s just say that’s a Robin of Sherwood reference. Hey, they need SOME credit.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIUY5gnI4CzoU4KcZOuUCvhimZuEOrZwcv5X-o8Vz0x7b7ZI3geYNCwWPlUWInYOk3nx0-GyJESy1HmBarQkRsLfyNr8iTac8mDzyd2b5bjz5GtVEWcrpR0gokh2hhHfyh_XfXfC5DwHMW/s1600-h/6845_512x288_manicured__M8Y8hxJPcECiprc50ToZvg.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397097977231999666" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIUY5gnI4CzoU4KcZOuUCvhimZuEOrZwcv5X-o8Vz0x7b7ZI3geYNCwWPlUWInYOk3nx0-GyJESy1HmBarQkRsLfyNr8iTac8mDzyd2b5bjz5GtVEWcrpR0gokh2hhHfyh_XfXfC5DwHMW/s320/6845_512x288_manicured__M8Y8hxJPcECiprc50ToZvg.jpg" style="cursor: hand; height: 180px; width: 320px;" /></a></div>
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<em>(You call that a sneer, Revill? THIS is a sneer!)</em></div>
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<strong>SHERIFF</strong> <strong>-</strong> The sheriff gains another name in this one, Mervin. Would have been finnier if the movie didn’t grind to a halt so everyone could laugh at that. Mervin is played by Roger Rees, a much classier actor than should probably be here. He looks like Rickman and acts like Rathbone. His one major joke is that he mixes up words in his sentences, and then corrects himself. (e.g. Unboy that hand! He deered to kill a King‘s dare!) This would be funny if it was a fast correction as if he was hoping no one would notice, or if he tried to tried to play it off as intentional, but instead he just gets a pained expression and slowly corrects himself, thus spelling the joke out for the audience. And if you’re tired of me complaining about this, I’m tired of Mel Brooks doing it. Rees actually performs very well, and it’s clear that he knows his way around a sword, which makes watching him fight Elwes occasionally quite fun, even if they’re filmed horribly. But hey, he’s snide, he looks like Hans Gruber, and he can get out the line “That’s going to chafe my willy” with is dignity intact. Well, done, Rog.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHsI34g_xZhfdVN-HrXkBfXdm4wtrGcssOJb23NkLmSWHhMnqh5r3uZyanHC_2g8yM4uPApJOsOnnDxgWrMN8ITowWyhulOxcL7bPR8OUfz9QFMAYizI85B8P3DqXqrPGJWI8bZn8Lhzx8/s1600-h/z3.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397103552185603602" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHsI34g_xZhfdVN-HrXkBfXdm4wtrGcssOJb23NkLmSWHhMnqh5r3uZyanHC_2g8yM4uPApJOsOnnDxgWrMN8ITowWyhulOxcL7bPR8OUfz9QFMAYizI85B8P3DqXqrPGJWI8bZn8Lhzx8/s320/z3.jpg" style="cursor: hand; height: 320px; width: 150px;" /></a></div>
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<em>(Yeah, I've been holding on to this joke for a while.)</em></div>
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<strong>SIR GUY -</strong> None present. Not even a sort of proxy I could use, like I usually do. Did it really take us this long to get to one without a Guy? Wow. Him and Much are a lot more common than I thought they’d be. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk-i3ErrtGDDcXYjP4CUVWFWwkqKwfTzn1ZsCGj1sVM9vSO9Gfyd4j0C3-b2Z3AkL0FsSuL1_ahrTsVAQCR0U_HQ721x9jPAYPRhfecauKcB2ZN6vBuVehsiWEI6JBXA5HZOtHaGpFG7zu/s1600-h/Robin-Hood-Tights-bh04.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397098225823856290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk-i3ErrtGDDcXYjP4CUVWFWwkqKwfTzn1ZsCGj1sVM9vSO9Gfyd4j0C3-b2Z3AkL0FsSuL1_ahrTsVAQCR0U_HQ721x9jPAYPRhfecauKcB2ZN6vBuVehsiWEI6JBXA5HZOtHaGpFG7zu/s320/Robin-Hood-Tights-bh04.jpg" style="cursor: hand; height: 320px; width: 220px;" /></a></div>
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<em>(Hey, it's Al Pacino!)</em></div>
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<strong>THE MAN - </strong>Prince John is played by excessively irritating comedian Richard Lewis. When I was a small child, I used to get him confused with Al Pacino, but I couldn’t tell you why even if you gave me a big cake. I don’t even know why I would know who Al Pacino was when I was 12. Only I guess I didn’t, so there you go. This is actually a well-written idea of John, not mad with power, not evil, just kind of a jerk who loves the luxury his ill-gotten position gives him. Which makes it too bad that Lewis plays John like a whiny Jewish New York comedian who’s really out of place doing any kind of acting, let alone in the Middle Ages. (Long pause) Which he is. (Looks at the camera) </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7ojDpPAihx5gEzx8ZgHDcOr_8apoNIvjtLCjevq7usuJMrBo1GWi9AUWXMT0VBmLstIo-u2nnfpDY3sAsIF6NdwxHoVq2xVlCiabuWRl420bK5b8S7XivZQUkc7DUJjBFQGB-2a6_0hwW/s1600-h/16548-16142.gif"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397098213979601458" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7ojDpPAihx5gEzx8ZgHDcOr_8apoNIvjtLCjevq7usuJMrBo1GWi9AUWXMT0VBmLstIo-u2nnfpDY3sAsIF6NdwxHoVq2xVlCiabuWRl420bK5b8S7XivZQUkc7DUJjBFQGB-2a6_0hwW/s320/16548-16142.gif" style="cursor: hand; height: 240px; width: 320px;" /></a></div>
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<em>(Oh, Mr. Stewart. You make everything better.)</em></div>
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Richard, on the other hand, is played by the best actor ever, so that’s a nice tradeoff. In parody of Connery’s surprise ending appearance in Prince of Thieves, Patrick Stewart turns up, magnanimously fixing everything and hitting on Marian, all the while talking in a ridiculous Scottish accent. Patrick Stewart doing comedy is fan-freaking-tastic, as seen elsewhere on this blog, and I’m pleased as punch and pie to welcome him to the elite club of multitask, along with Nick Brimble and Alan Hale. His trophy is in the mail.</div>
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<em>(Matching outfits. Cute.)</em></div>
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<strong>OTHER MERRY MEN - </strong>Well, <strong>Lady Sassmouth</strong> shows up, carrying a German accent and an obsession with maintaing Marian’s virginity, which is basically what she does anyway, and she’s usually the comic relief, so there’s not much change here. The clearest reference to O’Thieves here is in the two extra Merry Men. One of them, <strong>Blinken</strong>, is awesome. As you may recall, if you’ve been here since the beginning, Robin had a servant in PoT by the name of Duncan, who had been blinded by Nottingham’s men. Duncan’s malady was gruesome and graphic and he was a sad, frail old man. Which made the moments they played it for comedy, which were many, kind of awkward and uncomfortable. But Blinken plays it, naturally, with no pathos whatsoever, and is fantastic. Sure, the blind jokes are as hacky as the rest of the humor in this film, but they work in that idiom. My favorite, after he catches an arrow in midair: (John: “That was amazing!” Blinken: “I heard it coming a mile away.” Robin: “Well done, Blinken.” Blinken: “Pardon? Who’s talking?”) Not to mention that he’s the camp’s night watchman. (Robin: “What are you doing?“ Blinken: “… Guessing?“ And the fact that he tends to look in the wrong direction when people touch him.<br />
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The other is <strong>Achoo</strong>, played by… Achoo is played by… I can’t say it. He’s way WAY too good of a comedian to be here, and his comedy is so antithetical to the sort of jokes he’s forced to tell that it makes his lines seem forced and… Okay, Brian, deal with it. He was young, it was a good paycheck, and Brooks clearly recognized his ability. And if it wasn’t for embarrassing early roles of stars, we wouldn’t have Mazes and Monsters… </div>
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It’s Dave Chappelle.<br />
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And sadly, there’s not much indication of the brilliant satirist we all know from his eponymous Comedy Central show. The character is woefully written. It seems Mel Brooks wanted to parody ‘urban’ culture, and the best he could do was “What do the young people do these days? Air pumps on their sneakers! That’s it!” Id like to say Chappelle’s natural comedic ability shines through the material, but sadly, it doesn’t. While it would be nice to think of someone of his caliber being able to spin shit into gold, it turns out that when he’s given uninspiring material, he’s only about as good as the average Wayans. Actually, Marlon Wayans is better at excising laughs from bad writing, Would have been nice to see him in this. Well, now that I’ve admitted I’d rather see Marlon Wayans than Dave Chappelle in a role, I think I need to go slam my ears in the oven door. </div>
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<em>(What ever happened to him? I know he died. I meant before that.)</em></div>
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<strong>OTHER VILLAINS</strong> - <strong>The hangman from Blazing Saddles</strong> is in this. Same actor and everything. The main joke in Blazing Saddles was that a medieval hangman was in the wild west. Now that it’s actually a medieval setting, he mostly does noose puns. Whatever. Dom Deluise shows up playing a Godfather parody called <strong>Don Giovanni</strong>. I’d make a joke about Brooks’ timeliness of parody again, but Godfather references are pretty timeless. His confederates are <strong>Filthy Luca</strong>, which is a clever name, and <strong>Dirty Ezio</strong>, which is not. Ezio does look a bit like Clint Eastwood, which would go a ways to explaining the name, but I’m not sure why they did that, since he’s a mob hitman, as opposed to anything even slightly like Dirty Harry. But there’s bigger failures of humor in the movie, and this one sort of fades into the background. (Note: a commenter has explained the joke behind that name, and it's actually pretty clever, so I apologize.) There’s also <strong>Latrine</strong>, a parody of the weird fortune-telling witch/sheriff’s mom from Prince of Thieves. She’s kind of funny, and being played by Tracey Ullman helps, but there’s really no dignified way to tell a joke like “My name used to be shithouse!” Hey, remember Young Frankenstein? Good times.<br />
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<strong>COMING UP NEXT</strong> - All your favorite characters! Rhi Bran Hwd! Little Iwan! And Friar Aethelfrith! Come and see the timeless legend get all Welshed-up by a guy who feels the need to tell us every damn thing he learned while researching… <strong><u><em>Hood</em></u></strong>!</div>
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Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-515494236333988225.post-45919204410052349892009-06-05T05:57:00.000-07:002009-08-04T06:30:37.589-07:00Under the Hood: Part 6 (finally): QpidQPID<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/Excelsior_communications_officer.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/Excelsior_communications_officer.jpg" title="" /><br /><br />So in 1991, Robin Hood was all big thanks to Prince of Thieves. [Utterly random aside: PoT’s Will Scarlet, Christian Slater, is a huge Trekkie, and the reason his eyebrows are shaped the way they are is because when he was a kid, he shaved them so he could be Spock for Halloween, and they never grew in properly. Also, he had a cameo in Star Trek VI, my favorite Trek movie. And his godfather was Michael Zaslow, the fist person to die on Star Trek, and the first to get the “He‘s Dead, Jim.:” Blue shirt, by the way, not red. Anyway…] Wanting to capitalize on Robin Hoodical publicity, the Star Trek: The Next Generation crew took an old script about King Arthur they had lying around, made it all Robin Hoody, and filmed it. Thankfully, time has robbed the episode of its depressing trendiness, and what we are left with is that rarest of all things: A comedic Star Trek episode that works.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid092.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid092.jpg" title="" /><br /><br />(<span style="font-style: italic;">Let's get those gay jokes out of the way early, now.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"> BIG PLOT:</span> Here’s a special section I came up with for Robin Hood themed episodes of other shows, to give you a little background on the series. Star Trek: The Next Generation, or TNG to save space, is the follow-up to the 1960s classic Star Trek. Like the original, it follows the adventures of members of Starfleet, the space faring science, exploration, defens, and diplomatic wing of the United Federation of Planets, who are sort of like the UN, except they get things accomplished, and don’t allow their members to be openly hostile with each other. Unlike the original, TNG was 40% more likely to deal with problems solvable by thinking and talking than punching and shooting. Plus, the Captain was a bald Frenchman. Despite these apparent setbacks, TNG proved to be at least the equal, if not the superior of the original. Anyone who denies this sucks. One recurring character of note to this episode is Q, an omnipotent god-being. Despite that heady job description, Q is noted for his sense of humor and fondness for Captain Picard, who he seems to look at like a cross between a best friend, a baby cousin, and a pet hamster.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid024.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid024.jpg" title="" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (ADVENTURE, HO!)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"> LIL’ PLOT:</span>Captain Picard is going to an archaeology lecture! Can you FEEL the action? He’s ever so nervous about being asked to deliver the keynote speech on the Tagan ruins. The whole senior staff is attending the conference with him, and while they act like they support the Captain, you know they all think it’s lame; except Data, who has no emotions. Fortunately, just when it looks like the most boring episode ever, intrigue arrives in the form of Picard’s sextacular former flame, Vash. Vash walks around the ship telling everyone how she banged the captain, and how her, Indiana Jones, and Lara Croft are the only hot archaeologists ever. Picard spends all his time fretting. And not without reason, because who should show up but Q! Picard actually managed to save Q’s life and restore his powers when he had been stripped of them, and Q is here to say thank you. Q decides to show him how having a lady is not worth the risk, and accomplishes this by transporting Picard and his crew to Sherwood Forest in the form of Robin Hood and his crew. Picard/Hood can sit pretty in the forest, and return to his ship at dawn… if he’s willing to let Vash die. Well, of course he’s not. Will hilarity and antics ensue? You betcha!<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid124.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid124.jpg" title="" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (The hat looks pretty good with no hair getting in the way.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"> GENERAL THOUGHTS:</span> Star Trek is awesome. But it’s not really funny. Fine actors the stars may be, and perfectly capable of saying a funny line and getting a laugh, but to do a full comedy episode, you need comedically gifted actors. Every Trek series has fallen short here. The DS9 crew was so comedically off that the only funny episode I’ve ever seen consisted of Armin Shimmerman and Rene Auberjonois getting the hell off that depressing ass space station and getting up to some wacky shenanigans. But TNG had four great weapons. Regular cast members Patrick Stewart, Brent Spiner, and Michael Dorn, and frequent guest star John DeLancie. These are four fucking hilarious guys. Add in the eminently likeable LeVar Burton, the always charming Jonathan Frakes, and two pretty girls who manage not to be total humor vacuums*, and you’ve got the only Trek series that can reliably deliver a funny episode.<br /><br />* I don’t mean to imply that women aren’t funny. Only that Gates McFadden and Marina Sirtis aren’t funny.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid139.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid139.jpg" title="" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (I am... confused by your non-ray-gun weaponry!)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"> ROBIN:</span> Patrick Stewart is totally the best Robin Hood I’ve seen so far. Picard is the perfect man as envisioned by Gene Roddenberry. He’s intelligent, cultured, and a man of action. And he's able to accept baldness with grace and dignity, which neither Kirk nor Sisko were up to. But to be fair to Sisko, shaving your head is a viable option if you're black. But not if you're white. Have you seen Bruce Willis? Dude looks like a giant thumb. Picard is definitely playing an Errol Flynn Robin here, but with a full awareness of how silly the whole situation is, and he's pure awesome at it. At one point, he shouts "TO THE FOREST!", and just straight up pulls it off.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid033.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid033.jpg" title="" /> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;">(And here's one for the ladies...)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"> LITTLE JOHN: </span>As I referenced a while back, Riker is a right proper Little John. He’s tall and hairy, for one. He’s also thoughtful, clever, and cautious, while still the best man in a fight, which is how Little John was before Hollywood turned him into “big angry jerk guy”. He also ignores Robin in the finest Little John tradition, going in to rescue him after being specifically told not to. Classy John all the way. Also, I think we can all agree that Jonathan Frakes is pure masculine thunder formed into a human being, and there ain't nothin' wrong with that. I must admit, though, I do keep hoping he'll end every episode with a lame pun, like he did when he was hosting "Beyond Belief". "Is this tale of a starship crew tormented by a trickster god true? Or is it... too out of this world?"<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid129.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid129.jpg" title="" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (Nice hat.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"> WILL SCARLET:</span> Worf is put into the Scarlet role here, which is great, because the costumers chose to go with the classic “foppish dandy” Will, a choice we haven’t really seen to its full extent. Well, except in the ‘39 movie. But they were all dandies. Worf is Worf wherever you put him, though, and he still kicks ass. Nice to see a Will with some personality. And of course he gets the funny lines, including “I protest! I am NOT a merry man!” and “Nice legs… um… for a human.” He also gets the rare pop-culture reference in Trek, when he smashes Geordi’s mandolin and apologizes, a la Belushi in Animal House.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid175.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid175.jpg" title="" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (Wah wah wahhhhhhhhhhhhh)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"> TUCK: </span>Data, of course. The priest would be the smart guy of the team, so the android gets to play him. He exposits greatly about the legend of Robin Hood. Data also gets a tiny bit of hand-to-hand combat in this one. Hand fighting with Data usually consists of him hurling someone a great distance with his robo-strength, but this time, he’s pretty evenly matched by the local guard-types. I idly wondered for a while why he’s never downloaded kung-fu into his brain. Then I wondered why he has to practice his violin. Then I remembered that he has trouble whistling, and maybe Dr. Soong programmed this trouble with music into him to give him something to strive for, and that downloading knowledge would defeat the intent of a learning positronic brain. Then I realized I was so far from Robin Hood it was ridiculous. So let’s just say Q arranged for the fantasy world to compensate for Data’s strength, and hey, at least Tuck gets to fight.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid251.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid251.jpg" title="" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (My favorite Troi moments are when someone's experiencing an emotion you can figure out by looking at their face, and she tells everybody that she "sensed it". Look, if a guy's smiling, don't brag that you sensed happiness.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"> MUCH: </span>Much doesn’t appear by name, but I’m going to say it’s Troi. Troi and Crusher don’t get Robin Hood names, probably because Q (or the writers) were too lazy to look up any extra Merry Men. But I’m saying it’s Troi because Much is useless and annoying and hardly does anything helpful, and Troi, well… You know.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/captainsholiday131.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/captainsholiday131.jpg" title="" width="347" height="265" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (Yes, I could have shown you her in her Marian outfit. But then you wouldn't see Patrick Stewart's short shorts. And would you really be happy?)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"> MARIAN:</span> Marian is played here by Picard’s old friend Vash, whom he had hit-and-quit some time ago. She's a great version of Marian, though, strong, self reliant, and absolutely capable of surviving and escaping without the help of Robin Hood. She's actually got the situation so well in hand that when Picard arrives to help, he just messes everything up. She even agrees to marry Sir Guy, flirting with him to influence his decisions, a theme we'll see every twelve minutes or so on the current BBC series.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid148.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid148.jpg" title="" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (You will never win, Hood! For you see, I have a more feathery hat than you.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"> SHERIFF:</span> Q gives himself this role, of course. It’s actually the best interpretation of the ol’ S.O.N. I’ve seen in a long time. See, in order to keep it fun, Q made his dream world independent of himself, so that even he didn’t know what was going to happen. Therefore, when Vash gets her own way out of the predicament Q put her in, he has to turn Sir Guy against her with trickery and wit. I love the idea of a Sheriff who’s manipulating his bosses to serve his own ends. So 10 points to Roddenberry house.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid143.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid143.jpg" title="" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (Okay, Clive... one, two, three - SNEER!)</span> <span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />SIR GUY:</span> Played by roly-poly character actor Clive Revill, making him the first and only person to be in both Star Trek and Star Wars. Until Lucas edited him out in the Special Editions, that is. This is very much a Rathbone Guy, a wealthy aristocrat after Robin Hood’s sloppy sec… no, that’s tasteless. Robin Hood’s erstwhile paramour. He manages to be the sleaziest and creepiest Guy yet. Yes, even more than Armitage. At least that oily freak was actually trying instead of just locking the girl in a tower.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid033.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid033.jpg" title="" /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(THIS. This is the man.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"> THE MAN: </span>Jesus, how much time do you think Q has? The answer is all the time that is possible, because he’s immortal and omnipotent. Point is, he’s not gonna bother to put in the whole dang monarchy.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid145.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid145.jpg" title="" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> ("Look, captain, I'm gonna level with you. I don't know squat about actual doctoring. I mostly just point a blue laser at it until it heals.")</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"> OTHER MERRY MEN:</span> Dr. Crusher gets a hat, so she counts. She also bandages Worf’s wound at one point, which is nice, because hey, Doctor, so let’s use our skills. Geordi is Alan-a-Dale, which is weird, since he's not particularly musical, but not so non-musical that it seems like an intentional joke. The only thing I can think of is in the magnificent episode "Disaster", where the crew is trapped in four distinct groups during a critical systems failure and has to deal with situations way out of their league. The episode opens with Crusher and Geordi in the cargo bay, with Crusher desperately trying to get Geordi to audition for her on-ship production of "The Pirates of Penzance". Geordi awkwardly mumbles the opening lines of the Major General song, and protests that he sucks, which he does. This raises many questions. How does the Chief Medical Officer have enough time on her hands to direct a musical? Shouldn't she be going after actors with more less demonds on their time than the Chief Engineer? Why is she so adamant that he play the part when, of all the roles in all of Gilbert and Sullivan, there is not one that LeVar Burton is less suited to than Major General Stanley? Why are they discussing this when one of them is on duty? What is the Chief Engineer doing in the cargo bay? Shouldn't he be somewhere around the engines? The list goes on. In the same episode, Worf had to deliver a baby, Picard had to escort children around the ship, and Troi had to be of some consequence, so it was still a pretty good one.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid140.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/q-pid140.jpg" title="" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (See, if it were me, I'd go for the horse. "BUT THAT WOULD BE WITHOUT HONOR." Okay, Jeez. Inside voice, Worf. "SORRY.")</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"> OTHER VILLAINS:</span> See “The Man” for more information. Actually, I guess Vash technically counts as a villain. She sells out the captain at the drop of a hat, and only helps anyone when it benefits her. And given that she only came so she could go on an illegal raid… DAMN! This might be the only Robin Hood version ever when Marian is a bad guy. Rock the hell on.<br /><br /><a href="http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.create&editor=True"><img src="http://c1.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/104/l_b92b42bbb6874bbe83e996ef89b9d8a8.jpg" mce_src="http://c1.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/104/l_b92b42bbb6874bbe83e996ef89b9d8a8.jpg" title="" width="325" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (Was this strange tale of a tobacco executive giving people rectal cancer from beyond the grave the truth... Or are we just blowing smoke up your ass?")</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">COMING UP NEXT</span> : "The Story of Robin Hood and his Merrie Men", a 1955 live-action entry from Disney starring some really unfortunate-looking folks, and some decent-looking folks with unfortunate hairstyles.Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-515494236333988225.post-86405444611883774742009-06-04T15:43:00.000-07:002009-06-07T20:19:07.310-07:00Under The Hood: Part 9 - The Outlaws of Sherwood<span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" >THE OUTLAWS OF SHERWOOD</span> <span style="font-weight: bold;">(1988)</span><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/1outlaws.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/1outlaws.jpg" title="" /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(I’d really like to know what Robin’s looking at, seeing as how the other guy seems to be looking at something a lot more dangerous.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">PLOT </span>- Robin, the poor forester son of a poor forester, is on his way to the fair, hoping to enter the archery contest. But trouble comes in the form of a HOODLUM. This HOODLUM got the assistant (to the) chief forester job, and he’s feelin’ like hot shit. So he and his HOODLUM (Okay, I’ll stop) friends commence to razzing Robin about what a crap archer he is and he flips out and kills them. I’m just kidding. He only kills one of them (The chief HOO… I mean RASCAL), and it’s an accident. He means to just spook the guy and figures the arrow won’t even reach him, but he even sucks at sucking and it hit’s the poor bastard right in the heart. This is the closest we’ve come yet to the oldest Robin Hood origin, except that in that, he actually does kill the guy for no real reason. Any old how, Robin naturally goes on the lam after this , living in his friend Much’s attic for a time, until he decided to run off to the woods. Much joins him, and brings a few other folks on the wrong side of the law along. And Robin’s all “Dude! How do I effectively hide in the forest with all these people here?” and Much is all “Duh. You become a freedom fighter and symbol of hope to the oppressed Saxons.” and Robin’s all “Nuh-UH! Not even!” and Much is all “Well, what the hell else are you gonna do?”<br /><br />So Robin lives in the woods happily ever after. FACE! He actually starts taking in all sorts of other refugees from the sheriff, stealing food and whatnot, and finding homes for them in other villages. But, as Much realizes, if you’re stealing food, why not also steal some ill-gotten money already? Spread that around, you’re hurting the man and helping the poor. Anyway, things escalate from there in the usual way. After a while the Sheriff decides that’s quite enough of this nonsense thank you so much, and hires a badass from out of town to take down the Hood gang in the most stunningly violent episode of any Robin Hood I’ve seen or read. Not bad for a “young adult” book.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/chris.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/chris.jpg" title="" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(This man purports to be the cover model for the book. And since he signs my paychecks, I have no reason to disbelieve him.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">THE GOOD </span>- In a book, they get to spend more time on each individual part of the story, which is nice. For example, the bridge fight between Robin Hood and Little John. In the average movie, they bump into each other, have a brief tiff about who gets to cross, and fight. In this book, we get details like Robin was in a bad mood in the first place and therefore not paying attention, John was a quarter of the way across when Robin started, and stopped to watch him. Thus John was there first, but Robin was farther, giving them both a legitimate claim to pass. (I also like that John stays where he is when Robin walks back to the other side and spends five minutes or so cutting himself a staff.) There’s also a lot more freedom to go into subplots, which is nice, even if said subplots are occasionally kind of lame.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/cyoa047.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/cyoa047.jpg" title="" width="274" height="461" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(I am not reviewing this book. But if anyone has a copy, I REALLY REALLY want it.)</span> <span style="font-weight: bold;">THE BAD</span> - The subplots are, for the most part, incredibly lame. Lots of business about Marian’s wooing and Will’s sister and other stuff of no interest to the main story. And while the time they can take to tell the story is good, there’s about seventy pages here and there that could be snipped without much loss to the book in general. The part where Marian is injured and Little John has to sneak her off to Tuck’s place in the company of some circus folk is particularly draggy. On the other hand, the book does have circus folk, which is an improvement on most versions of the tale.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/n23000357_30819935_2631.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/n23000357_30819935_2631.jpg" title="" /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Beth, I swear I will return this book to you soon. And after only two years! Less, even!)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">THE OTHERWISE WORTHY OF MENTION </span>- The characters all talk in a semi-formalistic and extremely wordy manner that almost always works wonderfully by making it sound old-fashioned without using a load of thees and thous. But sometimes there are moments where it gets jarring/obnoxious, particularly when used in the narration. Oh, and they say ‘sennight’ a lot. Just say ‘week,’ you jackasses. Another side effect is the fact that a lot of parts wind up being pretty hilarious out of context.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/robin-3.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/robin-3.jpg" title="" /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Ah, the Mego company. They pretty much held the monopoly on action figures in the '70s. But how far they fall... Well, I'll show you later.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">ROBIN </span>- I like this one, because the major facet of his personality is that he sucks. He is a terrible archer, the worst in the band. In fact, his sucking at archery is what gets him outlawed in the first place. He has a tendency to get mopey and introspective, and would rather ensure the safety of his men than steal from anyone. So when he does go out a-robbing, he’s doing it thoughtfully and seriously. His mopeyness is actually what gives him his outlaw name, even. It’s raining, and Robin’s pouting, and Much is trying to convince him to start calling himself Sheriff-Bane, and Robin flips his hood up and says “Might as well be Robin-of-the-Hood. It’s rains enough here, God knows.” Then Lucy pulls the football away from him and he sighs over the little red-haired girl. No, seriously… I mean in sooth, he takes his life as it comes, and it actually makes him one of my favorite Robins. Oh, and they make reference to the fact that he can’t grow a decent beard. I feel you, man.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/john-2.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/john-2.jpg" title="" /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(The weird thing is he's no taller than Robin, since they just made one body and stuck different heads on them.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">LITTLE JOHN</span> - Someone’s got a crush on Little John, and her name is Robin McKinley. I have learned, in what passes for research here at the Brian Lynch Academy of Lazy Blogging, that McKinley’s husband is several years her senior, and that nearly every one of her books features a female protagonist that falls in love with an older man. Now, there’s no option for that sort of shenannigation here, unless we want to make some very serious changes to the legend, but McK makes up for it by spending luxurious paragraphs on John’s beard and his serious, wise attitude, and how he’s best at most stuff, etcetera. It comes to a really creepy head when he has to go to a fair posing as a wrestler, donning tight pants and oiling up his muscles.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/scarlet-1.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/scarlet-1.jpg" title="" /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Mego Will adds even more to the characters traditional lack of camouflage with a snappy blue hood.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">WILL SCARLET</span> - Will is the second tallest guy in the band. He’s almost as tall and muscular as Little John. And that’s clearly important, because it’s brought up like once a chapter. Even when he’s not around. His motivations for joining the band are odd. He’s a rich man’s son, and when his beloved sister is given in marriage to a Norman, he heads off to find Robin Hood. Not to rescue his sister, as a sensible person with a reasonable grasp of narrative causality would assume. He’s just sort of given up on her. Real class act. Anyway, after joining the band, he quickly settles into the standard Will Scarlet role of third banana and hardly any personality. Hooray!<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/tuck-1.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/tuck-1.jpg" title="" /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(I like his sandals and his cottonball under the tunic padding, but what's with the creepy grin?)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">TUCK </span>- Jesus, what a sad sack. He lives in a crappy little yurt in the middle of the woods with three huge dogs named Beauty, Bright Eyes, and I forget the last, so I’m gonna guess Henslowe. It’s probably Henslowe. Anyway, Tuck never joins the band proper, just sort of hangs around on the outskirts moping, lending a hand when someone needs medical help or needs to get married or whatever. His clothes are crappy, he’s old and fat, and the big final battle with Guy takes place at his place and Henslowe gets killed. Kinda depressing here.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/happypotsie-01-1.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/happypotsie-01-1.jpg" title="" width="224" height="290" /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(What, you didn't actually think they made a Much figure, did you?)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">MUCH </span>- Second good Much in a row. Yikes. The last one was not annoying, this one takes it a step further by being smart. We keep this up, the next one’s gonna have to be a capable fighter. Well, let’s not go nuts. But yeah, Much is the one who convinces Robin to go from being an outlaw to being an Outlaw. His basic point is that the people need a hero, and you’re a dead man walking anyway, so you might as well be one. For the rest of the book, he’s the morale booster and resident snarker, good for spotting flaws in plans, and keeping everyone inspired with his enthusiasm for madcap superheroics. He’s kind of like Marco from Animorphs that way. Hey, I keep my references classy here.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/mego_guenivere-1.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/mego_guenivere-1.jpg" title="" width="279" height="411" /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Sure she's poorly constructed and her only accessory was probably a hairbrush, but any Mego female was made in such low numbers she's probably worth about five thousand dollars today.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">MARIAN </span>- She’s Robin’s childhood friend in this. The hoops McKinley jumps through to have the poor forester be friends with the rich dude’s daughter are contrived, but in a way that you juuuuuust barely manage to not care about. She helps convince Robin to be a hero, and helps with getting supplies and clothes for everyone in the early days. She also gets a lot of private attention. Probably because this was written by a lady, said the sexist blogger. In addition to the standard “Oh I love Robin so much, but he leads the hard life of an outlaw,” we are treated to an interminable subplot about her wooing at the hands of a dweeby little twerp called Nigel. There are whole chapters wasted on whether she’s going to choose the sniveling pencil pusher over the childhood sweetheart/superhero. Gee, what do you think?<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/penguin-1.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/penguin-1.jpg" title="" /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Even before I decided to use toys for this review, I pictured him pretty much like The Penguin. I know, it's weird.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">SHERIFF </span>- Fun stuff with the Sheriff, though he’s barely in this one at all. The book takes the position that Robin and the gang are more like a nuisance to the powerful and important Sheriff than anything really bad. After all, they’re small potatoes in the grand scheme of things. It’s only after they prevent him from taking some land by paying off a mortgage with money stolen from his coffers (their first big job) that he really gets his knightly knickers in a knot. And then his whole business model is pretty much the standard “Hire more foresters, hunters, and soldiers of increasingly poor skill until I get REALLY mad and decide to hire…”<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/daveyc-1.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/daveyc-1.jpg" title="" width="268" height="307" /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Gisbourne! Guyyyyy of Gisbourne! King of the wild frontier!)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">SIR GUY</span> - The classic Guy shows up at last! See, Sir Guy wasn’t always “Sir“. In fact, I believe Sir Tons du Fun from the silent masterpiece was the first to carry the knightly title, but like I said, I barely do any research. In ye olde ballads, however, Guy was a drooling mercenary who showed up in the woods wearing most of a horse, and Robin beheaded him and stole his pants. He is introduced as a bounty hunter whose reputation strikes fear into the hearts of all who hear his name. Like Boba Fett. When he strikes, he is swift, capable, effective, and deadly. Like the opposite of Boba Fett.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/kingarthur.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/kingarthur.jpg" title="" width="310" height="490" /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Even in mustache and unitard, he's still less creepy than the Burger King.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">THE MAN </span>- I don’t remember if John played a part in this at all. If he did, it wasn‘t important. I think they mentioned how he speaks better English than his brother or something. But that brother sure played a part. Ol’ Couer de Leon shows up at the end, like he usually does. Only, you know how usually when he shows up at the end, it’s to bestow some marriages, punish the wicked, and pay for Sean Connery’s new boat? This is kind of like that, except he shows up to depress the fuck out of everyone and be a jerk. And I can see his point for acting the way he does. On the one hand, sure, Robin saved a lot of innocent, not to mention loyal subjects. But on the other hand, he did this by stealing the King’s taxes and flouting the law. So what’s his punishment to be? A term of service in the Jerusalem. Oh, great. So unlike every other Robin Hood thing, where he comes back from the Holy Land, stops the Sheriff, and gets the girl; here he gets the girl, stops the Sheriff, and leaves for the Holy Land. Where the hell does McKinley live? BACKWARDS TOWN? For the record, it’s not just Robin who gets bent over like Berengaria. The others… What? Spellcheck doesn’t recognize blog, snark, Boba, dweeby, kinda, gonna, or spellcheck, but it’s fine with Berengaria? Huh. Anyway, the others are all shipped off, too. And I mean all. The women go along as cooks, except for Marian and one other, who will be soldiers; and Alan and Much, who were crippled in the fight with Guy, (Alan will never play again, of course. McKinley seems to subscribe to the Joss Whedon school of do horrible things to your supporting cast.) go along as scribe and quartermaster, respectively. (I should add that the ending is not free of all happiness. Robin and Marian are together after all, and Robin is made heir to the lands he saved from the Sheriff. It is also not free of girl-powery contrivance; as Marian goes as a soldier after turning down a job as new Sheriff.) So anyway, the King’s kind of a jerk, but he tries in his own jerky way to give the happiest ending his stupid, jerky king brain knows how.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/ls01-1.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/ls01-1.jpg" title="" /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Sure, why not?)</span><br /><br />OTHER MERRY MEN - Well, there’s <span style="font-weight: bold;">Jocelyn</span>, who against all probability is a man. And then there's <span style="font-weight: bold;">Rafe</span>, which is how Ralph Feinnes would spell his name if he paid attention in English class. They’re one of a few random names that show up every so often, just enough to give you a sense of the main characters actually knowing who everyone else in the woods is, and avoid a situation like Lost where every important thing happens to a core group and everyone else just sort of hangs out. Speaking of the core group, <span style="font-weight: bold;">Alan-a-Dale</span> gets his I’m-not-legendary-but-I’m-damn-close on in this book. They tie together two classic legends, using the breakup of Alan’s love’s wedding to a knight to rob from said knight, and use his money to pay the mortgage of <span style="font-weight: bold;">Sir Richard at the Lee</span>. (Who if I’ve never mentioned him before, is Robin’s foremost noble supporter in the old tales, and was Marion’s father in Robin of Sherwood.) Alan reacts to the outlaw life with enthusiasm that far surpasses his ability, and his wife reacts with enthusiasm that equals her ability, which is to say none.<br /><br /><a href="http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.create&editor=True"><img src="http://c2.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/67/l_43a81cc3017a419caf2c1b6e8094eb0d.gif" mce_src="http://c2.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/67/l_43a81cc3017a419caf2c1b6e8094eb0d.gif" title="" width="208" height="301" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(OBSCURE JOKE!)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">OMG SPOILERS YOU GUYS -</span> At one point, a boy named <span style="font-weight: bold;">Cecil </span>joins the gang. He kind of sucks at everything, doesn’t talk much, and is nervous around the ladies. But he’s small, sneaky, keen, and his self-haircut is adorable, so Little John takes the lad under his wing and trains him. And he seems to really like being under John’s wing… a little too much. Just when it seems we’re about to bust through with some more of the Robin Hood legend’s signature “Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” Cecil is revealed to be Cecily, Will’s little sister! She didn’t marry that Norman after all! Which Will would know if he ever called or anything. Anyway, Cecily insists on continuing her training, and after this point, the book has a depressing tendency to turn into Cecily Presents the Cecily Show Starring Cecily. In Cecily, McKinley finds herself more in her element, writing about a young lady committing daring acts while mooning over an older man, and it’s all nicely done, but the absolute shift in main character is shocking. It’s one thing to spend the occasional chapter following Marian around, but quite another thing to have Robin disappear from the book entirely for five chapters.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/loveboat-1.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/loveboat-1.jpg" title="" /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(THIS is how far they fell. Love Boat action figures.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">OTHER VILLAINS</span> - None, really. The villains aren’t really the focus, and other than the Sheriff’s weaselly friend and the guy who’s trying to marry Alan’s girl, there’s not really anything to speak of. And they’re boring. Guy’s henchmen and the Sheriff’s foresters get no personality, and I’ve already said all there is to say about the HOOLIGANS.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/robinhood.jpg" mce_src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/robinhood.jpg" title="" /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Cavort, cavort, cavort, cavort...)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">AND NOW, SOME HILARIOUS OUT OF CONTEXT LINES</span> -<br /><br />“What a disappointment,” Much said, “For mine is the shortest in the company.”<br /><br />“Here, you’ll have more use for this,” said Tuck, and thrust the sticky knob at Rafe.<br /><br />“She does it obliquely.”<br /><br />“I find,” Cecil said sheepishly, “That I miss sausages.”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">COMING UP NEXT </span>- Hey, who wants to finally read about that Star Trek episode? I hope you do, because otherwise, you’re gonna be disappointed.Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-515494236333988225.post-58236358161364676352008-11-19T20:02:00.000-08:002008-11-19T23:06:32.659-08:00Under the Hood: Part 8 - Robin Hood, Season One<span style="font-weight: bold;">ROBIN HOOD: SERIES 1 (2006)</span><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/r14a5_miiA8&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/r14a5_miiA8&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (Can't find the official theme tune on YouTube, but frankly, I like this better.)</span><br /><br />I first came across this show shortly after getting cast in faire.I was flipping through the channels and found it on BBC America and flipped back to it a few times during commercials on Jepoardy!. It's this kind of behind-the-scenes stuff that makes this blog so worth reading.<br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/RobinHood_1x01_WillYouTolerateThis_.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (It's a bit of a handicap, not being able to see. At least I'd think so. And thank God he stopped wearing those chaps after this episode.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">THE EXTREMELY LONG DESCRIPTION OF THE PLOT OF THE PILOT:</span> Yeah, you just try to get through the first 15 minutes of this without retching. The first bit, where Robin and Much save Alan from soldiers after he’s caught poaching is fine, until you find out that they were just passing by and are not yet outlaws living in the forest, so the system of ropes Much is using to make the soldiers think they’re surrounded is a leeetle unbelievable. Then the two of them walk through the woods, where we learn that Robin is a noble back from the Crusades and Much is his servant. They stop off for a break at a weaver’s house, which seems to be missing walls, the more dramatically for his cloth to flap. Robin starts making out with the 30-something weaver’s 20-something daughter, who looks to be in her ‘30s because she’s wearing too damn much makeup. Weaver and Robin swordfight, there’s some backflipping… Oh, god, we’re only 10 minutes in. So Bobby H and the Muchster head back to Locksley, which is looking like a ghost town. Rob talks to Dan Scarlet, which I find to be a hilarious name for some reason, and says hi to his insanely boring kids, Will and Luke. Dan, the best carpenter in town, had his hand whacked off after taking the blame for his kids stealing some food. The ungrateful little bastards haven’t learned their lesson, though, because the oily, unshaven, sleazy lord of the Manor, one Guy de Gisbourne, comes a-ridin’ on in looking for some stolen grain.<br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/Giz.jpg" /><br />Guy is an absolutely hideous example of humanity, and immediately commences to the arresting and hand-choppery, all the while bearing a crooked sneer, bad hair, and a flop sweat. I‘m sure the first fawning websites and romantic fan fic were up halfway through this scene. Robin stops him and tells him to step the fuck off, it‘s my Locksley now, bitch. Guy skulks away, but that’s not really his fault. Skulk and rampage are like his only two settings. And there’s your 15 minutes. Robin and Much return home, and Robin goes off to see his good pal the Sheriff. But the old Sheriff has lost his position and taken up a job as Old Coot, with his daughter Marian as Robin-hating doorperson. She will have none of this flirting thank you so much. Next day, Robin heads off to Nottingham town for the council of nobles. The town is as empty as Locksley was, and much is made of it, though every other time we see the town in the series, it’s downright bustling, so I guess the extras budget was expanded. Either that, or outlawry bolsters the economy. Gisbourne is seen complaining to the new Sheriff about his treatment at the hands of the guy whose house he was living in, and the Sheriff, a big ball of catchphrases that studied at the Brian Blessed Academy of Hammery, berates Gisbourne, as Sheriffs are so fond of doing. Hood gives everyone a lesson in supply-side economics, thus proving himself to be a fiscal conservative, and a social liberal. Sherrif tax-and-spend gets angry and decides to execute all the Locksley prisoners, (now including Alan-a-Dale, who got caught again and figured claiming to be Alan-a-Locksley might get him rescued again.) and Robin will read out the charge. On execution day, Robin’s attempt to save everyone with legal loopholes fails, and as the prisoners dangle helplessly, his face begins to glow and he spins around, thumps a guard, steals his bow, and shoots the nooses down, all the while shouting his new mission statement. It’s actually pretty cool. Much is taken hostage, and Robin throws a broadsword about 30 yards and knocks out the two men holding him. This is silly, but also cool. Then a guy holds Robin at arrow point and Marian throws one of her hairpins through the guy’s hand from the balcony. This is just stupid. Our Heroes escape, the Scarlets run off somewhere, though we can assume at least one of them will be back, and Robin and Much settle down in the forest. Soon they are accosted by a big hairy guy and his outlaw band, and here we end our episode.<br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/TimeMachine.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> ("Nice pants. Where'd you get them?" "Time machine." "Cool.")</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />THE BAD:</span> I’m starting off bad, because the show is good, and I’d rather end positive so you could keep that in mind. The worst of the bad is the show’s love for modern times. Not so much in the look of it, which is aggressively modern, what with the hair gel and the scruffy beards, and the fact that Marian’s whole wardrobe seems to be from the Gap. I’m used to that sort of thing, and at least the show’s look is consistent. No, the problem lies in the shows desperate need for relevance. Time and time again, the show awkwardly tries to cleverly mirror the modern world. And it sucks at it. Taxes, prisoners of war, fighing over the Holy Land, and other typical Robin Hood fare is paralelled with the modern age with all the subtlety of having John Goodman dropped on you playing the tuba. I'm amazed there's not a running plot about the high price of horse food. Oh, and you or he could be playing the tuba. I'm not picky.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/RobinHood_1x01_WillYouTolerateTh-1.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (Wocka wocka.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />THE GOOD:</span> Sometimes, the show remembers to be fun! When it's a crazy funny actiony show, it's fabulous. The acting is great, particularly from Robin, Much, and Alan. The sheriff is hilariously over-the-top. Most of the reworking of classic characters is done smoothly. You know what? Saving the good for later was dumb. Good isn't funny.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/RobinHood_1x11_DeadManWalking_1002-.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (Little John is so strong, he gets imprisoned using the same methods Rasputin used on Hellboy.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />THE OTHERWISE WORTHY OF MENTION:</span> Everybody wears freakin’ scarves on this show. It’s not really distracting, and they work with the costumes, mostly, but still. Scarves everywhere. And I almost put this under “The Bad”, but it has no real effect on the episodes, so it’s here. The cutesy titles. See if you can guess the episode title from the plot description.<br /><br />1- The Sheriff is cutting out the tongues of all the people in Locksley. One an hour until Robin turns himself in.<br />2- An assassin is gunning for the Sheriff and accidentally claiming innocent lives, and the populace thinks Robin is to blame.<br />3- The sight of Sir Guy’s tattoo marks him as the man who tried to kill King Richard, and Robin sets out for revenge.<br />4- Robin and his friends are conned by the Sheriff’s taxman while they think he’s helping them.<br />5- Roy is forced to betray Robin and the band to save his mother’s life, while the band is trying to protect a baby left by Gisbourne to die in the woods.<br /><br />A- “Tattoo? What Tattoo?”<br />B- “Sheriff Got Your Tongue?”<br />C- “The Taxman Cometh”<br />D- “Parent Hood”<br />E- “Who Shot the Sheriff?”<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/Robin-1.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (He's better than he looks. But then, he'd have to be.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />ROBIN </span>: He’s a great microcosm of the whole show. As played by Jonas Armstrong (As opposed to Joe Armstrong, who plays Alan. I guess it’s like smith over there), he can be alternatively fantastic and annoying. When the show‘s in a good mood, he’s one of the best Robins ever. Fun loving, acrobatic, and a master of trick archery. When the show’s in a bad mood, he’s a smug douchebag, his archery is a lame gimmick, his fighting is pathetically modern, and his stupid haircut becomes his stupid stupid stupid haircut. He’s a dedicated pacifist after being exposed to so much horrible bloodshed in the Crusade, now outright refusing to kill. But he convinces the Sheriff that he would if he had to. This kicks off a whole lot of “Well, if you do this, I’ll do that” back and forth upper-hand-getting until Robin Hood and the Sheriff have essentially the same relationship as Inspector Gadget and Doctor Claw. “I’ll get you next time, Locksley! NEXT TIIIIIIME!”<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/john.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (I hate his hair more than anyone's. It's not even that modern, it just bugs me for some reason.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />LITTLE JOHN</span> : I’ve called out past Little Johns for coming off as stupid, but this is the first time that I feel it was done on purpose. Anyway, As per usual, he’s the leader of a small band of outlaws in the forest that Robin takes over. As per unusual, there’s no bridge fight. His guys just jump Robin, Much, and Alan in the forest. They’re stripped and tied up and called fancy-lads, then Will rescues them and they jump the others and strip them, then the other guys come back from it and strip… Well, there’s a lot of homoerotic episode-padding on this series in general. Given the amount this comes up, I’m beginning to think gay subtext is as inseparable to Robin Hood as it is to Fight Club. His catchphrase is a tendency to make big pronouncements in a Yoda-esque fashion, like “KILLING… we do not do.” or “TAX MEN… we do not like” and presumably “BATHS… I do not take.” He’s got a fun example of when the show finally became more good than bad. See, in the early episodes, he was just “John”, and the son he never knew, born after he was outlawed years before the show starts, is called “Little John” in his honor. That’s basically the creators’ way of saying “There’s your little treat, fan boys, now feck off, we’re making SERIOUS RELEVANT DRAMA. We’ve no time for silly nicknames.” Then halfway through the season, everyone’s calling him Little John, because that’s what he’s called, you stupid asses. Now stop with the moping and make with the ziplines.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/WallScarlet-1.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (Here's a picture of a wall, which I like because... oh, hi, Will. Didn't see you there.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />WILL SCARLET</span> : Who? Oh right, the guy with the mustache. Forgot about him. Seriously, though, he’s so boring. He’s the son of the local carpenter in Locksley, and occasionally uses his knowledge of carpentry to save the day. Also he fights with two axes. And um… that’s it? There’s an attempt to give him a personality later by having him admit that he’s in love with Jack (That is actually not as gay as it sounds.) but guess how much nothing is ever made of that.<br /><br /><img src="http://logo.cafepress.com/4/1221917.2111384.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />TUCK </span>: Gone daddy gone. They claim the reason for not including Tuck is that a comedy relief character would be out of place, but we’ve seen plenty of serious Tucks, and the show’s pretty damn goofy anyway, so I’d guess the real reason is to avoid offending religious types. Pussies.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/Much-1.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (Much likes to eat and sleep, and complains a lot, and dresses like this... Much is basically a</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">Hobbit</span>.)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">MUCH </span>: Much isn’t in this. Well, there’s someone called Much. But he’s not annoying or useless. So he can’t be. He’s funny and well-liked, and while he’s still not a great fighter or thinker, he can certainly hold his own. Oh, also he’s not a miller’s son. Or a miller’s anything. Or an anyone’s anything. What he is is Robin’s servant, and has been since they were children. In return for his faithful service in ye Holy Land, Robin is intending on giving him the estate on Bonchurch, which is apparently a suburb of Locksley or something. Then they get outlawed, so tough noogies to him. He gets captured by the Sheriff once (Yes, only ONCE!), and the Sheriff frees him and gives him the estate and earldom. He hires a girl to spy on Much, but she falls for him, and he falls for her, and holy crap, Much is getting really good plots devoted to him. This shit is bananas.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/Marian.jpg" /></span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (Probably the least anachronistic thing she's ever worn)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />MARIAN </span>: A higher social ranker than the other Marians, as she’s Queen Bitch of Crabbyland. Seriously, Robin comes back from the crusades, and he’s all trying to get flirty with her, and she’s having none of it. And I know I’ve said I like a Marian who’s the inside man, but not if she complains about it this much. She’s all holier-than-thou to Robin because she’s been helping folks at home while he’s been off Crusading. And help them she does, as the masked Night Watchman, who beats up guards, and gives food and money to people and basically does all the stuff Robin does, only with boobs and a mask. Speaking of, It’s amazing how many times Gisbourne fights her, and believes she’s a man. She’s not hiding anything there. Special skills: Crabbing, whining, complaining, naysaying, gainsaying, backflips, and promising to marry people. All joking aside, her denial of Robin despite her obvious attraction and her attraction to Gisbourne despite all common sense is kind of refreshing, and having the two of them chase after her is better than 13 episodes of Robin Bond and Maid Moneypenny.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/Alan.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (Just try to ignore the hair.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />ALAN A DALE</span> : Man, Alan’s great. He’s the first character we see, by dint of being the poacher Robin and Much save. He spins a yarn about his wife and kids to get out of it, despite not having either. This is Alan’s major character trait: that he is a liar, and a dang good one. He’ll try to talk his way out of anything. Also, he’s completely unmusical. Given that the two best characters so far have been the farthest from the classic interpretations, I can’t help but wonder if the show wouldn’t have been better off just changing everyone’s name and going by the title “The Forest Outlaws”. Hair report: The modernest of all, but I like him, so he gets a free pass. Catchphrase: The least annoying one. He prefaces a criticism or an observation with “Look, I’m not being funny, but…”<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/robin_hood_s2i.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (Little Miss Can't Be Wrong)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />JACK </span>: Whose name is apparently spelled “Djaq”, but I think that’s silly. She’s the lady-type of the gang and the Moor-type as well. So there’s a twofer. Since she’s two minorities, she’s super-pretty, super-capable, a super-genius, and all the boys are in love with her. Well, Will and Alan like her lots, but as I said, It’s not an issue. Maybe next season. The political correctness is INSANE here. Jack, despite not having a career of her own, is an accomplished physician, not to mention a chemist capable of making gunpowder out of shit the Sheriff keeps lying around. She literally is flawless. Same goes for the other Saracen with a speaking role this season, who‘s a brilliant peacemaker who can sure insanity with accupuncture, despite never having done it before.. This show is just so afraid of offending Arabs they don’t seem willing to portray a single flaw. Of course, they don’t seem too willing to hire them, either. Both named, speaking Saracen characters are played by actors of Indian descent. My guess is the casting directors watch Lost.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/Sheriff-1.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (More catchphrases than an episode of Little Britain.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />SHERIFF </span>:This somewhat Schryvery lookin’ fella is just a fantastic Sheriff. He has no motivations, morals, or redeeming qualities. None. At all. Whatsoever. And it works fantastically. Like I’ve been saying, the show works when it’s over the top, and this guy is nothing but. And when I say no motivations, I mean it. It’s like he just walked into the castle, realized he was playing the Sheriff on a show called Robin Hood, and by gar, that’d make it EVIL TIME. Time to be EVIL. As I mentioned before, he attains several victories over Robin, mostly by doing something what else but apeshit crazy. Like pouring acid on Gisbourne’s arm to remove an incriminating tattoo. Nice. He’s played by actor/comedian/musician/documentarian Keith Allen, <a href="http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1255630606668114621">who is awesome</a>. Also, he gets multiple catchphrases. The dismissive: “Oh, la dee dah dee dah.” The mocking: “[Rhetorical yes/no question]? A clue… NO.” And the angry: “You blithering oaf!”<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/Smug-1.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (My guess is his legion of lady fans are also the ones who drippily fawn over </span><a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/phantomoftheopera_rossumbutlerinlin.jpg" target="_self">a certain deformed stalker/murderer with a psycho crush, willing to run your life into the ground so you'll have no choice but to stay with them.</a><span style="font-style: italic;"> Oh, that's ROMANTIC.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />SIR GUY</span> : Is Gisbourne French for “Seen it, and better done, too”? Well, it can’t be, because that only really applies in this case. But honestly the only part of this Sir Guy that’s original is his ridiculous leather outfit. He’s the captain of the guards who’s ashamed of his landless status like the Robin of Sherwood Guy. He’s a noble who wants to marry Marian like Basil Rathbone. And he tried to kill the king in the Holy Land like Spooky Doughballs. Also he’s a big mopey jerk who tries to bully, trick, and blackmail Marian into marrying him while performing such acts as impregnating a servant girl and leaving their baby to die in the forest, then beating her up when she asks him about it. Needless to say, he’s got a devoted female fan base. This is probably because he’s played by the dreamy Richard Armitage, and however much they ugly him up, his budget-Hugh Jackman good looks come through. Armitage has said in interviews that he wanted the audience to feel uncomfortable when Guy is around Marian, with his leering glances and oily, unshaven romance. But fan girls have never let the clear intentions of writers, directors, and actors get in the way of their vision. GUY + MARIAN OTP!!!!<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/TRAP.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (I accuse YOU of being the Master of Mischief! Also, I think my jokes are getting too obscure for my own good.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />THE MAN</span>: Always a presence, if never seen, for both of them. Richard is off fighting his Crusade, and hasn't been seen by anyone in England for so long, the Sheriff's able to use an impostor king in his eeeeeevil plot. Speaking of, there's reference that Ol' Notty is working very closely with Prince John, and John might be behind Gizzy's attempted offing of His Royal Frenchiness. So basically Ricky good, Johnny bad, let's mention them occasionally and get on with the show.<br /><br /><img src="http://gickr.com/results4/anim_37234a09-ce6c-6574-a93f-0476028e45fb.gif" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (Roy, about to meet his predictable fate.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />OTHER MERRY MEN</span>: ROY! ROY ROY ROY! ROY ROY ROYYYYYYY! <span style="font-weight: bold;">Roy</span>’s neat. He’s one of Little John’s outlaws, and a full-time band member. For a while, he just handles the complainy crab-ass role, but soon develops an interesting and creative personality. Then he’s killed. Womp womp wahhhhhhhh. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Tom-a-Dale</span> joins the band in one episode, only to thoroughly cock up and get killed. He’s sort of like Alan if he completely gave in to all his vices, and his hanging would have been one of the more melodramatic if it weren’t tempered by one of the Sheriff’s all-time Magnificent Bastard moments: He announces the time of the hanging, knowing that Robin will try to save his men. Robin and the band go in, suspecting a trap, but not suspecting that Tom and his friends had been hung an hour prior to the announced time. Oh. Snap. And I guess I should give a shout-out to <span style="font-weight: bold;">Sir Someone of Someplace</span>, Marian’s father and the former Sheriff of Nottingham. He lends a hand when able, but is mostly there to dither around and fret over Marian, while espousing the very valid ‘Well, what the hell can WE do about it?’ point of view. Oh, and they get attacked by <span style="font-weight: bold;">a camo-panted loon</span> with PTSD and Kill Bill fighting moves. He’s axe-crazy at the start, but the aforementioned magic Turk cures him by sticking needles into his skull, which works perfectly first try, 'cause he read a book about it once. It was not the best episode.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/dancers.jpg" /><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;">(Sure, why not?)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />OTHER VILLAINS</span>: <span style="font-weight: bold;">The sheriff’s cool black friend</span> shows up in one episode with some fancy job and title, then Guy kills him and takes it. There’s a con team consisting of <span style="font-weight: bold;">a fake tax collector</span>, <span style="font-weight: bold;">a fake black Mother Superior</span>, and <span style="font-weight: bold;">a third guy</span>. If you’re saying “Hey! I think it rather unlikely that there would be black nobles and mothers superior in 1190s England!” then you are far more concerned with historical accuracy than this show is, and if you’ve watched far enough to see them, your brain’s probably exploded with rage already. Like as soon as you saw <span style="font-weight: bold;">Alan’s hair</span>. Anyway, there were <span style="font-weight: bold;">some Saracen assassins</span> who would distract you with a sexy dance before killing you. But really that’s it.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/Robin2-1.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (Dress-up time in the outlaw camp.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />BEST LINE</span><br /><br />"You want to be loved! And I tell you something: it's not fair... I love you, and no one gives me any food. Yet people who DO NOT love you are fed. The world is wrong! We're feeding people who do not love us and... saving a man who wants us dead. [Pause.] I've changed my mind... I no longer love you. Now can I eat?"<br /><br />Much is awesome.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/gaypreg.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (Yes, you love my bendy face. Ladies, you are now pregnant. Men, you are now gay.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />WORST LINE</span><br /><br />Unfortunately, I don’t have the episode on hand, but I’m not paraphrasing too much when I tell you that there’s one bit where Guy tells Marian that “Outlaws are now considered prisoners of war, and may be held without trial,” to which she retorts something a lot like “Just because we are at war in the Holy Land does not give you the ability to suspend people’s rights at home!”<br /><br />I’m starting a new feature here in “Worst Line”, wherein I fix the offending dialogue:<br /><br />Guy: We can imprison anyone we want for any reason because we’re rich and they’re poor and it’s 1192. Besides, they’re outlaws. They quite literally are outside the protection of law. That’s where the word comes from.<br /><br />Marian: Works for me.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">COMING UP NEXT</span>: “Mine is the shortest in the company”; “Marian’s fingers paused. ‘That would not be so pleasurable.’”; all these out-of-context joys, plus Little John’s uncomfortably in-context oily, rippling muscles in “The Outlaws of Sherwood”!Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-515494236333988225.post-11667046645401849682008-09-04T18:49:00.000-07:002008-09-04T19:16:07.629-07:00Innamission: The Further Adventures of Prancibald<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4925.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4925.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Prancibald: Master planner. "I'll hang the guy on a hook, give him my arrows, pin a doodle to his chest... then get caught! I'm BRILLIANT!!"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4922.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4922.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Yeah, no kidding.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4956.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4956.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Prancey's wedding gear is from the Flash Gordon collection.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4944.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4944.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>The interchangeable nancies prepare for a singalong.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4949.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4949.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>As does the Merry Men Barbershop Glee Club.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4947.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4947.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Willard Louis cements his place as an actor of unimpeachable dignity, like <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102216/">Peter O'Toole</a>, or <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102216/">John Hurt</a>, or <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102216/">Richard Griffiths</a>.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4939.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4939.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Or <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3qg4i22x9M">Orson Welles</a>.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4950.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4950.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Yeah, I bet you will.Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-515494236333988225.post-72122897105924137152008-08-14T21:31:00.000-07:002008-08-19T19:49:19.984-07:00Under the Hood: Part 7 - Robin of SherwoodHi! Welcome to the new blog. As you can see, I’ve already put up all the old posts, and added some new pictures and whatnot to them. Readers of the old blog will notice that I’ve expanded the ‘General Thoughts” section into three bits, detailing what’s good, bad, and otherwise notable. And for TV show blogs, every main character gets a section, while they’ll just have to squat in the “Other” sections on movie blogs. Also, I’m not doing the promised Star Trek blog right away, because I figured I’d start with something a bit more… epic. So here’s the awesome and influential ITV series Robin of Sherwood. And when I say ‘influential’, I mean “Prince of Thieves” ripped it off massively. Shall we?<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">ROBIN OF SHERWOOD (1984-1986)<br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ShEfoxO10mY&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ShEfoxO10mY&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object><br /></span><br />Man, how am I suppose to write a funny entry about this? It was good. What’s the point of having a snarky blog if there’s nothing to snark about? And why does my word processor’s spell-checking software not acknowledge ‘blog’ and ‘snark’ as words? Ah well. This show was the brainchild of one Richard Carpenter, who wrote nearly every episode. It’s damned good, and has proven very influential to the Robin Hood legend, most notably by adding a Moorish outlaw to the band.<br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/robinofsherwoodcast.jpg" /><br />(<span style="font-style: italic;">Our heroes. Except the doofus up front.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">PLOT OF THE PILOT</span>: Robin of Locksley, a poor forester, stops his idiot brother Much from poaching, and are both jailed by the cruel sheriff. They hook up with Will Scarlet, a former soldier, and find themselves outlaws. But you saw that coming. He falls in love with the beautiful Lady Marion; saves her from marrying an evil wizard; frees the wizard’s bewitched slave, Little John; hooks up with Brother Tuck, a novice monk fearful of his abbot; and wins a metal dildo in an archery contest. What? Oh, a silver arrow. Sorry, I was confused on account of it being like the worst prop ever. Anyway, he kills the wizard, gets one more follower, and sets off to have some adventure burgers with action sauce. Oh, and also a god inhabiting the body of a forest shaman gives him a magic sword and declares him “The Hooded Man”, freedom fighter for all England .<br /><br />Wow. When you write that down, it looks kinda silly.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/RobinofSherwoodAlanaDaleEpisode1-41.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Yes, the show could even make </span>this<span style="font-style: italic;"> scene thrilling.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">THE GOOD</span>: Just about everything. Casting was dead-on, The fighting was prooty awesome, too. The network was concerned about violence, so thrusting with swords was out, and only slashes across the stomach were allowed. Likewise, arrows had to make clean shots into the chest or back. This sounds lame, but the stunt coordinators actually manage to make it work, with creative choreography, keeping things just offscreen, etcetera. Also, the Merry Men are frequently merry. While most ‘gritty’ or ‘realistic’ versions of the legend portray life in Sherwood as one of non-stop hardship, nearly every episode here features at least one brief scene of the outlaws training, eating together, or just goofing around. It’s nice, and allows for a lot of camaraderie and such.<br /><br /><img style="width: 399px; height: 84px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/silver_arrow.gif" /><br />(<span style="font-style: italic;">That is NOT what an arrow looks like)<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">THE BAD</span>: There is a bit. The hair, for one. There’s some really ludicrous ‘80s mullets, and the like. The fake hair is bad, too. The Sheriff’s mustache never looks quite real, and when Little John wears a wig for a few episodes… well, let’s just say you notice. Most of the bad stuff isn’t really their fault, though. Budgets and stuff. I mean, when you need to make an evil demon, and all you can afford is something that looks like a transvestite foam rubber eel, it’s an issue. Much is also really really bad, but I gots a whole section to bitch about him,<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/Herne.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Robin always wins when people talk about how weird their boss is.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">THE OTHERWISE WORTHY OF MENTION</span>: The music for the show was done by Enya’s old band, Clannad. Now, far be it from me to suggest that they weren’t pulling their weight, and gosh knows I love a good leitmotif, but there’s like four pieces of music in the series total. And you will hear each of them over and over and over again.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/sherrifhorse50red.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(I grow weary of writing captions. from now on, all captions shall be from a German fansite babelfished into English.)</span><br /><br />Also, as you have already divined (HAR!), there is MAGIC in this series. I was… hesitant about that. But it’s well done for the most part. There’s no sparkly lasers or anything like that. Robin’s boss is a god, yes, but not so much a God. And while he protects and assists Robin, It’s not like he gives the guy super powers, just a bit of prophetic guidance. So it’s okay. The only bit that didn’t work for me is a scene where God (You know, the one Tuck’s always going on about.) blinds the Sheriff for reading the Talmud. That was just silly.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/robinh.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Courageously, young, inexperienced, excellent sheet contactors.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">ROBIN:</span> I love that they fused the classic and new origins of Robin. The old character, a poor forester; with the new story, saving a poacher from guards. It starts us right off with not being quite sure what to expect of him. As it turns out, what to expect of him is a lot of what we’ve seen before. He’s sort of generic. Good leader, friendly and humorous while still authoritative, good planner, good archer, etcetera. He’s got a neat ‘chosen one’ vibe going what with the Herne connection and all, but personality-wise, he’s just the usual Robin Hood. Not that that’s a bad thing. I mean, you still like the guy, and you definitely feel it when the Sheriff kills him at the end of season 2.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/rbthood.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(An uncle is king of Scotland, an inconsiderate favourite, and then also still another half brother emerges, the tears into the eyes to really float could.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">ROBIN</span>: DID I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND? I hope not, ‘cause we got a lot to go. See, just before the end of season 2, Michael Praed was offered the role of D’Artagnan in The Three Musketeers on Broadway, and he took it, figuring for his big American break. So the producers decided to take advantage by telling the other side of the legend. Enter Jason "Son of Sean" Connery as Robert "Son of the Earl of" Huntingdon. He gets outlawed AFTER becoming Robin Hood. Nice touch. Basically, they do one episode where he tries the Zorro/Batman style “noble by day freedom fighter by night” gag (Only without a sweet cave), but then decided they’d rather be able to use all of their old ideas and he gets found out. He also gets all hot for Trott and goes after Marian, but she’s in the “I already married a Robin Hood, and look how that went” mindset. If only the show hadn’t got cancelled, there’d be some closure to that.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/john1.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Dear shank with Meg has OF Wickham, which leads to various </span>Sticheleien <span style="font-style: italic;">and </span>Reibereien<span style="font-style: italic;">.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">LITTLE JOHN</span>: At first, I figured this John for another generic type. As always, he’s big, beardy, and besticked. But I still loved him. After a while, I finally got it. The show’s creators wisely made him the emotional glue that holds the gang together. He acts as a brother or uncle to everyone on the show,. When he calls Robert ‘Robin’ for the first time, you really feel it. The portrayal of Little John as the emotional core of the team has held over to most subsequent portrayals of Little John, by which I mean Prince of Thieves ripped it off. Only instead of some ham-fisted marital squabbles and a birth scene, it’s all subtle and groovy. Speaking of marital, John gets some actual character development by way of a girlfriend. Her name is Meg. She’s all tiny, and John gets all bashful around her, which is cute. He actually intends to elope with her in one episode, but then doesn’t, because he’s fucking Little John, and you don’t do Robin Hood without him. Everyone else is expendable, (And yes, reviews sans Marian, the Sheriff, and Friar Tuck are coming.) but you need Little John. And the heart and soul of this version shows you why. Plus he hits stuff real good with his stick.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/scarlet1.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(It has also a soft core, which comes through only much too rarely.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">WILL SCARLET</span>: A former soldier who meets Robin and Much in jail, where he was put for killing three mercenaries that had attacked and murdered his wife. “‘My name was Will Scathlock,” he snarls. “But it’s Scarlet now!” Apparently Will subscribes to the Sweeney Todd revenge=random name change school of thought. Will continues to be the team crabass/wild card for the run of the series. He’s the one who will tell Robin when he’s making a stupid decision, and the one who’ll fight like a madman. Example: In one episode, he thinks he’s contracted leprosy, and when he finds out it’s all a plot of Gisburne’s, he chases him up a mountain, barefoot, unarmed, and wearing only a thin, short robe. Incidentally, that also treats us to a shot of more of Ray Winstone’s testicles than should be allowed on the telly Saturdays at teatime. The show’s portrayal of Will as an angry, impetuous man has held over to most subsequent portrayals of Will, by which I mean Prince of Thieves ripped it off. Christian Slater? Come on.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/tuck2.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(No problem has with the fact that its highest service gentleman behind the forest God Herne plays only the second violin.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />TUCK</span>: Ooh, he’s a young’un. He’s introduced as “Brother Tuck” and is Marion’s bestest buddy. He’s fat and young and shuffles around looking apologetic at everything for some reason, and then halfway through the pilot it’s ba-ba-ba-BAM and he busts out the ass-kick. He’s a formidable fighter, but they don’t go all warrior monk with him. He’s still soft-spoken, devout, and super-cuddly. He’s even down with the paganism, acknowledging that Herne has his place and his role, and it doesn’t take away from his God at all. This warm and cozy Tuck was not ripped off by Prince of Thieves, but it probably should have been.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/much.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Much has a crucial disadvantage - he can too often be caught!)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">MUCH</span>: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP I HATE YOU. Okay, got that out of my system Much is Robin’s brother in this telling. A wise choice, as that’s the only possible explanation for why they’d keep someone this incompetent around for as long as they do, instead of leading him to a quiet spot in the woods, taking out their bows, and telling him about the rabbits. I’m not exaggerating. In one episode, Will idly refers to him as a ‘half-wit’, and he gets angry, pointing out that he may be a little slow on the uptake, but he’s no half-wit. And here I was thinking half was too generous. He’s also useless in a fight, usually getting backed into a corner and screaming for Robin or Nasir or someone to come save him. He falls asleep on guard duty, he lets prisoners escape, he gets captured 5 or 6 times in 24 episodes… I’d think that living in the woods as outlaws, having a dullard like him around would present a liability. But no, apparently survival is less important than having a mascot. Here’s a great illustration of his pointlessness. In the episode “The Betrayal”, a number of King John’s personal guard dress up as the outlaws and wreak havoc among the villages. There’s a fake Will, a fake John, a fake Tuck, a fake Nasir, and a fake Robin. Notice anything missing? Yeah, he’s so useless, he’s not even worth discrediting. While not ripped off, there is no doubt PoT was influenced by this Much, as they feature theirs as little as possible.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/marion3.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Abbott Hugo, whose marrying plans her by the escape into a monastery to withdraw itself tried - until she meets on Robin.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />MARION</span>: This is a great version of Marian. I mean Marion. I don’t recall and am too lazy to look up if I mentioned that I far prefer a Mari*n to be the inside man spy type, rather than the asskicker or damsel in distressfulness, but if I didn‘t , now you know. Anyway, here I eat my words that I may or may not have said, ‘cause this one kicks some ass. This works for three reasons: 1) She is an outlaw like the rest, and lives in the forest from day one. (I imagine this is an inconvenience to her for a few days a month, but going into further detail would require me to look up how they dealt with that in the middle ages in the first place.) 2) She marries Robin at the end of the first episode, so we don’t have to deal with all that flirty crap they always pull. 3) They don’t get hung up on her being a woman. In like the second episode, everyone comes to grips with the fact that she’s as good as a man. Not that she doesn’t use her womanliness against bad guys, of course. Yeah, she’s neat. Come the end of season 3, she joins a convent, yet another thing that would have been nice to see in season 4, rather than just having the show end with that. Downer much?<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/nasir4.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Its large virtues are fights and silence.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />NASIR</span>: Hey! A new guy! And the gang‘s first person of color, no less. Granted, the color is “White guy playing an Arab”, but we’re making baby steps here. He’s another servant of everyone’s favorite pilot bad guy wizard man, and also joins Robin once he’s freed, only he fights him first to see if he’s worth joining. Sweet. He spends the rest of the series doing stuff that may only be called fuckin’ hardcore awesome. He barely says anything, which led me to assume he was mute until he says one word in the season one finale. Then a couple episodes in, he speaks in Hebrew to some folks, and starts gradually getting more lines from then on. One could attribute this to Nasir gaining more comfort and ease both with his companions and in the English language. I say it’s because Mark Ryan was a stuntman who was hired to play a mute fightin’ guy in the pilot and had a recurring role thrust upon him, so he scrambled for some acting lessons. They paid off though, as he wound up playing one of the main characters in last summer’s biggest blockbuster action movie. That’s right. He was the voice of Bumblebee in Transformers. Saying the one line that left audiences across America raving, “Why the crap is Bumblebee British?” His semi-muteness, shady past, and two curvy swords have held over to subsequent things, by which I mean Drizzit Do’Urden ripped him off.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/sheriff.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Embittered enemy of all outlawing - and all women.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">SHERIFF</span>: Man, I love this guy. He’s short and skinny, and basically looks like he poses no physical threat to Robin at all. It’s all about the brain with this guy. He’s ruthless not only to his enemies, but to his friends as well. His devastating sarcasm and violent outbursts at his underlings has held over to most subsequent portrayals of the Sheriff, by which I mean Prince of Thieves ripped it off. But you guessed that. However, he’s not just power/money mad. He is, but at the heart of it all is an all consuming desire for order and control. He wants the laws to be followed and the people to stay in their place. Something interesting about a TV series as compared to a movie is that after Robin Hood thwarts the Sheriff a dozen or so times, you start to wonder how this guy keeps his job. The show deals with this head on, with Robin and the Sheriff gaining leverage and victories over each other in dribs and drabs. It’s nice to see the guy win once in a while, particularly in one episode where he plays the Hoodies for major chumps. He‘s going to marry an obscenely rich girl for the dowry, and he knows her fiancée, Alan-a-Dale, is mounting a rescue with the outlaws. So he switches the dowry with a chest full of rocks, which the gang dutifully steals. With the dowry “stolen”, he doesn’t have to marry the girl, but can still keep her father’s money. Then he has a bath with Gisburne. Not that I’m reading anything into that. Oh, also he’s the first Sheriff I’ve seen with a full name. We had Miter in ‘91, and Alan Rickman was “George, Sheriff of Nottingham”, which sounds stupid. Anyway, this one is Robert de Rainault, which Wikipedia tells me is from Evelyn Charles Vivian’s version of the legend. I mention this only to puzzle over that author’s gender.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/guyg3.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(An insurmountable dislike possesses against too many trees and does not look themselves always into the wrong Mrs. (which for the women also always mildly goes off).)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">SIR GUY</span>: BEST GUY EVER. Guy is the captain of the Guards, just like Prince of Thieves. Imagine that. More than that, he’s the Sheriff’s steward and undersheriff. He’s constantly berated and insulted by his superiors, and this combines with his shame as a landless knight to create an obsessive need to prove his worth. Many is the time when the Sheriff rebukes Guy for his incompetence, and Guy immediately lashes out at some underling with far more venom than they deserve. Speaking of that incompetence, there’s a few episodes where Guy is acting Sheriff, and tries to enact actual policy. It goes poorly for him, but of course. Things really ratchet up for Guy in the final episodes, as we learn that he’s the illegitimate son of Huntingdon, and thus the half-brother of Robin Hood. Then he gets fired and joins a crazy wolf-cult, and attacks the Sheriff as revenge for his constant abuse. Then the show gets cancelled. Good thing, too. At the rate this guy was losing his marbles, he would have had to spend most of the fourth season just stabbing babies.<br /><br /><img style="width: 286px; height: 337px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/r_IJ-Sallah.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(I couldn't find the picture of Richard I was going to use, and I'm too lazy to make one. Please enjoy this John Rhys Davies action figure instead.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">THE MAN</span>: Both kings get their guest spots here. Richard shows up first, in the Season 1 ender “The King’s Fool”. And thank deist ethical principles, he’s played as a total bastard. At first, he’s all “Yeah, I’ll pardon you guys,” and Robin’s all “Sweet, dude,” and the king’s all like “You’re coming to the Holy Land with me,” and Will’s all “Screw that, I’ma go back to the woods,” and King Ricky’s like “Hey, look at my pet outlaw! Ain’t he cute? Do a dance!” and John and Marion and Tuck and Nasir and even fucking Much are all “What a dick,” and the King’s all “Sure, sheriff, you can have them killed, and thanks for all this money for my nutty crusade” and Robin’s all like “Oh, you do NOT play a playa!” and runs back to the woods and Herne’s all “Dude, I could have told you that. What, doesn’t god outrank king anymores? By the way, while you were gone, I promoted Will to Robin Hood, but I guess you can have it back.” And Will’s like “Bloody ‘ell.”<br /><img style="width: 330px; height: 217px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/websitesherrifngiz50red.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Same goes for John, only they don't make Phil Davis action figures, so here's some tool that works for him instead.)</span><br /><br />Prince John shows up for about half an episode… Then KING JOHN takes his place. It’s nice to see this jackass able to act with complete autonomy. For one thing, he travels with a posse of hookers. Also, he invariably comes to town with some convenient plot device, like an assassin, or Arthur of Brittany (look it up), or wanting to bang Marion. As if you could blame him. Anyway, he’s fun. Nasty, brutish, and short, just like the real John. He’s got a hair trigger temper and a silly beard, and usually portends a good episode. He’s in three episodes, which see his face go from beard to BEARD to BBBBBEEEEEEEEAAAAAARRRRRRDDDDDD. It truly is majestic.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/Alan_Mildred.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Its cold blood holds for a knight horse and its art to produce tones for singing.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">OTHER MERRY MEN</span>: Well, there’s a few that come up here or there, I think their names were <span style="font-weight: bold;">Arrow Bait</span>, <span style="font-weight: bold;">Meat Shield</span>, and <span style="font-weight: bold;">Red Shirt</span>. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Alan-A-Dale</span> shows up, in a quality episode named after him, where he gets overdramatic at every little thing, and writes irritating songs, which he sings in a thin, annoying voice. Apparently, the plan was to add him full time to the band in the next season, but that fell through. Probably because someone pointed out that a one-off character who works in a wacky comedy episode would piss everyone off week after week.<br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/edwardwickham.jpg" /><br />(<span style="font-style: italic;">At Edward the spirit separates… of “traitor” to “Langweiler” participates everything.)<br /><br /></span>The most prominent fella is <span style="font-weight: bold;">Edward of Wickham</span>, who’s sort of a village elder/priest of Herne/mayor guy for the town where Robin and the gang do most of their business. I’m amazed the Sheriff doesn’t kill him, much less burn Wickham to the ground, based on all the times the outlaws have been seen or sheltered there. Apparently he was set to join the band in season 4, but as I’ve already bitched about, there was no season 4. Why? Because the studio ran out of money. Mostly because they stopped making Chariots of Fire, The Wall, and Ghandi; and started making Revolution, Absolute Beginners, and the Mission. Never heard of them? Exactly. Actually, The Mission got seven Oscar nominations, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to stab myself when I was watching it. And whose idea was it to cast Robert DeNiro as Portuguese? Madness. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. Edward. He’s played by the guy who played Boba Fett, but his voice was edited out of Special Editions, making him the second person in this blog to get shafted by George Lucas, only he’s the first to you, ‘cause I skipped the Star Trek one for now, so you haven‘t heard about Clive Revill.<br /><br /><img src="http://joycebooks.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/james_joyce.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(riverrun, past Eve and Adam’s, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs.)</span><br /><br />One of these days, I’ll write an entry composed entirely of tangents and digressions. Then I’ll drop the punctuation and spelling. Then I will be <span style="font-weight: bold;">James Joyce</span>.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/gulnar.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Richard O'Brien is a highly gifted actor for the “something other roles”)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">OTHER VILLAINS</span>: <span style="font-weight: bold;">Baron Belleme</span>, the famous pilot wizard, shows up one more time to be pointless and do nothing. Richard O’Brien of all people shows up as a sinister wizard named <span style="font-weight: bold;">Gulnar </span>who acts just like you’d expect Richard O’Brien to if he was an evil wizard in the middle ages, which he probably was. So he’s basically his character from the D&D movie, but with a Riff Raff voice. He first appears as part of the retinue of <span style="font-weight: bold;">Owen of Clun</span>, whose band of <span style="font-weight: bold;">hairy Welsh bastards</span> no doubt provided the inspiration for blah blah Prince of Thieves ripoff. The Sheriff’s brother <span style="font-weight: bold;">Hugo </span>is a major player early on, but kinda drifts off, which is too bad, ‘cause he was pretty neat. He was Tuck’s abbot, and represented a kind of catch-all evil church guy. But he wasn’t really evil, just willing to profit from it. The sheriff actually gets fired twice for incompetence, but his replacements do teh epic fail. The first, <span style="font-weight: bold;">Phillip Mark</span> (Ehhh? EHHHHH???) tries the whole killing everyone in Wickham thing, and sucks at it; and the second,<span style="font-weight: bold;"> Roger de Carnac</span>, hires the evil doubles of all the useful people, but they all get killed, so phooey. He was played by American character actor Matt Frewer, best known as Max Headroom. Good thing I didn’t notice that while I was watching, or I w-would have been so di-di-distracted. Other good one-time villains are a devil-worshipping nun played by Rula Lenska and her sexy voice, and the snarling gang of Flemish mercenaries who killed Will’s wife.<br /><img src="http://hpbimg.heartofsherwood.co.uk/giz%20on%20horse.JPG" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Not the guards, but some guys on horses. Look, I can't make screencaps, and my camera charger's busted. If you want a top-quality production, then give me money. In fact, give me money anyway)</span><br /><br />I’d like to say a word about the <span style="font-weight: bold;">guards </span>here, for a second. Robin and his men kill, as Carl Sagan would say, bill-yuns and bill-yuns of these guys. I was just wondering how the Sheriff keeps finding men to hire. “JOIN THE SHERRIF’S MEN! Live in filth! Get shot by outlaws! Get yelled at by a tomato-faced blonde guy!” Robin and his men kill at least six per episode. And yet there’s always more. They must have a good benefits package. I guess not having your hands cut off counts as a benefit. I’d also like to say that they look super-stylin’ with their bullet heads and chevron-strewn tabards. Nice.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/kupanie.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(It's not gay if you're complaining about outlaws.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">BEST LINE</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Gisburne: </span>"My Lord - I thought..."<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Sheriff</span>:</span> "You THOUGHT, did you, Gisburne? What a pity I wasn't here! When did you have this thought of yours? When I was in London, or was it more recent? Surely such an earth-shattering event would linger in the memory. Or was it this morning, perhaps? WHILE I WAS BEING ATTACKED?!"<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(A world-class berating from the Sheriff)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">WORST LINE</span><br />“Land pirates! The worst kind!”<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Robin, showing off his extensive knowledge of pirate varieties.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">COMING UP NEXT:<br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><img style="width: 460px; height: 253px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/1-1.jpg" /><br /></span> <img style="width: 457px; height: 250px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/2-1.jpg" /><br /><img style="width: 453px; height: 249px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/3-1.jpg" />Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-515494236333988225.post-77470894703191294012008-06-04T12:47:00.000-07:002008-06-04T12:49:33.825-07:00Under the Hood: Part 5 - Douglas Fairbanks in Robin Hood<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS IN ROBIN HOOD (1922)</span><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/Douglas_Fairbanks_Robin_Hood_1922_f.jpg" /><br />Yes, that's the real title. Oy. Anyway, let's say first off that I'm not a huge fan of silent movies. Specifically the actors in them. And I'd like to say that Fairbanks, one of the biggest and most bankable silent stars, does a bit to combat that. He doesn't. He, in point of fact, sucks. He is worse than Costner. He is worse, probably, than the porn Robin Hood you'll learn about in a few weeks. But I'll have plenty of time to talk about that in the appropriate section. This here's for the movie in general. And it's a horrifyingly deranged never-ending cavalcade of stupidity. Let's go, shall we?<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4914.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(And his copious ego.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />PLOT</span>: Hoo boy. Let me pop in my DVD here to refresh my memory. Ah, yes, we open with ruins. Then an onscreen title card talks about how great medieval England was. Then an incredibly fey man rides a horse around and goes to the Crusades with his horrible, hairy king. Then everything turns to crap under the evil Prince John, naturally, and Marian, "The Queen of Love and Beauty", whatever the fuck that means, sends to her prancey knight for help. He comes back and saves the kingdom by gadding about like an idiot.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4954.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(You got a war face! AHHHHHHH! That's a war face! Now show me yours! BULLSHIT! You didn't convince me! Let me see your REAL war face!)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />GENERAL THOUGHTS</span>: I'll say some nice things about it here, because there are some nice things to say. The sets are fantastic, including a huge-ass drawbridge and portcullis that Prancibald climbs up. (I refuse to accept the guy in this movie as Robin Hood, lest my childhood hero be forever tainted. So I call him Prancibald. It fits better.) They also handle crowd scenes well. It's all vey epic and well done. If only they had paid more attention to the script...<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4928.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(I didn't even have to try to get this. It's just what came up when I paused the DVD.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />PRANCIBALD</span>: Wow. I mean… WOW. I know I made a few gay jokes about Errol Flynn, but this guy legitimately SKIPS everywhere. And his first line is "I am afeared of women." Then a bunch of hot girls try to talk to him, and he injures himself running away. I guess the intent of the skipping was to make him look carefree, and the afeariness to make him suitably chaste, but when you add the tights and the skipping… And he's an idiot. His first attack on the castle involves taunting the guards by doing a song-and-dance in plain view, and he leaves all of his arrows slung around some guy's neck. And when he actually manages to steal some coins? His method of distribution is to toss them in the air. There's a crying baby in that scene. I'm pretty sure it took a coin to the eye.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4934.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(In his lusty infancy)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />LITTLE JOHN</span>: Begins the movie as Prancibald's squire, hangs with him in Normandy, and then spends most of the movie delivering his mail. He's played by everyone's favorite lusty infant, Alan Hale, who you may recall as the Little John of 1939. Seriously, either he shrank like ten inches in 17 years or actors were a lot shorter in 1922. Performance-wise, he's decent by silent standards. That's a damn goofy wig, though.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4958.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(This is a photograph of Will Scarlet as he appeared in the 1922 film "Robin Hood".)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />WILL SCARLET</span>: Or so they say. He dresses a bit fancy, and the title card that accompanies his first appearance says "Will Scarlett" so I guess that's him. But he's got no personality of speak of and if it wasn't for the fact that he's got a silly beard and Alan A Dale's got a silly hat and looks like John Glover, you might lose track of which is which. You know, none of the men get an origin story besides Little John. They all just show up after Prancibald's first daring escape to waylay the one guard that's chasing him. See, Prancibald sneaks out in a hay wagon and then makes a break for it, and one guard sees him and chases him and then BAM WILL SCARLETT COMES OUTA FUCKING NOWHERE and smacks him around a little, pausing only for his name to appear onscreen.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4930.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(Friar Tuck is sure, sure, sure...)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />TUCK</span>: So after Will roughs up the guard a little, he tosses him over to Tuck, who - in the gayest moment of this prancing-filled film - spanks him. Just hefts him up over the shoulder and gives 'im a good spankin'. On the butt. Ah…ha. Anyway, Tuck's head is a bit weird, with the googly eyes and bushy beard and long curly hair, but to give due credit, the rest of his costume is really neat. And lucky you, you'll get plenty of chances to see it, because Willard Louis' style of acting is to gesture like a birthday party magician, and I'm pretty sure his hands never go below his waist throughout the movie. Story-wise, this is a pretty fine movie for Tuck. He gets some good fighting in, has some big dramatic scenes, and gets the most ridiculous line in the movie (see below).<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4946.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(This baby is sad that Much isn't here. Prancibald laughs at his pain.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />MUCH</span>: Utterly absent. Which is probably for the best.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4967-1.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(Marian and... A GHOST! No, just kidding. That would have been cool, though.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />MARIAN</span>: DEAD, BABY. Seriously, she dies right before Prancibald comes back from the crusades. Crazy. But I'm getting ahead of myself. She is introduced at the jousting match, and referred to as "The queen of love and beauty". I don't think that's an actual title, but you never know. Anyway, Prancey is afeared of her, as has been mentioned, but she writes to tell him of how crappy England's gotten in his absence, so he comes back to see her. Then she takes a header off a cliff because the soldiers are trying to kill her. Oh… Okay, she's not really dead, but Prancibald thinks she is, and that gives him some neat motivation to forsake civilization and live in the woods. If only their relationship was a bit less based on his fear of vaginas, it would have been a nice moment. Later .. he knows she's alive, he gives her a knife and tells her to kill herself if the soldiers find her. Prancibald's justice is a harsh justice.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4923.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(I really wanted to get a good nose shot, but the 'taking photos of my TV method is imprecise, and the guy hardly gets any good close-ups. Don't judge me.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />SHERIFF</span>: What a nose on this guy. Seriously. He's like freakin' Cyrano. The filmmakers decided that neither that honker nor his silly cowboy hat would be enough to make him stick in the audience's mind, so every time he shows up, the title cards go all: "THE LORD HIGH SHERIFF OF NOTTINGHAM". After a while, I decided that he was actually yelling this every time he went into a room. This was nice, as this charming bit of monomania gave him a personality the writers and director didn't think he needed. Oh, actually, there is one other thing. He doesn't seem to care what people pay their taxes with. His men accept a dog as payment in one scene, and they also go into a debtor's house and take his table. Then said debtor and hs wife start making out, because when you haven't got a table, what else can you do? Sheriff's the low man on the bad guy totem pole here, and a step up we find…<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4915.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(I imagine him sounding like a cross between Joel Cairo and Crazy Harry.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />SIR GUY</span>: More like Sir Fatty du Creepula. Oooooh snap. Seriously, this is the sleaziest Guy yet. He's all doughy and squinty, and he's wearing silent movie makeup which does not help him at all. He's the lackey-in-chief to the Prince, and he works hard for the money so hard for it honey. He tries to assassinate the king, he lusts for Marian, he even cheats at jousting by tying himself to the saddle. I only knew that because of the title cards, naturally. His death is so ludicrous, I'll just show you. Be sure to watch to the end for the aforementioned suicide recommendation.<br /><br /><object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="never" allownetworking="internal" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/JLILeKPcQco&hl=en&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" height="355" width="425"> <param name="allowScriptAccess" value="never"> <param name="allowNetworking" value="internal"> <param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/JLILeKPcQco&hl=en&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00"> </object><br /><br />Who composed that music? It was downright glib. I must say, what with the strangling and the smooching, Prancibald looks almost macho there, nearly enough to recover from throwing his hat in the beginning. Too bad he ruins it by tossing his hair in the last second.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4913.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(Prince John is sad he has no section of his own anymore. If only there was a crying baby to cheer him up.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />THE MAN</span>: So sorry, P.J. but I've decided to make you share your section with your big brother and anyone else who represents the government in these movies. But I'll start with you, how's that? Um… Prince John is boring. Seriously. Of all the thinly they drawn villains in this movie, he's the thinnest. We know he's evil because he lurks about with his pet falcon and leans oddly on his throne. It's a weird throne, by the way. It's got a leopard skin on it, and it seems to have no set location, going wherever he goes. Maybe it's magic. The nicest thing I can say about him is that he's played by Sam de Grasse, one of the first Canadians in Hollywood.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4909.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(Wallace Beery and his hittin' stick.)</span><br /><br />Good King Richard is played by Wallace Beery, a silent film star well known both for playing evil bastards, and totally being an evil bastard. Jackie Cooper called him "the most sadistic person I have ever known," and when working with eight-year-old Margaret O'Brien, pinched her so much that crew members had to constantly hang around to protect her. This is Ms. O'Brien's worst memory of being a child actor in 1940s Hollywood, which could not have been a picnic on a normal day. Oh, and this one time, Beery beat a man to death in a bar and fled to Europe while the studio covered it up.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4912.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(Above: Wallace Beery feasts on an extra.)</span><br /><br />This all might seem unrelated to Robin Hood, but I mention it because I want you to know that this guy is completely loathsome, and it totally shines through even when he's playing a hero. There's not a single scene where I don't feel he's about to tear off his tights and rape the hell out of everyone. And he's… weird, anyway. He silent-film-overacts to a ridiculous extent, even for this movie. And in one scene he crushes a coconut with his bear hands for no reason. That was a typo, but I'm leaving it in because Wallace Beery looks more like a shaved bear than a human.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4940.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(It's either Alan A Dale or Lionel Luthor...)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />OTHER MERRY MEN</span>: <span style="font-weight: bold;">Allan A Dale</span> is in this one, though you wouldn't notice it if those handy title cards weren't around. He doesn't carry an instrument or anything. He does wear a silly hat and look like John Glover, but I already told you that. He doesn't even get to be in the original lineup shot, because he was sleeping at the camp while everyone else was out saving England. Loser. In an Errol Flynn-like display of antipathy toward his followers, Prancibald wakes him up by shooting his hat off. Other than him, it's just <span style="font-weight: bold;">A Couple Hundred Interchangeable Nancies</span>. I have nothing to say about the Nancies, save that if there's going to be a few hundred good guys hanging around, maybe they should actually do something other than a musical number? I'm not joking. They all bound onto the screen, skip about like Rod Flanders on sugar, and then a poem appears on the screen which appears to be the Merry Men Club Marching Song. Also, they are described as "lusty rebels", leading me to wonder when that word started to be hilarious. One of the Nancies blows a horn whenever they show up, which gives him more personality than most people in this movie.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4924.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(I'm too lazy to find a picture of the rich man. Please enjoy this man's beard instead.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />OTHER VILLAINS</span>: The only notable one was "<span style="font-weight: bold;">The Rich Man of Wakefield</span>", who shows up on screen, hits a poor person, and then disappears forever, with (Of course) only his introductory title card to give us any clue who he was.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">BEST LINE</span><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4945.jpg" /><br />Oh thank god.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">WORST LINE</span><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4953.jpg" /><br />Knop: A small decorative knob. Scop: A bard or poet. Tuck: Really crappy with the threats.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4929.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(Spider-Prance, Spider-Prance. Does whatever a Spider-Prance does.)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />COMING UP NEXT</span>: There was a Robin Hood themed Episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Perhaps you would like to hear someone make humorous comments about it? I'll see what I can do.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4955.jpg" /></span><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/CIMG4952.jpg" />Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-515494236333988225.post-69472458636020345342008-06-04T12:40:00.000-07:002012-07-11T23:36:13.489-07:00Under the Hood: Part 4 - Robin Hood<span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">ROBIN HOOD (1973)</span></span><br />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/2684961020A.jpg" /><br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">(Men-agerie? What the hell?... Ohhhh... OH! Oh, that's clever.)</span><span style="font-size: 130%;">Well, somebody saw The Jungle Book. And copied a lot of it wholesale. To be fair, this movie was made at a rough time for Disney. Walt had just died, the Nine Old Men were starting to act their nickname, and they had about no money. As such, this movie is jam-packed with recycled animation and cut corners. There's a reason Little John and Baloo are identical. My favorite was when a random cat character shows up in a musical scene just because they were reusing "Aristocats" footage, then disappears forever. The movie is charming, though, in its simple way. There's one aspect I love, and I'll discuss it more in the Little John section. STAY TUNED, DEAR READERS!</span><br />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/rh06.jpg" /><br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">(In the land of Lincolne... Where the shadows lie...)</span><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">PLOT</span>: There is none. Okay, that's a little mean. But really, there isn't. The movie is structured more as a series of episodes. Some focus on Robin, some on the others. I kinda like that.</span><br />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/rh04.jpg" /><br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">(</span></span><span style="font-style: italic;">I hope you like the look of that marching. You're going to see it every time these guys show up.)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;">GENERAL THOUGHTS</span></span><span style="font-size: 130%;">: The recycled animation really hurts this one. The same shots will get used three or four times in a single scene. The best thing they did here was not bother with origin stories, so they could jump right into the action. This is a weird movie for accents. Robin Marian, and the upper-class types are English, but basically everyone else is played by some famous Western actor. Friar Tuck is perpetual Roy Rogers deputy Andy Devine, Roger Miller is our musical narrator, Pat Buttram of all people is the Sheriff, with Goober Pyle and Festus Hagen as his flunkies. Real quality character actors, and not even a little English. And I'm fine with that. A medieval English accent wouldn't sound much like a modern one, anyway, so I'd rather straight up Americans with personality out the wazoo than another crappy annoying half-accent that sounds bland as all git-out. You know who I'm talking about. Also, all the characters, heroes and villains alike, say 'Ooh-de-lally' a lot, which seems to be a catch-all exclamation. You know, like 'shpadoinkle'.</span><br />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/robinhood03.jpg" /><br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">(He's gonna put someone's eye out. I wish.)</span><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">ROBIN</span>: Played by British stage actor Brian Bedford, sounding much more youthful than his actual 49 years. The movies aforementioned lack of origin bits means he's not atoning for past crimes or unjustly outlawed or anything other than helping poor people because it's what he does. He's a carefree jokester, and has a ball fighting injustice. He's a master of disguise, as Robin always was in the old ballads, doing a lot of reconnaissance as a blind beggar. He's also a much fancier archer than most, aided by the cartoon physics that allow arrows to ricochet like bullets. He's a fox, of course, clever and quick. Makes sense. Also, Disney had a lot of fox character sheets lying around from a previously abandoned project.</span><br />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/littlejohn05.jpg" /><br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">(Even for a cartoon, the physics of arrows in this movie make me crabby.)</span><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">LITTLE JOHN:</span> Identical to Disney's Baloo in appearance, mannerisms, and played-by-Phil-Harrisness. I love this Little John. For one thing, he's the only Merry Man. Yeah, the only one. He and Robin live out alone in the forest, and carry out their plans with help from the locals only when needed and on a strictly volunteer basis. This allows for the only movie version I've seen where Robin and Little John can have the kind of friendship and camaraderie they share in the old stories. Also, John is as smart and clever as Robin, but a good deal more sensible and careful, which is also the way it was in ye olde stories, and you never see that in modern movies. In fact, I'd lay even money this is the last time we see this kind of Little John. And <a href="http://stng.36el.com/st-tng/episodes/images/194-2.jpg" target="_self">Riker</a></span><span style="font-size: 130%;"> doesn't count. He's a bear, the perfect animal for a large growly forest-dweller. Phil Harris's broad Midwestern burl is the perfect voice to go with it. He was 70 when this movie was made, but you'd never guess.</span><br />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/sir-not-appearing-in-this-film.jpg" /><br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">(Sorry!)</span><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">WILL SCARLET:</span> Not around, as I mentioned. Go away.</span><br />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/friartuck01.jpg" /><br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">(Seriously?)</span><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">TUCK</span>: Is around. "What?", you say? "Brian, you lying sack of shit, you aid there were no other Merry Men!" you say? Well hold your fucking horses. Tuck isn't in the band per se, but rather helps them out from inside the town. He is responsible for redistributing the money they steal, and hiding their presence from the Sheriff. This is a departure for Tucks so for, as he doesn't drink, swear, or fight. A Tuck that actually acts like a friggin priest? And it works? Who'da thunk it? Oh, and he's apparently a badger, for no reason I can see. Seriously? A badger? What is so priestly about a badger? He looks more like a mole, anyway.</span><br />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/rh20.jpg" /><br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">(I'd be worried, too. Don't foxes eat rabbits?)</span><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">MUCH</span>: There is… Kind of a Much. He is a 7-year-old rabbit named Skippy. He hero-worships Robin who shows up at his birthday party and gives him an old hat and a bow an arrow. (Giving weapons to children? What are you, Errol Flynn?) He almost has sex with Maid Marian. (He's running around the castle courtyard pretending to be Robin Hood, Marian joins the game, he 'rescues' her, and she demands that Robin Hood 'Kiss the Girl'. It's really a sort of upsetting scene, for reasons I can't quite explain. I guess you have to see it. Also, skippy don't wear no pants. Neither do most of the men in this movie, but Skippy's long shirt covers his crotch, which makes it seem really indecent. This parenthetical statement is longer than the main entry. Huh.)</span><br />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/maidmarian03.jpg" /><br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">(Aww, that's preshy. By the way, an 'ingot' is a lump of metal cast into any old shape for easy storage so that it can be processed at a later time. Not, you know, anything you would want 10,000 of necessarily.)</span><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">MARIAN</span>: Marian here is also a fox. A harsh condemnation of interracial relationships? Nah. (Although the bad guys are also very racially segregated, but that's a budget thing. They could just make one Rhino soldier, one Alligator guard, and one Wolf archer, and replicate them as needed. Anyway…) Marian is sort of a non-presence in this one. Her relationship with Robin is handled well, explaining that they knew each other as kids, and each has harbored affection for the other after they grew apart. But other than that, her function is just exposition and attempted statutory rape, and she's completely absent in the last half hour, up until the very last scene.</span><br />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/princejohn08.jpg" /><br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">(Congratulations, you mincing Mary.)</span><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">PRINCE JOHN</span>: Has his own category now! He's been in every film but one at this point, so I figure if he's ever not around again, I'll just talk about the sociopolitical dynamics of the movie, or write a haiku or something. Anyway, John is an odd one here. As the Big Bad, he must be a credible threat, but they portray him as a whiny mama's boy. So to compensate, they give him a truly deranged temper, which causes him to sentence 40 townsfolk to death or whatever right before he crashes and starts sucking his thumb and mumbling. And that's not a joke, he seriously sucks his thumb and cries out for 'mummy'. Also, his crown doesn't fit, and despite being a lion, he lacks a mane. But he appears to be a grown man. Damn. I almost feely sorry for the guy. He's got an Oedipus complex, an oral fixation, he's 28 and still hasn't hit puberty, and now there's an annoying fox stealing all his shit and getting him thrown in jail.</span><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/princejohn07.jpg" /><br />
<span style="font-size: 130%;">Speaking of that, since this is ol' PJ's first entry, I'd like to mention something that's been on my mind a lot. The incredibly shaky grasp of history most of these movies have. John is kicked out of the country in some, imprisoned in some, including this one… He did get to be king, you know. This movie has a whole musical number called "The Phony King of England", wherein they say he'll be remembered "Not because he passed some laws"… The Magna Carta, perhaps? I will complement the characters on their prescience in saying "Too late to be known as John the First/ He's sure to be known as John the Worst". If only they had said "Shakespeare's most boring play will be about him." Anyway, my point was that by treating him as a scheming mastermind the way these movies tend to, they either have to punish him at the end, or make the heroes look weak. And punishment means historical whatthefucks. I mean, obviously there's going to be anachronisms in any Robin Hood tale, but that's like making a movie where Lincoln kills Booth, or where Nixon doesn't get pardoned.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 130%;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 130%;">EDIT - Wait, he WAS John the First! Well, John the only.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 130%;"><br /></span><br />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/sheriff05.jpg" /><br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">(You know, I found all these pics on a site called "Animated Lust". </span><a href="http://www.fantasykat.com/shows/robinhood.html" target="_self">Yeah, I wish I was joking</a><span style="font-style: italic;">.)</span><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">SHERIFF</span>: Ooh, I like this one. The Big Bad is the Prince, as I mentioned, and the Sheriff a mere henchman. But unlike the last movie, this Sheriff is actually capable. He gleefully locks up priests, steals from the blind while pretending to give, and just generally has a ball of a time being a thug for the rich and powerful. And it works. With a fun-loving Robin, an equally fun-loving Sheriff makes a great contrast. See '39 Sheriff? This is what you could be if you just applied yourself a little. They do take the western thing a bit far with him, though, what with his star-shaped badge, and references to his 'posse'.</span><br />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/sirhiss01.jpg" /><br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">(Sir Hiss. Not pictured: back hair.)</span><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">SIR GUY:</span> Ehm… I guess he's here? There's a snake called Sir Hiss that's aide-de-campe to Prince John. So he's called 'Sir', he's a second banana… Yeah, close enough. Okay, so first of all, he's hairy, which is just not right in a snake. And it's not just '70s feature animation with visible pencil lines, like I thought at first. Snake's got hair. You can't see it in that pic. But check out his page on Animated Lust. Man, I hope you've been reading the picture captions. You won't be surprised to learn that he's pretty much Kaa from the Jungle Book, animation-wise. He's got the hypnosis powers, too. You know why King Richard went on a crusade? Sir Hiss hypnotized him to do so. Yeah. And despite the capabilities this would give him, he never uses said power in the movie. It's just stupid. Other than that, he's a pretty fun character. He's the smartest of the villains, and frequently sees what's really going on in a given scene, but nobody pay attention to him and he gets hurt a lot. Standard smarter-than-the-boss henchman stuff. He's animated in a really cool way that plays some fun tricks with his body, he wears a cape despite having no shoulders, and he's played by Terry-Thomas, who's sort of an English version of Sterling Holloway, so we're back to the Kaa thing.</span><br />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/rooster01.jpg" /><br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">(They calls me... The Rooster With No Name... Okay, it's Alan.)</span><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">OTHER MERRY MEN:</span> <span style="font-weight: bold;">Alan-a-Dale</span> makes his first appearance here. He's a Rooster, because… they sing? I mean, '<a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/rock-a-doodle-50949.jpg" target="_self">Rock-a-Doodle</a>' thought so, too. Actually, his name is technically "The Rooster". See, in the opening credits, they're credited like: "Phil Harris as Little John - A Bear" or "Andy Devine as Friar Tuck - A Badger" (That's how I knew he wasn't a mole, by the way.). But Alan's is just "Roger Miller as The Rooster". But he calls himself Alan, and it works for me. He's a sort of narrator for the story, throwing out ballads here and exposition there, and lending a hand as required. His song over the opening credits, called "Whistle Stop", is familiar to anyone who was on the internet in 1998 as the Hampster Dance song. So that's a little weird. There's also a dog called <span style="font-weight: bold;">Otto </span>with a broken leg, and Skippy's two siblings, a <span style="font-weight: bold;">bossy older sister</span> and an <span style="font-weight: bold;">oppressively cute androgyny</span>. There's a <span style="font-weight: bold;">turtle with glasses</span>, some <span style="font-weight: bold;">churchmice</span>, an elderly <span style="font-weight: bold;">owl couple</span>, Skippy's <span style="font-weight: bold;">other twelve siblings</span> and <span style="font-weight: bold;">suspiciously single mother</span>… Look, I know none of them are exactly helping fight evil, but this is basically the only movie that put any thought into the townsfolk of Nottingham, and I feel like I should mention them. Oh, and <span style="font-weight: bold;">Lady Sassmouth</span> is here too, of course. Can Marian just once have someone to exposit with who isn't sassy?</span> <span style="font-weight: bold;">King Richard</span> makes his usual cameo at the end, and everyone laughs at his bad, bad jokes, because he's king, and he'll send them to Palestine to kill some folks if they don't.<br />
<br />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/nutsy-trigger01.jpg" /><br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">(Ah, the angry and stupid bad guy duo, not to be captured so well until the advent of the Wet Bandits some 20 years later.)</span><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">OTHER VILLAINS</span>: Sheriff gets two main henchmen of his own, a couple of vultures called <span style="font-weight: bold;">Trigger </span>and <span style="font-weight: bold;">Nutsy</span>. One is crabby and one is crazy. Guess which is which. Robin disguises himself as Nutsy in one scene by wearing a cape and putting a sock on his nose. If this was done for any reason other than to establish everyone he fools as blind and stupid, then I don't know what. There's also one <span style="font-weight: bold;">Wolf Archer</span>, one <span style="font-weight: bold;">Alligator Guard</span>, and one <span style="font-weight: bold;">Rhino Soldier</span>, and the Prince's <span style="font-weight: bold;">Unseen Cloning Scientist</span>.</span><br />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/rh11.jpg" /><br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">(Oo-de-lally!)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">COMING UP NEXT:</span> It's "Douglas Fairbanks in Robin Hood", starring the pranciest action star of 1922 and his huge ego.</span>Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-515494236333988225.post-11705509659867658492008-06-04T12:38:00.001-07:002008-06-04T12:40:03.126-07:00Under the Hood: Part 3 - The Adventures of Robin Hood<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">THE ADVENTURES OF ROBIN HOOD (1938)</span></span><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/robinhoodflynn.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">Stand in front of a mirror. Put your hands on your hips. Laugh. You have just watched this movie. Well, I'm exaggerating a little. This one does the Norman/Saxon thing, too, but in a very 1930s Hollywood way, where everything is simple and simple. The bad guys twirl their mustaches and go NORMAN POWER! BWA HA HA sort of thing. This is the one I'll show my kids first, in the hypothetical future where I breed.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">TONE</span>: Sassily '30s. Screenwriting hadn't progressed to the point where they had cohesion in movies yet, so thank god for title cards. Also freakin' colorful. True Trivia: There were only 11 Technicolor cameras in existence at the time, and this movie used all of them. Fake Trivia: Errol Flynn was only three feet tall, and the movie was a pioneering user of forced perspective and resizing of props, paving the way for 'Lord of the Rings'.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">PLOT</span>: A sassy lil' nobleman saves a poacher, then gets outlawed and naturally proceeds to strut around like he owns the place. All the standard stuff, archery contest, et al but it's the first sound version, so it's all new here. Lucky '30s. The one big change is in villain ranking. Guy of Gisbourne is the Big Bad, Prince John his lurking boss, and the Sheriff the doughy comic relief.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">GENERAL THOUGHTS</span>: A lot of the fun idiosyncrasies of 1930s epics show up here, like giant sets that would look fine in black and white, but come off as goofy in Technicolor, rear-projection in horse-riding sequences, and matte paintings galore. And a style of fighting that actually is known on tvtropes as Flynning.</span><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/RobinHood06.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(He actually wore more green before he was outlawed)<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:130%;">ROBIN</span></span><span style="font-size:130%;">: Kind of a dickhead. He barges into a dinner party and walks on the table and throws a deer corpse around. And that's BEFORE he's outlawed. Once he has henchmen, he lets them do all the work, and stands around making speeches to the people "he" is attacking. I guess the idea was to make him look carefree and sassy and inspiring absolute loyalty, but it doesn't work at all, and he looks snarky and annoying, inspiring idiots to hero-worship him. He's like the dumb jock in a high school movie.</span><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/05-alan-hale.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(What ho, fine lads! Would'st thou shave my back?)<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">LITTLE JOHN</span>: Introduced with the bizarre line "There's a lusty infant!" He's not too tall, but he's muscley, and for once, the bridge fight is done with more playfulness than enmity, thus making their partnership believable. He's played by Alan Hale, who played a young Little John in 1922 and an old Little John in 1951. Also his son was the Skipper on Gilligan's Island. Character-wise, he's not too defined, just a fightin' type who delivers a lot of the "Look! The castle! That's where we have to attack!" lines. So, you know, Legolas. Also, he is apparently a lusty infant.<br /></span><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/06-patric-knowles.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Rock over Sherwood. Rock on, Chicago.)<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">WILL SCARLET</span>: Introduced as Robin's follower-for-no-good-reason, which was, you recall, done in the 1991 version, only more stupidly. Or at least, it looked more stupid because the rest of the movie was less stupid. His name also goes unmentioned for a while, but he wears a RIDICULOUSLY red outfit, so it was easy to figure out. He is played by Flynn's buddy Patric Knowles, the worst fake lute player ever. He is not a lusty infant.<br /></span><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/08-eugene-pallette.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(No funny captions here. Stop looking.)<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">TUCK</span>: Introduced in one of my favorite scenes. Robin sees him sleeping under a tree, and, typical of this movie, steals his food, throws a live fish in his lap, calls him fat, spanks him on the ass, and makes him give piggyback rides. Robin is such a douche. So anyway, Tuck throws him in the water and kicks his ass. More people should do that to this jackass. Towards the end, King Richard calls him a lardass, and his response is basically "Fuck you, kingboy." He wears a helmet all the time, which strikes me as an odd friaring acessory, but what do I know. I said 'ass' a lot in this bit. Anyway, I like this Tuck. I declare him, too to be a lusty infant.<br /></span><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/01-herbert-mundin.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Much, looking like he should be under a bridge, rather than atop a tree.)<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">MUCH</span>: He's a sassy little sassmouth in this one. He's caught poaching at the beginning, only instead of begging for his life, he flips his shit at Sir Guy. He then identifies himself as "the miller's son" despite being about 50. Well, I guess Ed Begley Jr. will always be Jr. He actually gets away with a love interest in this one. More on her later. He also gets a one-on-one action scene, though he takes a beating. He is played by Herbert Mundin, who I would bet any amount of money smells like old cheese. He's a poopy infant.<br /></span><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/12-olivia-de-havilland.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(I love you, Olivia. Run away from this movie and come live with me in 2008.)<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">MARIAN</span>: Seems to mostly roll her eyes, and say "Oh, you men!" Marian, along with Tuck, was added to the stories in the early 1500s to solve some problems people had with a bunch of men alone in the woods. Tuck to prove they weren't pagans, and Marian to prove they weren't… well, let's just say she has her work cut out for her in this version. Gay jokes aside, I honestly feel bad for Olivia deHaviland every time Errol Flynn touches her. I feel like telling her to go take a shower. Okay, one more gay thing: The movie's original tagline was "Only the rainbow can duplicate its brilliance!" She's a lady infant.<br /></span><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/02-basil-rathbone.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Poised to beat Much. We should be so lucky.)<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">SIR GUY</span>: Basil Rathbone as Sir Sinister von Evilsatan. His first bit in an action scene is when he throws a candle at Robin, which is frankly stupid looking. Then Robin runs outside and starts shooting at the doors, so the open the doors, see him, close the doors, and repeat about eight hundred times. But I digress. B-Rath turns in a fine performance, which is expected, as he could act circles around everyone else in this movie in his sleep. By the way, Rathbone was a champion-level fencer, and it's really kind of sad to see him lose to Errol "The Flynner" Flynn. He actually only won one onscreen duel in his career, as Tybalt. And we all know how that turns out for him. Lost to a putz like Leslie Howard. I'm not going to make an infant joke about him.<br /></span><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/09-melville-cooper.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(I'll bet he grew up to look like The King of Town. Also: Why is the mace the standard villain weapon in this movie?)<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">SHERIFF</span>: A fat, droopy-eyed, goofball coward. Basil Rathbone was not about to let anyone out-villain him. By the way, every beard in this movie is retarded. Seriously, it's like a shitty beard contest is to follow the archery contest, and the richer you are, the more effort you put into winning. Anyhow, being a comedy coward, he gets a lot of lines like "I would have attacked, but I was guarding the back wall, lest he try to steal it! That scoundrel! I'll get him next time! Drat him! And drat him again!" He's a colicky infant.<br /></span><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/RobinHood05.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Yes, your Majesty. A white robe with gold trim is a perfect disguse. No one will suspect a thing.)<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">OTHER MERRY MEN: Lady Sassmouth</span> shows up here as Marian's retainer. She flirts with the freaky homunculus Much in one of the skeeviest scenes I've ever borne witness to. <span style="font-weight: bold;">King Richard</span> shows up around the middle posing as an average knight, and stays incognito for a while to gather info about the state of his kingdom. Ooh, looks like someone read <span style="font-style: italic;">Ivanhoe</span>.<br /></span><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/03-claude-rains.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Oh, Prince </span>John<span style="font-style: italic;">? I thought you said Prince </span>Valiant<span style="font-style: italic;">.)<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">OTHER VILAINS</span>: Claude Rains plays the basic <span style="font-weight: bold;">Prince John</span> with the silliest haircut you'll ever see on a human being, and beard to match. He's going to win the contest. <span style="font-weight: bold;">The Bishop of Hereford</span>, or at least some kind of Bishop, shows up and exposits loudly about secret things. His role could have been played by one of those title cards, but he seems evilish, so I put him here. Also, there is <span style="font-weight: bold;">An assassin whose name I swear is "Dickon" who looks just like The French Taunter from Monty Python</span>. Just saying.<br /></span><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/14-harry-cording.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time.)<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">COMING UP NEXT</span>: Robin Hood and Little John go walkin' through the forest, laughin' back 'n' forth at how damn much recycled animation is in their movie.</span>Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-515494236333988225.post-9390856697243887172008-06-04T12:02:00.000-07:002008-06-04T12:37:41.932-07:00Under the Hood: Part 2 - Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">ROBIN HOOD: PRINCE OF THIEVES (1991)</span> <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/robin_hood_prince_of_thieves.jpg" /><br />YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE… EVERYTHING I DO… I DO IT FOR YOUUUUUU!<br /><br />Man, I hated this one at first. I could only watch it for like ten minutes at a time. It picked up a <span style="font-style: italic;">little </span>after the merry men had a training montage. Suffered a bit from trying to look too cool. I mean, a lack of adventurer's caps is one thing, but Robin should at least wear green. I mean come on! Anyway, the whole thing was muddy and uneven.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">PLOT</span>: Robert of Locksley was fighting with Richard The Best King Ever in the crusades, his dad died while he was away, and when he comes back with his new friend Blacky McMuslim, (or Blacky al Muslim, I suppose) he finds out that shit's gone nuts, so he outlaws.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">GENERAL THOUGHTS</span>: Kinda meh. This one's remembered fondly by my friends who saw it in their youth, but it's not really that good. Half the acting is fine, half is crap. They try some new things that probably seemed like really good ideas, but none of them panned out right. Oh, and when Robin gets back to England, he lands at Dover and somehow manages to walk to Hadrian's Wall and then to Nottingham all in one day. That's a bit over 500 miles. Mapquest puts it at about eight hours by car. Nice direction, Kevin Reynolds. I hope your next collaboration with Kevin Costner is a little more respectful of common sense. <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114898/" target="_self">Oh wait…</a><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/kevin20costner20prince20of20thieves.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(The hero of England. Or possibly Minnesota.)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /></span>ROBIN</span>: so much has been made of Kevin Costner's crappy accent, it might seem silly to repeat here. But seriously… It's BAD. Just when you start to think he's not even trying, he drops an R in a random place, and you go "Oh… oh yeah." also he's a crap actor in the first place. Yeah, I said it. As for the character portrayal, which is what I'm supposed to be talking about here, he's kind of a douche. I think they were trying to make him look like a born leader, but he just comes off as bossy and spoiled. And frankly, he doesn't seem to care about the poor people as much as his own interests.<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/thieves133.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/thieves133.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /><br />(Nick Brimble: Truly an unfortunate-looking man)<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">LITTLE JOHN</span>: He LOSES the bridge fight? What the FUCK? Robin beats him and makes him cry like a little pussy! That fuckin' sucks, especially considering that he's one of the few characters in the movie that gets any real personality. He's a family man in this one, and his relationship with his wife is a really nice element. He's played by the impressively hairy Nick Brimble, who turns the Englishness up to 11 to make up for his friends.<br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/Will14crop.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(Christian Goddamn Slater) </span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />WILL SCARLET</span>: Haaa hah ahah ah ah ah a ha. It's Christian Slater! Okay, now that that's done with. With Azim (More on him later) taking on the Lancer position, and Blinken (Ditto) being the servant, Will gets a fancy new job here: The asshole. He's the guy who wants to turn in Robin for the reward money and all. He actually tries to kill Robin at one point, but Robin shoots him in the hand, and he runs off to pout and play acoustic lute and invent horn-rimmed glasses.<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/TV1136.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/TV1136.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(Seriously the best picture I could find. Lots of pictures of Will and the Sherrif, though. It's like the internet if full of lonely fangirls who like to moon over pretty actors or something. GISBOURNE + ROBIN OTP!!!)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">TUCK</span>: Best Tuck yet by far. (Out of two, but still.) He's the only fully realized character in the movie, quite honestly. He's a hard-drinking nutter who honestly feels a need to perform spiritual guidance to the outlaws. He pushes the greedy bishop out the window in one of the film's greatest moment. And he's genuinely racist against Azim, finally accepting him after he saves Little John's newest baby. "Tonight the Lord has taught me a fine lesson. I may think I am godly, but I now know I am not worldly." He's played by American character actor Mike McShane, the hypnotherapist from "Office Space". It was an inspired choice, and he brings a surprising amount of warmth and humanity for an actor whose usual forte is Whose Line is it Anyway and the backwards episode of Seinfeld.<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://msnbcmedia4.msn.com/j/ap/f54cfb6d-d099-4963-a0f6-970b15579202.widec.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://msnbcmedia4.msn.com/j/ap/f54cfb6d-d099-4963-a0f6-970b15579202.widec.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(What, fisticuffs?)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">MUCH</span>: Played by the kid from H.R. Pufnstuff, I shit you not. Of course, it's 21 years later, so I did have to look that up. I actually thought he might not be in this one, because his name is mentioned offhand in the same breath as David of Doncaster. (See below) But some ugly as shit guy shows up in one scene and is apparently him.<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/thieves065.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/thieves065.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br />(The character so boring, even the actress fell asleep)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">MARIAN</span>: Yawn.<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/thieves030.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/thieves030.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br />(My god... am I really THAT pretty?)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">SHERIFF</span>: Alan Rickman IS Snidely Whiplash AS The Sheriff of Nottingham! Waaaaay over the top, but in a fun way. The Sheriff has an odd little sidekick in this one, a witch of sorts. Also, he commands an army of Death Eaters. Apart from the witch and the cult, which is weird enough, he also take over Gisbourne's usual role of wanting to marry Marian, because he thinks that will make him king. Yeah, a nut who marries the kings cousin has a more legit claim than, say, THE KING'S BROTHER. Actually Prince John isn't in this one at all, so whatever. Oh, and he wants revenge for Robin scarring his pretty pretty face. Oh, and he cancels Christmas at one point. Oh, and he swims through money like Scrooge McDuck. Oh, and: "I'LL CUT OUT YOUR HEART WITH A SPOOOOOOOOON!" I could write a whole 'nother paper about Rickman's Sheriff. It's crazyballs. But it doesn't make much sense. The Sheriff should not be the most likeable and interesting character in a Robin Hood movie. Oh, well.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/rickman1.jpg" /><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(The star of the movie and some girl I think might have been in it)</span></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">MARIAN</span>: Okay, that was mean. But she's so damn boring. They try to do the Uma-style badass thing with her, but outside of her first scene, it amounts to nothing. And actually, it amounts to nothing in that scene, either, because all she does is charce in wearing a mask and lose a fight against Robin. Then she just gets kidnapped, and etcetera.<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/thieves022.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/thieves022.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br />(Yes, please, do us all a favor.)<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">SIR GUY</span>: Here's my impression of every line that Guy has in this movie: "Grarrr rrr aaaahhhrrrr drool slurp grr!" He's not a "Sir" in this one, just a flunky, which is still a step up from the oldest legends, where he was a hobo. He's the Sheriff's cousin, which does help him become captain of the guards, but does not help him not get killed by the Sheriff for his failure. He does come up with the name "Robin Hood" as a way to discredit Robin, so he's got that going for him. Which is nice.<br /><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/azeem.gif" /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(Morgan Freeman and a sword he borrowed from a Final Fantasy villain.)<br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">OTHER MERRY MEN</span>: Well, there's <span style="font-weight: bold;">Blinken</span>, who was a lot funnier in the Mel Brooks version. They call him <span style="font-weight: bold;">Duncan </span>here, but whatever. They still play his blindness for comedy, but it's weird, because he had his eyes gouged out by the sheriff's men, so all the humor comes off as tasteless. There's also a Moorish doctor called <span style="font-weight: bold;">Azim</span>, played by Morgan Freeman with tattoos over his acne scars or whatever those are. He really gives the best performance in the movie. The filmmakers have caught a little guff for having a black guy in the cast, as it looks like tokenism. But apart from the fact that he's vital to the plot and more interesting than most of the characters, they were actually planning on using Nasir, a Moorish asassin from a 1980s BBC series. Then they realized he wasn't a character from the legends, and decided not to get sued. And all the other Muslims are still grotesquely racist caricatures. So there. Little John's son <span style="font-weight: bold;">Wulf </span>plays the persecuted poacher in this one, then engages in acts of moppetry for the rest. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Mrs. Little John</span> kicks some ass, and has a great line about how shooting out eight kids has made her a better fighter than anyone. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Lady Sassmouth</span> plays the Drowsy Chaperone again. <span style="font-weight: bold;">David of Doncaster</span> is in the end credits, though I have no idea where he is in the movie. I only mention it because this is the only Robin Hood movie to feature him, ever.<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/PDVD_091.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/PDVD_091.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br />(Oh, look. A pointless subplot.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">OTHER VILAINS: A Horde of Screaming Celtic Bastards</span> do some henchmanning and burn down the forest in a crazy Bizarro Braveheart routine that, as an person of Irish descent, I find borders on the racist. <span style="font-weight: bold;">The Bishop of Hereford</span> makes his only appearance where that's what he's called. Apparently these filmmakers, when they decided to put an evil bishop in, actually checked to see if there already was one. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Broom Hilda</span> makes gooey predictions about how the sheriff will be king some day and turns out to be his mom, in a scene that didn't make it into the movie and either I got an extended edition DVD somehow or I had a fever dream in the middle of the movie. Either is possible.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">COMING UP NEXT: </span>Errol Flynn! He can't fight, act, or be likeable in any way, but he can be a rape-happy opium fiend! Who better to play Robin Hood?</span>Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-515494236333988225.post-88077407933544469292008-06-04T12:00:00.000-07:002008-06-04T12:02:06.537-07:00Under the Hood: Part 1 - Robin Hood<p><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; text-decoration: underline;">ROBIN HOOD (1991)</span><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/robin04.jpg" /></span><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;">This wasn't such a bad movie, and had a decent cast, but went straight to video due to the Costner/Reynolds juggernaut. Never a bad movie from those two, eh? This one is held to be far superior among Robin Hood fans, despite the little nitpick that the director had no idea what he was doing on a technical level. Everything is smoky and poorly lit, and everyone is dirty and probably smelly. And it's almost impossible to tell what anyone's motivation is at any given point.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">PLOT</span>: Robert Hode (Seriously) is a ne'er-do-well Saxon nobleman who's sick and tired of getting bullied by England's new Norman rulers. So one day he has an attack of conscience and stops a Norman knight from blinding a poacher. After getting all lippy at his trial, he is made an outlaw, along with his friend Will, who might be a servant, or might just hang around him all the time. The direction is, as I mentioned, inept, and offers no clues. Will and Robin fight a tall guy on a bridge, who introduces them to some more outlaws. Robert Hode comes up with a clever nom de swashbuckle and shows them the right spots to rob. He has a crisis of conscience </span><span style="font-size: 130%;">AGAIN and decides to give to the poor and etcetera. The aforementioned knight's fiancée Marian chops off her hair, fakes he gender and joins them. She is captured, and the usual happens.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">GENERAL THOUGHTS</span>: What I really liked about this one was the Norman/Saxon thing. It gives Robin clear, if somewhat Captain von Trapp-esque, reasons for his actions. I mean, King Richard tends to be held as this big super-Englishman in Robin Hood movies, but the guy didn't even speak English. Come on. Anyway, this movie seeks to be realistically medieval, with everything being filthy and lots of hacked off fingers and what have you. This sometimes worked, sometimes not.</span><br /><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/rmh.jpg" /><br />(Robin and disguised Marian. Not pictured: Vast pagan overtones.)<br /><span style="font-size: 130%;"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">ROBIN</span>: First of all, in still photos, Patrick Bergin's 'stache looks ludicrous. But it worked well on screen. This is a fun-loving Robin, with highly original robbing plans, my favorite being when he and the men disguise themselves as monks and intimidate the bishop into announcing that in honor of "Saint Robin's" vow of poverty, they shall be hiding all gold from sight today, and these helpful monks will keep it in the back for you… This is a fun Robin, and aside from his goofy-ass real name, one of the better portrayals.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;"><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5883/791/320/2%20little_john.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5883/791/320/2%20little_john.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 85%;"><br />(Tall? Check! Hairy? Check! Stick? Check! Personality? Ummm... Three out of four ain't bad?)</span><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">LITTLE JOHN</span>: Here's my problem with Little John in movies. They always do the fighting on the bridge origin bit. Then, in order to introduce the Merry Men, they make John the leader of a bunch of outlaws. So basically, he kicks Robin's ass, then puts himself and all his followers under Robin's command. WTF? Anyhoo, in this particular movie, the outlaws are radically unorganized, and Robin gets their act together, which fixes that little problem. John himself hasn't got much in the way of personality, and basically shows up to exposit and fight with his prerequisite stick.<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5883/791/320/3%20outlaws.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5883/791/320/3%20outlaws.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 85%;">(That's Will there. The one with the poofy hair, standing to the side and smirking. Which is what he mostly does. Also, Robin Hood is totally flippin' the single deuce, which I doubt I'll ever see again.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">WILL SCARLET</span>: Man, he was starting to piss me off. Since Little John is dealt with as described above in movies, another character is given the Lancer role, and it's usually Will. Will is in the forest when Robin saves the poacher, he's at Robin's trial, and he's outlawed with Robin. Why? Well, the movie doesn't bother to explain. He may be a friend, a servant, a squire, or just a hanger-on. And he gets all the snaky </span><span style="font-size: 130%;">little one-liners. Oh, and it's 26 minutes into the movie before I heard his name mentioned. And we never find out his real name, as the oh-so-clever Mr. Hode comes up with Scarlet right after creating his own pseudo-name. Will has red hair. You're two for two, Hode.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">TUCK</span>: An average portrayal of Tuck. He's fat and sassy, and rides a donkey. He also sells chicken bones and claims them to be saints'. A standard comic relief role for Tuck, with the added bonus of taking center stage in the end scenes where everyone breaks into the castle by dressing like idiots and yelling a lot. They are allowed to do this because it's May Day, and this movie has some weird pagan overtones to it. I'm pretty sure priests aren't inclined to dress up like Bacchus, no matter how fat and sassy they are. (And what's with Tuck always being an eatin', drinkin', cussin' type? Worst priest ever.)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">MUCH</span>: Yeah, he's in this one. He's the poacher at the beginning, and meets up with Robin at the outlaws' camp. But he doesn't give away their secret. Buuuuut it's unclear just how long it stays a secret, because it eventually becomes obvious that every</span><span style="font-size: 130%;">one knows, but the movie don't bother to show us when that happened. Wah wahhhh. Much has about the personality you might expect from someone who's had two fingers chopped off by Normans. He provides the vital "Filling out crowd scenes" role.<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/berginuma.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/berginuma.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span><span></span></span></p><p><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span></span></span></p><p><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span><span style="font-size: 85%;">(</span></span><span><span style="font-size: 85%;">Oh, there they are)</span></span></span><span><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />MARIAN</span>: Much closer to the original 1500s version of Marian as a cross-dressing ass-kicker than the Victorian damsel in distress that shows up a lot in movies. The flip side of this is she gets all the worst lines, like she's some kind of Bond Girl. Actual dialogue:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Marian</span>: So what are you going to do to me? Tie me up?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Robin</span>: Could be a lashing.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Marian</span>: How many strokes?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Robin</span>: As many as are necessary.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Marian</span>: And then it's finished?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Robin</span>: That depends. Have you ever been lashed before?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Marian</span>: I've never had someone make me beg them to stop.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Robin</span>: Then you've never had a proper lashing.<br /><br />Ugh. Anyway, she's played by Uma Thurman, who is gorgeous when photographed well, and a fine actress when directed well. She comes off good about half the time, here. Her virginity is discussed an uncomfortable amount, particularly after Robin shags her in a barn. Prior to this, she ran away and joined the outlaws disguised as a boy, and our friend the director made it look like everyone knew. Seeing as Robin brought her along as guard when he was going to meet 'Marian', I'd guess they didn't. IT'S A TRAP!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">SHERIFF</span>: Okay... So there is a Sheriff in this one. He's called Miter, and does most of the Bellowing at Guards. But the real role, filling the purpose of skeevy, greedy tax collector belongs to original character Roger de Guerre, a Norman and former friend of Robin's. He alternates between reluctantly mean and pure evil bastard until he OMG SPOILERZ becomes a good guy at the end. He is played by Jeroen Krabbe, who rarely ungrits his teeth, thus causing some 80% of his lines to be utterly unintelligible.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">SIR GUY</span>: Or rather "some guy." Sir Guy de Gisborne is not present in this one. There was no reason in the script to have a vain, vindictive knight with a French name who wants to marry Marian. What? Oh that was the whole plot. Anyway, they made up a new character who filled the exact same role. His name is Miles Folcanet (yes, Ren Faire people, here's where it comes from.) and he's played by Jurgen Prochnow speaking in the silliest French accent since Clousseau.<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/snapshot20070303102842.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/snapshot20070303102842.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">OTHER MERRY MEN</span>: Well, there's <span style="font-weight: bold;">Harry</span>, who spends the whole movie holding up a sign that says "I'm going to sell all these guys out for reward money", but that's okay, because the villains are so EEEEVIL that the reward posters might as well say "We're really just going to torture you, lol". There's also <span style="font-weight: bold;">Emily the Porn Maker</span>, who turned out to be<span style="font-weight: bold;"> Emlyn the Bow Maker Who Has Worse Enunciation Than Baron de Guerre.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">OTHER VILAINS</span>: Aside from <span style="font-weight: bold;">Miter</span>, whose biggest scene involves him playing Danny Tamberelli to Robin's Summer Sanders and performing the secret slime action in a Medieval Gak factory, there's not much. (If that's the most labored analogy I make in this little project, you're lucky.) Oh, there's also <span style="font-weight: bold;">Slutbag</span>, the Baron's girlfriend, who rubs his flabby, hairy stomach in one of the most revolting movie scenes I've ever seen. And <span style="font-weight: bold;">Prince John </span>makes a brief appearance, wherein he chews so much scenery… that he comes off a bit silly. Sorry. I tried to come up with something clever, but couldn't.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">COMING UP NEXT</span>: Kevin Costner! Christian Slater! Mike McShane! And one accent to split among them!</span></p>Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-515494236333988225.post-78256542958793710872008-06-04T11:59:00.000-07:002008-06-04T12:00:41.595-07:00Under The Hood: Prologue<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/1Statue20of20Robin20Hood202.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v240/EdmundOG/Robin%20Hood/1Statue20of20Robin20Hood202.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">UNDER THE HOOD</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Robin Hood Project</span><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">INTRODUCTION:</span>For as long as I can remember, I've loved Robin Hood. I first read his tales in a book at my grandmother's house. An old book, presumably read by my uncles when they were my age. It was pretty standard stuff, straight up versions of all the classic stories. I loved it. There's a reason those stories are classic to the point of clichéd. As I got older and saw more versions of the story, (Brooks, Disney, Costner, etc.) I became very interested in the way the characters were portrayed. I noticed that there's very few constants there. Robin is the <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheHero" target="_self">Leader</a>. Little John is the <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheBigGuy" target="_self">Big Guy</a> and was the <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheLancer" target="_self">Lancer</a> in the old tales, but these days someone else is just as likely to take that job. And Friar Tuck is a priest friend of theirs, sometimes devout, sometimes a party animal. And there are others. Will Scarlet (Or Scathlocke, or Stutley) is a likely Lancer, sometimes a fancy-lad, sometimes an angry maniac. There's Much the Miller's Son, who I've seen as the <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ButtMonkey" target="_self">Butt Monkey</a>, the <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheWoobie" target="_self">Woobie</a>, the <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheDitz" target="_self">Ditz</a>, the <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DeadpanSnarker" target="_self">Deadpan Snarker</a>, or any number of other character types. Sometimes he's a girl. Sometimes he's named Midge. Sometimes Midge is a boy. Marian is almost always there, but may be a <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DistressedDamsel" target="_self">Distressed Damsel</a>, an <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ActionGirl" target="_self">Action Girl</a>, a <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FauxActionGirl" target="_self">Faux Action Girl</a> or occasionally a <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SweetPollyOliver" target="_self">Sweet Polly Oliver</a>. The evil Sheriff of Nottingham can be the <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BigBad" target="_self">Big Bad</a> or a mere <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MiddleManagementMook" target="_self">flunky</a> to Prince John or Sir Guy of Gisbourne. Guy himself usually plays The <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheDragon" target="_self">Dragon</a> to one of those two, but can also take the lead. He can be a landed knight, a landless knight, a high-ranking guard, or a mere bounty hunter. Any of those bad guys can run the gamut of effectiveness from pure <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MagnificentBastard" target="_self">mastermind</a> to <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/GeneralFailure" target="_self">total idiot</a>.<br /><br />And that's just their ROLES. You should see their origin stories.<br /><br />And you will. 'Cause I feel like writing about them.<br /><br />So here we go. Hope it's funny.<br /><br />Byeee.</div></div>Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com5